And Back!

So it's been 3 months since I've put something up here and I figure I should try something controversial. Skepticism. I know, I know - you're all gasping and shocked that I would try something this controversial, but hey, that's how I do.

I've been given the cute little nickname by my friends of "Actually" - because I always point out flaws in stories/facts people use/urban legends people believe. I can't help it, I really can't. If something is inaccurate, I'd want someone to correct me (despite the stubborn bitch I am) so I don't sound unintelligent in front of others.

I think it started waaaay back in high school when my brother saw me reading a bunch of "facts" that are sent through chain letters on the interweb. You must've gotten them:

"A duck's quack doesn't echo and no one knows why"

"Kentucky Fried Chicken became KFC because it uses mutated/incest chickens that legally aren't chickens anymore"

"Humans only use 10% of their brains"

And so on and so forth. My brother saw these and asked the simple question of "Why don't you look up useFUL facts?" And so it began. I became interested in what was truly believed by credited professionals and not the crap floating around on the internet. And if something really interests me, then it's in my head. Permanently. (A ducks quack does echo, it's just the way the quack sounds that covers up it's own echo/Kentucky Fried Chicken became KFC so that people wouldn't be turned off the product by the word "Fried"/Humans use 100% of their brains, just not 100% of the time)

So I would correct people that started with these urban legends and such. Most people took it swimmingly "Oh cool, I knew something was fishy about that story" was the general response. And then I began to question stories about ghosts/supernatural experiences and such. Until I made the grand affirmation: I don't believe in ghosts.

I'm not an atheist (I don't understand how an atheist can believe in ghosts, maybe someone can help me understand that). I do believe in God and the existence of the soul. But I don't believe the things that occur on Earth, matter in the grand scheme of things. I always found the belief in ghosts so very "centric" - something happened to someone, so therefore something needs to remain of that someone. One person out of 6 billion is practically nothing (mathematically speaking).

So that's why I don't believe in ghost stories. They're too "perfect" every other possibility is null and void leading the listener to only believe ONE and only ONE truth - that a ghost exists. I quietly hide my smirks whenever someone speaks of Ouiji Boards and shield them from my rolling eyes; call me a skeptic but I just can't believe that the makers of Monopoly have created a communication device with the dead.

I remember once my friend was telling me of a story about how he and a group of friends were doing the Ouiji Board at someone's house and asked the ghost what the number on the house was and it pointed to the number of the house. So I stated "well you guys knew the number on the house, when you pulled up there", my friend replied "most of us just followed one or two people, and it was dark, so no one saw the number" to which I rebutted "all it takes is one person to just nudge it [the curser] in the direction you want it to go to" to which my friend said "Noooooo, no one was moving the curser" to which I replied "But the owner of the house knows his own number" and at that point I could tell my friend was getting a little miffed, so I let it go. But there's always something to counteract the logical reasoning behind a ghost story - it was dark, no one knew the number, it moved on it's own, it was a new house so the owner wasn't accustomed to seeing his new house number - ALWAYS something to lead you to the only conclusion that 1) it was the supernatural and 2) fear it.

I think psychics are the smartest people in the world - EVERYONE is scared of death and the uncertainty of the future and what will happen to those they love. You will ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS have people coming to you wanting to make sure someone is ok. I would love to just go up to a psychic and say "Alright, go". Not give them my name, nor my age, or sign, not anything that they can make a generic reference to (let's face it, most people in the same age bracket are experiencing at least SOME of the same things).

I most certainly don't believe in Astrology. Your birthdate is a fluke. 9 months is the generic range. Someone women give birth early, others give birth late; it's genetics that determine when your mom is ready to pop you out, not the alignment of the stars. After you're born, then it's all exact according to your sign OR defined by some range. Jamie gave me a card reading once and said I would live anywhere from 1-2 years, 10-20 years or 100-200 years from the time of the reading. I'm not saying it wasn't fun or nifty to have my best friend give me a reading, I'm just saying for something that is already determined, it should be read like a book no? I shouldn't have a psychic tell me they are getting "someone that starts with a D" (if you were a ghost would you tell someone that can see you "tell my son, my name begins with a D"?)

I do believe in Alien races - if Earth is one of trillions upon trillions of planets that evolved life, I'm fairly certain it occurred again, somewhere else. Have they visited us? I highly doubt it; I look at the Earth as more of a Brampton of the Universe, the things worth visiting are few and far between so why travel so far for cheaper merchandise and a terribly planned piece of land?

I guess I'll always been that one guy that just bursts people's bubble; I've come to accept that nothing really magical happens here, so it's no wonder stories are created to spice things up. Then again I'll probably be the first to die once a ghost serial killer starts terrorizing my friends.

My Beliefs

So a new blog already for Darek? This means that it's crunch time at school and he's slacking - well more I'm semi-sleep deprived and just finished writing 5 chapters of my thesis in 3 days!

I recently took a quiz to determine what faith I most align myself with and according to this quiz I, with a rating of 100%, am a Secular Humanist.

Let's see what are some of the fundamentals of Secular Humanism and if that really portrays my belief structure:

•Belief in Deity: Not considered important. Most Humanists are atheists or agnostics

- Darek believes in God. Darek believes worshipping God is not what God wants because God doesn't want anything

•Incarnations: Same as above.

-I guess you can say Darek believes in reincarnation but more on that issue later

•Origin of Universe and Life:The scientific method is most respected as the means for revealing the mysteries of the origins of the universe and life.

-Of the physical universe and life, yes. I still believe in a spiritual aspect.

•After Death: An afterlife or spiritual existence after death is not recognized.

-Not in terms of heaven and hell - just existing after we die and either coming back or just staying where we came from.

•Why Evil? No concept of “evil.” Reasons for wrongdoing are explored through scientific methods, e.g. through study of sociology, psychology, criminology.

-Evil is subjective so no true definition of it exists <- that's all Darek belief ya'll

•Salvation: No concept of afterlife or spiritual liberation or salvation. Realizing ones personal potential and working for the betterment of humanity through ethical consciousness and social works are considered paramount, but from a naturalistic rather than supernatural standpoint.

-Salvation doesn't exist - there's nothing to be saved from.

•Undeserved Suffering: No spiritual reasons but rather a matter of human vulnerability to misfortune, illness, and victimization.

-Again because evil is subjective, suffering under a subjective evil is subjective as well.

•Contemporary Issues: The American Humanist Association endorses elective abortion. Other contemporary views include working for equality for homosexuals, gender equality, a secular approach to divorce and remarriage, working to end poverty, promoting peace and nonviolence, and environmental protection.

-Yep, yep, yep on all counts.

So not too much in common with secular humanism except for that last tidbit. I guess my belief structure comes down to the notion that God cannot be personified. Using words like God, Goddess, He, Her, Him, Jesus, Vishu - names in general just make it that much harder to trying to understand what God is.

For me, God is the very essence of existence. We are all from this before we are born, we choose a path in life we wish to follow (being part of God requires that you know all outcomes of life and all knowledge of everything - logically the only thing you cannot know is the existence of not knowing everything) follow that life (whether it's to become a single mother, a scientist, a flea, a president, a war criminal, a murderer, a pedophile, a teacher, an engineer, a paraplegic, a cow, a mad cow, a trekkie, or a model) until it is over and then we reunite to what it was that we left.

I have no clue why I am writing this or who for but it's the best way I can think of real answers to the real questions I've asked myself. I've never been one to take a side 100% (I may be stubborn as hell, but I'm usually proven wrong, learn something and move on). Yes I was a strict Roman Catholic at one point in my life, but I never completely agreed with the Church. Many times I just wanted to be like Douglas Adams and make a defiant statement that "NO, God does not exist" - but saying that just never felt right to me. I don't think I'm suppose to be an atheist with the life I'm living now.

Here's the link for the test: http://www.selectsmart.com/PRO/beliefnet/index1.html take it and tell me where you belief structure most aligns with. I'm curious to see whose what.

Oh Waiter...

I am a tipper. That doesn't mean I am a great tipper. I tip accordingly and with what I feel is respectful for the service I've received. This usually means I tip anywhere from 10-20%, sometimes because the service is deplorable and sometimes because I don't have a lot of cash on me.

What I don't understand is when people treat waiters with disrespect. I really don't think people understand that for the entire time of their meal (at a restaurant or fast food joint) a patron will only see their meal for 50% of the time. So if you're at a restaurant for 1.5 hours - you're only enjoying and seeing your food for less than 45 minutes (unless your Jen C, in which case you're eating for a few hours).

So it just boggles my mind when someone gives a waiter attitude - it's not their fault that something is not on the menu (go some place that is) or if a change in a side order comes with a $1.99 charge (that's the chain's/restaurant's policy) or if a substitute cannot be made (some restaurants don't carry certain types of wine) - so it makes no sense when someone cusses off a waiter, writes a snide remark on a credit card receipt or a flat out "no!" when their meal is about to be placed onto a table and is shoved away by said patron (yes I have heard of this occurring people). The things that can be done to your food when you're not looking at it and you would not have any idea of it being done are numerous.

So to ensure that YOU don't act like an asshole (unintentionally) and that your food arrives as quickly and delicious as possible here some nifty tips and rules of thumb to go by:

Tipping:

1. Your meal arrives but it's all wrong, here you can ask to have it sent back (politely) and are not obligated to tip terrifically (here you can get away from the 10-15% range).

2. Your meal arrives and the side order is wrong (me personally, I bite the bullet and eat, because well, I'm hungry) but if you were really, really craving that salad/soup/fries then enjoy your entree and send back the side. Again, if the service is perfection except for this little snafu, I think a tip of about 15% is still required.

3. You are seated and within 5 minutes a server has introduced his/herself and gotten the drink order down. Comes back with the drinks, asks if the partrons are ready to order (takes down order if they are) or comes back in 10 minutes and then takes down order, in 20 minutes the meals have arrived, drinks are refreshened and server makes sure the meals are correct. Server comes back in 10 more minutes, refreshes drinks, asks if everything is alrite and is not seen again until the plates are cleared and the bill is brought. +15% is required and expected.

Attitude:

1. Server does the squat. This isn't gameplay, you're not my best friend and you're pretending to be friendly. So just expect some people to be a little put off by that. However, if case THREE occurs (from Tipping) again, tip accordingly.

2. Server asks inappropiate questions - "Do I look fat in this uniform?" "My boyfriend just broke up with me" - are things patrons don't need to know about nor are they expected to answer. Questions like this may result in lower tips...

3. Server comes, takes drink order, comes back, gives the patrons a few more minutes, 20 minutes pass by, then comes back, takes order, order comes back wrong, makes no apologies, doesn't freshen drinks (big pet peeve is having to ask another waiter to get refills) and only returns when the bill is dropped down - server gets and is expected to receive a tip of less than 10%.

Meals:

1. Meal arrives and it's perfect - tip at least 15%

2. Meal arrives with one little minor mistake - tip in the 15% range (-+2%)

3. Meal arrives completely NOT what you ordered (you wanted vegetarian pasta and you get pork wrapped in beef) and the service was slow and rude. Expect a tip of next to nothing - personally I would round up to the nearest dollar. If the behaviour was something that was exceptionally rude - I would even talk to the manager.

Well I think that covers it, so I hope I have enriched your lives and given some reliable tips to a better meal.

Pork wrapped in beef!

Take That You Hosers!

I just found this clip on youtube and I'm utterly disgusted:


And I'm not disgusted because some white-bred bitch with blond hair puts herself up on a pedestal and uses a derogatory term for an entire minority group at something that would be considered, at the very least, a "professional" conference.

What I'm angry and disgusted with is the applause she gets in the end. Ann Coulter is a dumb bitch. I really don't think anyone can dispute this fact. With this little conference she has gone from ultra right-winger to conservative fanatic; she's right up there with Pat Robertson now and will soon begin loosing respect across the board.

She is now a certified bigot. Even the most die-hard conservatives I've met all have one thing in common - you don't trump on human rights. Go back 50 years, replace "faggot" with "nigger" and you'd have the exact same response. A bunch of white people thinking they are better than another minority group and feeling they can laugh it up at their expense.

But things change, no one would be able to get away with a statement like that if it focused on a visible minority group. I may be angry and disgusted by the applause she received because the audience is just fucked up as her, but the one thing I won't be is scared. Fear is what conservatives want, it's what put people in the back of the bus and it's what prevents 10 or 11 year old boys from telling their parents, casually, over dinner, that they really, really like the boy next door.

Which brings me to my next point - same-sex marriage. The most recent article about it that I've found at
http://www.thecarpetbaggerreport.com/archives/9844.html and the jist of it is that the Washington Supreme Court voted against allowing same-sex marriage because according to them, marriage is for procreational purposes and defending traditional marriage ensures families will be made. Now a new law is coming up for debate that says married couples MUST have a child within 3 years of marriage or their marriages will be annulled.

I'm surprised that there isn't outrage against this bill. And I think I may have figured out why...

Try listing as many reasons, for a straight couple, to be against this bill:

"When and if me and my spouse decide to have children is none of the government's business!"

"The government has no right to interfere with the way my spouse and I wish to run our lives!"

"We want to be married, we don't want to have children"

Interesting how these reasons can be said by man or women, gay or straight couple, no? If straight conservative couples deplore this bill, they are inadvertently supporting the exact same rights of same-sex couples. Now I am scared. It'll be interesting to see how this all ends - will straight people allow a bill to pass that will control their lives just so they don't have to open their minds a tinsy weensy bit and understand the troubles faced by gay couples? Or will people smarten up and see that when the government comes into your bedroom, it ain't looking for a threesome?

I Don't Get It

Holy Moly I haven't put up a post in such a long time. But I have an hour to kill before my urbanization class and decided this is better than listening to music or reading my book.

Recently I went to see a play staring the Devine Miss Jennifer 'Bella' White in "7 Deadly Monsters". Miss White was a phenom but I walked out of the play with

<- this look on my face.

I didn't get it...I got small bits and pieces. I laughed at the funny parts and enjoyed the subtle humor. But in the end, I didn't get a real understanding of what was going on. Jamie got it. He was able to explain to me. Him and Bella joked about how where Jamie understood that "Monster" meant the emotions we hate but can't live without I was thinking about how I could build something to save the people from the monsters.

While walking around York U, Jamie was skipping down Nostalgia Lane remembering his times in Drama class where he hilariously changed a military macho man scene into two fags gabby about the high school dreamboat. Fucking brillance! I could tell that Jamie was feeling not so much blue but more that he wished he had taken one or two more drama classes.

My response to him wishing he had done more while in school - "So take a drama course at a community college" Jamie gave the response we all do when told we should do more school (especially when it's not needed) "Yeah I could" which mean he wouldn't and then I concluded with "And that's that. This closes the chapter in Jamie's life according to the black and white book of Darek."

I've always found this is the case in these kinds of situations all of my life - when there's a choice between logic/pragmaticism and artistic expression/understanding, I choose logic . Where some people excel in English or Literature - I don't. I got math, I got chemistry, I got physics. I can write and read. I can identify imagery in a book - hell even respect it if it's incredibly well written. But put me in a room where the term "Monster" doesn't mean "Monster" and it's all over.

In OAC English, one of the 6 books we had to read in the term was "Stone Angel" by Margaret Lawerence. One of the worst books I have ever read in my life. Where Aldous Huxley's Brave New World was something I simply didn't enjoy and forced myself to read in 3 days to "get it out of the way" - Stone Angel was a complete and total snore.

I will always remember one defining scene in my life in class where my teacher Mr. Bonnah wanted us to discuss one scene in the book. The scene was when the main character, Hagar, an elderly lady upset at the world, farts in her chair, mentions she's farted and goes off on this diatribe about how shitty her life is.

So all the more artistic-inclined people in my little group discussed how she farted was a symbol because "society" had turned it's back on her and the farting act "symbolizes" that Hagar is a symbol of how the world doesn't care for it's elderly.

I said "She's led a long life, had children, has grandchildren - she's earn the right to fart in public and not give two shits what the world thinks" - my group didn't agree, we went with the "artistic" expression in the main class discussion and my teacher nodded in approval. I'm sure they were right - I just hate knowing that for some reason their interpretation is more "right" than mine.

I may not be the best engineering student or have that much respect for the profession; Hell I'm writing a novel myself and love to read. But I like the right/wrong answer approach. I hate that people think I'm going to be a snob when they tell me what their major is after learning I'm in Civil Engineering. I may not get how someone can fail "The History of Basket Weaving" but hell if studying The Psychology of Russian Literature and it's Progression into the Ukranian Psyche floats your boat, float on!

Just don't assume because I look for a solution to a problem as opposed to trying to understand why a solution is needed or if the problem is really a problem and the real problem is people thinking something is a problem in the first place that I can't be artistic, appreciate a good piece of music and snap with all the hipster cool hipsters at a gothic poetry reading.

Well There's Your Answer Fish-Bulb

So I get a lot of slack for the fact that I look like I'm 12. Also for the fact that my metabolism is the greatest/worst thing on the planet, trapping me forever in the body of a 16 year old girl; a 16 year old girl that can eat fast food on average twice a week without any exercise!!

But aside from my body, I have a face that can contort into some pretty weird shapes as seen here <-- And because of the fact that I'm a chameleon, I've had my dear friends inform me that I look like a variety of cartoon characters, so much so, that I dressed up as one for halloween. I know I'm just giving fodder to Brendan and Jamie for more jokes that will leave me in tears in the dead of night, wishing that people would just LIKE ME!!!! I mean, oh you guys, so crazy funny!

First off caillou, which I only resemble when I have my shaved head. I think it was Sam that pointed this out, at a picnic, where I arrived wearing a yellow tee-shirt and blue shorts.

I laughed with all my other friends at how funny Sam was for her observation.

But on the inside I was shattered.

I usually only look like Doug in the early summer season, when the tan as faded long away and I've shaved my head for the summer.

So let's see, nifty red running shoes, tiny little dog that is basically an animal version of himself and whiter than snow...

Hi Brendan!!

And speaking of Brendan, he was the one that made this connection.

I'm Hermie...a fucking dentist elf...

But enough for me to dress like him for Halloween...

Damn hat took nearly 4 hours to make and damn mother finished it off in 2 minutes... *continues grumbling*

And last but not least, after catching an oldie but a goodie of the Simpsons, I noticed very much, that WHEN I win the lottery, I will be Richie Rich.

I mean, he even has the part in his hair...

And dimples...

What a Day

I'm going to tell you about how I spent December 30th, starting at 12 AM. Why? I have no clue, but I've never wanted to write in my lil bloggy more than right now and it's hard to resist the urge.

So where was I at 12AM? I was at Gabi's shooter party in the E-dot, getting shot at by grandma's, because we all know Etobicoke and Mississauga are soooooooo different, right Jen?

Anyways, had a blast with Gabi, Heather, Andrea, Melinda, Felicia, Rian, Joy, Jen C (who you callin' bitch, bitch?!) and and and...damn it, I thought I had this time - oh wells, better luck next time, right ladies :)

So after my screw driver and few shots at Gabi's, I took it slow cause I was driving and by 3 we were ready to go, Jen was "presentable" and offering me sex to bring her to a McDonalds while Brendan told me he approved of Travis and feels he's "good for me" and "special". Oh drunk talk, sweet sweet drunk talk. Side note - I LOVE drunk Brendan, he needs to come out more.

"You don't say it enough" he says to me, in a whisper. And no, Jamie does not think you're gay. FUCK!

So, waiting in the drive through line at McDonalds was fun, in front of me was the van full of uggie club girls, that didn't move, even after they ordered, because they were waiting for their friend to come back from the gas station, peeing. Like she's not gonna be able to find you...

And behind me, a car full of "bad ass" flip guys (Conrad??) shouting and hollering at the car full of girls behind them.

After being told that Mickies didnt have beef or fish and only had junior chicken sandwiches - correction ONE junior chicken sandwich - we settled on that and were on our way home.

Didn't fall asleep til about 4:33 AM, that was the last time I remember seeing before falling asleep. Woke up at 10:00 AM to pee and then again at 11:30 AM - I was done sleeping apparently. Not feeling the greatest and trying to find the words to tell Travis that I really don't want to go clubbing but conflicted because I wanted to see my man; I decided I would clean the bathroom and wait for his call.

I decide to go clubbing, seeing Travis is more important than knowing the crap ass time I'll probably have a straight club (yeah breasts! I know man, did you see her ass? Mmmmmm love the smell of vadge!) Then my dear aunt Marisha comes over! I don't see her that often (she lives in Poland and is the only relative that calls me Dariusz) and she brings her daughter, my cousin, Basia (Ba-sha or Barbara for you whiteys and bleached peoples) and Basia's son, Lukasz, pictured below:

My new nephew everyone! I didn't know about this one! Now I really think my dear grandmother is a little worried about the Sobik family name. I'm most likely not having babies, Daniel I don't see being a father and if he is, he's going down the path of being one of those father that hires nannies and names his children Pashmina and Madison. I mean he just got a blackberry everyone...

Out of my four nephews (on my dad's side) Adrien, Oskar, Alex and Matthew, only little Matthew has the Sobik name.

It's weird, my dad's side of the family is just good at producing male children - I have 3 female cousins, 0 sisters, but have 2 brothers and 4 male cousins plus myself. And now the second generation is going strong at 4 males to 1 female (little Julianna)

So little Lukasz really really really likes Miss Piggy, brave little guy opened up her cage and went right for her, picked her up and petted her. Squeezed her a little too hard but got the hang of being gentle none the less. Well seeing as this was the first time I was meeting Little Lukasz, I had to cancel on Travis; damn bittersweetness.

So after the rarely seen part of my family up and left, I decided it was time to watch some tv, read some American Gods, and download some Whitney Houston. Just then, my mom comes in, a little tipsy, a rarity for this woman and I download her some Bette Midler (her favourite singer next to Shania Twain) and Shania Twain. I make her listen to Dolly Parton and some Nancy Sinatra. Once again, at 1 in the mourning, me and my mom were listening to music while she was a little tipsy.

I took a shower but before that the best thing to start off the New Year happened! For the past year I've had the biggest zit on my forehead. It's weird, I tried popping it before, and I think in doing so, I cut myself, which caused new skin to grow OVER the zit, making it utterly unpoppable. UNTIL TONIGHT! For some reason, something caught my eye as I was looking at myself in the mirror just before my shower. The unpoppable looking pasty and as I grabbed some toliet paper and wrapped my fingers, I popped with all my might - SUCCESS! It's gone!

Well this only meant that this Year will be the best yet! As I was finishing up my shower, I noticed a spider in the shower, I think it's the same one that I've seen these past couple of days. Instead of pulling a Jamie and killing it with a rage that burns hotter than that of thousand suns, I just smiled at my little guardian and towelled off.

What a day!

Favourite (parts of) Songs!

At a risk of copying Jamie (you just had to put TWO posts about music up, didn't you? I thought, I'll just wait for your next post, you can't accuse me of copying you then...and then you go and copy yourself, just tacky!), I wanted to share with the world a little gift, that might bring some good ole tears of joy to your eyeballs.

I realized that my music tastes don't really define any one particular genre, if it sounds good, I listen to it. Travis' best friend Jim, asked me, during his night long interrogation of me, what kind of music I enjoyed - I told him "mostly alternative, but I like rock and dance too". And it got me thinking - I likes particular parts of songs, I find it particularly hard to find an entire song I enjoy.

So here is a list of songs I adore and specifically time framed parts that I suggest you all download and listen to and cry and stare into the distance and whisper to yourselves "wow Darek is the very definition of brillance" and then hold your hand up, then close it and draw it close to your chest while closing your eyes and nodding up and down slowly...

Colorblind by Counting Crows:

Surprise Surprise - a little bias because it's my favourite song BUT listen to the very middle of the song (while listening to the first half of course) at exactly 1:41. It's a little tricky to catch the point I love but it's right at the end of 1:41 and right at the beginning of 1:42. It's just a slight pause but it's done right in the middle of the song - so it takes your breath away when you think the song is over but it just begins again.

O Holy Night by Celine Dion:

If you dont shed tears at exactly 3 minutes and 15 seconds into the song when Celine sings "Christ is the Lord" you have no soul, period. Those four words last from 3:15 -3:25, the word "Lord" takes her three seconds to sing from 3:22-2:25 and it's the best part of the song, hands down.

Mad World by Gary Jules:

Yes it's the theme song from Donnie Darko - which is a good movie and all "hipster cool" - but it is such a mellow and sad song. With lyrics like "I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad the dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had" and "Children waiting for the day they feel good, happy birthday happy birthday" so very sad; but beautiful none the less. But listen to the song once and then listen to it again and only this way you can see why I love the part at exactly 1:27 into the song. You think the song is just about to end (knowing you've heard it before) and when it doesn't it's a mixture of happiness (because the song is not over) and a mixture of sadness (because the song is not over).

Stairway to Heaven by Dolly Parton:

I've only heard the define Miss P's variation of this song and quite frankly that's enough - it's beautiful. Again, I may be a little bias because Dolly is one of the few entertainers that deserves her gay icon status, she supports same-sex marriage, gay rights, the whole nine yards and yet she's a devout christian; a perfect example of the word "christian" in my opinion. The song is long at 6 minutes and 31 seconds, but every second is worth it - listen in at exactly 5:06 and the wonder of this part of the song isn't over until 5:27; listen carefully at 5:22-5:27 to "Wanna be a rock and not a roll" and if you don't get what I mean, then I truly pity you. The first time I heard that part it literally took my breathe away - I stopped writing my lab for geomechanics and just sat and listened to the rest of her beautiful rendition of this historic song.

Into Your Hideout by Pilate:

Brendan introduced me to this song and I thank God he did. This song makes me want to drive faster when I hear it on the radio; it makes me want to run faster when I'm jogging; it makes me want to cry harder when I'm crying while listening to it. It just brings out everything you need out that you've pushed in and provides you with a solice you get only when you were a child and received reconciliation at church. Listen carefully at 2:30 - again it's one of those things where it's at the end of 2:30 and the beginning of 2:31 and it just brings you back into the song; brings you back to whatever it is you need to face.

It's Still Too Late by Evermore:

Heard this song at Jamie's and loved it instantly; it's very Pilate-y but not so charged up, to me this is just a nice song to listen to. The main singer's vocals are wicked, the way he says "Hessitate" right at the beginning of the song (end of 0:29 beginning of 0:30) just puts a clever little smile on my face. The all time best part of this song is at 3:13-3:14 - I have no clue what he's saying here but I all I know is I find that clever little smile on my face after hearing it.

Get Together by Madonna:

This song didn't get that much radio time or club time but I think it's her best hit off her newest CD. And oddly enough it's only the beginning and end parts of this song I love the best - the very first words outta her mouth are "Down, down, down in your heart, I find, find, find the secret, turn turn turn your head around, baby we can do it, we can do it all right" and the end "If it's better at the start, then it's sweeter in the end" - I always hear the word "better" as "bitter" and sing it that way when I hear it.

Hope you're all looking off into the distance now and understanding the wonder that is *whispers* Darek...

And the Competition Comes to a Close (sorta)...

So a couple months ago, me and my dear friend Robyn got into a little contract about America's Next Top Model Cycle 7, we each picked 6 girls and the one remaining was given to our dear friend Carolyn...

Well the finale is almost upon us, so I thought I'd go back and pick out those few pictures (because these photo shoots have been truly heinous and dull) that stood out and were actually superb. Enjoy!

Ladies and gentlemen I give you this cycle's "Girl Who Got Mad-Shafted". Megan was fucking PERFECTION, except for one flaw, she's 23. But this picture was so damn good. The over-exaggeration of divadom (is there such a thing?) is perfect here, the body language, the look on her face, the stupid little mut of a dog - all very perfect.
Megan, maybe it was better this way, I mean you avoided the Tyra speech of:
"Megan, in this industry your looks are everything and even though air-brushing will ALWAYS be around and even though models that are 40+ are still doing work and looking like they're in their 20's, that only comes with experience!"

I know, I know, I'm agreeing with the judges - but this is a fabulous photo! It's very "editorial" (still dont really know what that means, but can you tell that? nope!) and has almost an artistic side to it. I mean it does address the issue of bulimia nervosa and it's actually shocking.
.
.
.
.
Kay, I'm gonna be a HUGE prick here but...don't bulimics usually throw up into a toliet?
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, that's the "actually" speaking, not Darek!

This picture is just funny. It's so typical "Dumb Blond" it's ridiculous! But I love it! Here legs go on forever, end bent and hidden behind a hug book, the big hair, the doe-y eyes and look of pseudo-concentration but just looking really pretty - I FUCKING LOVE YOU CARIDEE!!!!! - I'm sorry, I'm sorry, that was the passion talking...
But a phenomenonal start to say the least!


Then... Alot of stuff didn't happen, really, all the photo shoots were pretty dull and boring, until Tyra came to save the day... and I feel sick for actually saying that...

We'll start with my least favourites - it's not so much scary as it is "You know that feeling when you wake up in a bus station with a condom in your ear?!"

One eye looks sorta normal and the other looks like she got cut in a fight over who gets to own here at the Women's Correctional Facility...


Not bad for a Sara Rue look-a-like but still nothing great. I mean now she's sporting Lebanese sideburns and her neck has minor fat-rolls - THAT'S why she's scary.



Eugena looks more confused than scary. Here's something that'll make this picture that much more scary, thanks to Travis:

Everyone, look in a little closer at the picture, now imagine Eugena saying this, in a whispy, almost molestery voice:

"Hi, my name is Eugena, I'm hear to WAAAASSSHHHH yo' vagina"

Fucking terrifying no?!?!?!

It's not so much scary but what I see when I see this pic is one of two possible outcomes - Anchal's either done something or is about to do something. It's that raised eyebrow, I'm sucker for them, it's my weakness I know, this picture looks more devious than scary...

Also it looks like she has one ear, what the fuck?! THAT'S scary!


Now we all know how much I hate trannies - MAKE UP YOUR MINDS! - but I learned to love Jaeda, once she got her hair cut, she actually looked like a model.

And this picture is just ripe with versatility

why you may ask

if Jaeda can look this good while looking so bad and still look like this
...
..
.

You found yourself America's Next Top Model - DONT GROW YOUR HAIR OUT!



Damn you Mel-Ho, this is actually a pretty good picture! Not so much bus-stop-condam-in-ear and more so, scary crawler from "The Descent"

And we all know how that movie actually scared me!

Now the stupid judges didn't like this one, but we all know they're morons - I really think she did a great job at "being scary but not losing her model" She's still pretty and this photo could sell.


Hello America's Next Top Model - I LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE THIS PICTURE SOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH.

The way this picture feels so uncomfortable, so raw, so harsh!

Her mouth looks like it's just opening up for something to eat - like your soul!

I heart CariDee!!!!




So whose left in the final three??

Well let's see!

There's perfection, also known as CariDee also known as MY FIRST CHOICE PICK!!

Kicking yourself in the ass now, aren't you Robyn?!

Drag Queen my ass Nigel "I'm a pussy that can't take a GREAT joke" Barker, I hope when CariDee wins she slaps you in the ass and grinds up and down on you where leather chaps!

Oh man, when CariDee wins that'll be two winners in a row for Darek - the closest I've come to winning things in a long long time!






I MEAN COME ON! LOOK AT THIS PERFECTION! She's been in the bottom two for the last two weeks and why? To throw us off.

That's the smartest they can be. The ONLY thing that's stopping me from collecting on me bet now is if the judges just pick Eugena (she's the only one left that's 18) for the age factor. But 20 years old is not too bad of a number.

P.S. This was also a faboulous pic of Amanda, I was surprised!



WHOSE THIS?! Eugena AKA my second pick?! Oh Robyn, this must utterly blow for you!

You have to admit though - best picture out of all the bull fighting pictures, but not hard to say that, with CariDee's eyes closed, Melrose looking like the mother of the female lead from The Corpse Bride, and the twins and their awkward (too awkward) poses.

But all in all, brava girl! Now let's just some ProActiv on you and you're set!

And whose last in the final three? Melrose. And damnit, why is she such a good model? Thank god you're 23 - you're the Jade of the group and it's wonderful!

But wait...where are Robyn's picks?

Oh...

...

..

.

They're not here anymore; they're all gone.

I'm telling you Robyn - age is everything!!!

18-20 MAX, I don't think there has been a winner older than 20 in any of the seasons and we all know the first season doesn't count!

I know I sound smug but I'm on such a high right now, my exam went pretty good, I finally talked to Travis after so long of not talking to him, and I'm getting over my cold/flu.

Can't wait for that free meal Robyn :)

Letters From Darek, To ???

This is what happens when you're alone for a week with no one to really talk to, your boyfriend off shucking corn god knows where and loser friends that don't want to come over for some scrabble fun...
Dear Annoying People in the Morning Rush Hour:
Please stop being such douche bags. It's STAND RIGHT, WALK LEFT, you STAND LEFT again and I will trample you down and ride your corpse up the escalator where you'll been skinned and I will wear said skin in an "Itchy & Scratchy" fashion.
Please stop bringing LUGGAGE to the office, if your backpack has wheels, you are bringing too much shit to work - learn how to economize; you don't look impressive, you look like a tool.
Please stop sighing when delays are made on the train - yes it's annoying, you sighing and saying "oh come on" every 5 minutes make everyone restless and makes you the ruler of douchedom.
Please stop talking on your phone for the entire trip to Union Station - IT CANNOT BE THAT IMPORTANT if you're going to see the caller "when I arrive" which will be momentarily.
Sincerely, Darek S.

Dear Skim Milk:

Why are you so disgusting? Why can't you be more like your delicious 2% brothers? Why do you taste and look like dishwater? Why can't you coat my throat as I slurp you down with some cookies, who still dont cover up your watery, thin and disgusting taste? I hate you.
Milk should not be thin, it should be thick and refreshing and almost filling. I should be able to have a glass of you and hold off eating for an hour to finish work - instead I find that water is more filling that you. And it tastes better. I hate you because you're low in iodine and dont aggregivate my skin as much. You're disgusting and ugly.
Sincerely, Darek S.


Dear Book That I Need To Find So I Can Read And Not Get Bored On My Daily Commute:

Where are you? I've looked afar for you. The Metro can't compare to plot and climax and character development. Alone at night, I cry, thinking I'll never find you and I'll forever think I'm smart for completing a Sudoku and knowing "Oleo" means butter substitute.
You know where I am, find me Book, FIND ME! Be flashy, have a catchy cover and kickass title - you deserve only the best!
Missing You,

Darek S.

Dear Travis:

Where are you? You're cheesecake is getting all cold and eaten...

Sincerely,

Darek S.




Dear B-man:

Youuuuuuuuu're alllllllllllright

Keep it fresh, homie

Sincerely,

Darek S.


Dear Pleasantville:

Why are you STILL so expensive? I mean, you were released in 1998 - that was 8 years ago. You aren't the shit anymore and when you were, you barely were!
Please get slightly damaged at some douchbag's apartment and get returned, repaired and then sold for 3 bucks.

Sincerely,

Darek S.

The Bare Facts Y'all!

So on my recent fake-trips to church, after reading a little in the chapel, I decided to pick up some pamphlets from church and give them a skim.

So much information readily available at my finger tips!

So flipping open this one, I found lotsa information that I felt was my duty as deeply moral christian to spread the word.

One heading inside was:

"C is for commitment not Condom"
"Marriage makes sex a fulfilling, loving experience. But if you have sex outside of marriage, it's like unwrapping a present before it's Christmas. It's passing, disappointing, empty."
THAT'S the best they could do? Sex is like a Christmas present? Isn't the church always saying how Christmas isn't about the presents in the first place? But about the birth of Jesus? So are they saying that having sex in a marriage is like giving birth to Jesus? Wasn't he born in a stable with animals?

I guess that's the lesson kiddies - wait until marriage, because that way sex will feel like giving birth and afterwards you can stink like a cow! Hooooooooooray?

Another heading in this truly informative pamphlet:

"Eyes on the Prize"
"The Bible says the 'man and woman were both naked and felt no shame.' That is the beauty of sex God-style. Without marriage, sex produces lots of heartache and lots of shame. Don't settle for less."

God-style Y'all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Can you imagine?
"Ohhh Baby, you got me so hot right now"
"Yeah, I want you to do it to me"
"Oh baby, I'll do it to you - GOD-STYLE!!!! - Yeaaaaaaaaaah, put on that bra, zip up my pants - yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah"

And the final heading I thought was hilarious:

"The Bottom Line"
"Love does not equal sex." God made both and He knows that they work best when they are together in marriage. He doesn't want to see you get hurt. So think about your future, start over if you need to, but love your future mate enough to wait."

Love does not equal sex. HAHA Jamie and the church agree on something! (zing! love ya jamie :)
On to the next pamphlet...

So no pictures for this one, but a quiz!
Get out your safety pencils and circle of paper everyone!

"Why did I give in to sex?"

1. Why do I have sex?
a. feels good
b. he or she expects it
c. to prove my love
d. I think I have to

Um, where's the "I like orgasming and making my partner feel just as good" option? Or better yet "I just like having a dick in every orafice possibly, no, ESPECIALLY my ears"

2. If a pregnancy or STD was discovered, would my relationship survive?
a. probably not
b. for sure no way
c. I hope so

Uhhh, where's the "yes" option. Despite a world of Jerry Springer Shows and Maury Povich "I need to test 234878764 guys to see whose my baby's daddy" - I'm gonna be optimistic and say most of the couples know what will happen if an unwanted pregnancy occurs.

3. If I stopped having sex, would my partner dump me?
a. no, but there would be pressure
b. yes, definitely
c. I would be too scared to ask

Alrite, maybe a point was actually made here. BUT that's normal. People walk into relationships knowing the boundaries that will and will not be crossed. If sex is expected, there's nothing wrong with finding it elsewhere (so long as the previous relationship is over). Wanting sex isn't a bad thing! Especially if it's GOD-STYLE ya'll!!!!!!!!!!!!

4. Am I satisfied emotionally with my sexual partner?
a. our friendship isn't what it was before sex
b. friendship? it's all sex
c. I just wonder if there's more

Could you imagine being the kid that responds a simple "Yes" to this question?
Priest Flattery: "Ask yourself child, are you emotionally satisfied with your sexual partner?"
Me: "Yep. Sparks are flying, finishing sentences, thinking the same thing at the same time - cute little surprises here and there, it's all good"
Priest Flattery: "Oh...wanna touch me down there?" (ZING!)

And last but not least babies, I found one of these pamphlets in my room, during a massive cleaning and here's a beaut of a picture!

In case you can't read the script beside this strapping young stallion:

"I thought I could never be forgiven for the terrible things I've done. But when I turned to Jesus I found that he wants to forgive me."

I can just imagine the next line of thought out of his head:

"Yep, don't want cock anymore. Thank you Jesus. Don't need to watch the football games on mute, fantasizing about all those tight asses and how I would love to dive into a group of them after a really sweaty game and have them do a train on me til I go numb...NOPE don't want that anymore. I have to go now...NO...I told you, I accessed those sites by mistake, I was looking for Gayle Pornue - the French Novelist. It's lunch time, time to go to the chapel and pray a decade and then off to home where i can masturbate to gay porn...I mean watch Reboot. Don't judge me!"

Choice

I recently saw an episode of South Park a week or two ago and it was a catalyst that set off this entire blog, I hope some dialogue forms from this...

So the episode in question was the one about the town's flag and how Chef was incredibly offended by it - it showed a bunch of white stick figures hanging a black stick figure. Clearly the flag is a racist representation and symbol about the small white-breed hick town and it's racist past. But what got to me was how goddamn indecisive the people of the town were and how very realistic that is amongst the liberals/democrats of North America.

Throughout the episode, you had news casters constantly asking the populace questions like:

Should the flag be changed despite the tradition it holds?

And then came people's responses:

"I DO believe the flag is racist; but I do hold honor towards traditoinal values"

"I am a traditionalist at heart; but the flag is so very clearly racist, so I really don't know what to do"

Then come the KKK and how they support the option to keep the flag as it was - strictly for white power's sake. *always chanting 'white power, white power' in the background*

The non-racist, traditionalist people of south park don't want to be affiliated with the KKK and then comes the next news caster's question:

Should the KKK have their right to say their beliefs due to freedom of speech?

And then came people's responses:

"I am not a racist; but I do believe in freedom of speech"

"I completely believe in the freedome of speech; but I don't at all agree with what the KKK support"

At this point, Chef shoves the white guy outta the way saying "Get outta my way, you undecisive prick" or something to that accord.

And from that comes another story:

A few months ago, I was having dinner with a friend, whom I'll name Perry. We began talking about the Rev. Phelps and his Church of God congregation, going to the funerals of dead gays (dead from AIDS) and soldiers (dead from fighting in Iraq) and protesting the funeral saying that the gay person died because God hates gays and that the soldier died because God punished him/her for going to war (and killing is a sin).

Perry made a statement similiar to:

"I don't agree with his beliefs, but I agree he has a right to say those things; more importantly, no one has the right to tell him to stop"

Well, I'm sorry, for Chef, this white boy is making a stand. Rev. Phelps is wrong and shouldn't be allowed to broadcast his opinion to the world.

From this conversation, it went from Freedom of Speech, to Exodus - the ex-gay group, that advocates, if one chooses, they can join the group and lead a heterosexual lifestyle.

Perry, defended the right for the group to exist, speaking for those homosexuals that have a much harder life than me or Perry and couldn't simply live the "gay life".

I countered with "The option for a gay person to lead a straight life shouldn't be an option for that person - here choice is the enemy. Just because something is a choice, doesn't make it right for someone to choose it, even if they want it. We need to dig deeper and figure out why they want a straight lifestyle so bad and educate them to respect themselves."

I don't mean to sound preachy but it's how I feel. Perry went on to speak of a friend of a friend that was gay, but chose instead to get married, have a wife and couple of kids, and once the kids were in college, him and his wife (who knew of her husband) divorced. Perry countered with, "If he chose to live a straight lifestyle, his wife knowing full well about her husband, and them agreeing that the marriage was better than being shunned by his family - whose to say what they did was wrong? It was their choice"

Well sorry Perry, it's wrong. This person denied himself as no one else could. For the sake of his family, he lived a lie. Even if that lie is better than the truth, that makes him a coward; that especially makes him a coward. His children were rasied by a coward, will have to live with the knowledge their father is a coward and will learn that their grandparents never really loved their children, if their father was too scared to come out to them and live his life they way he wished. Instead, he belived one of the many viable options out there was to live as a straight person.

To me, this isn't choice. This is fear. There was no choice in the matter - either be straight and loved by your family or be gay and be hated and shunned by them. I'm not angry at the man's choice; I'm angry that this was his choice. That his culture, my society, his family all have this idea that being gay is something to be fixed; and what's more depressing is that this choice to not be gay is something to be fought for on par with my right to marry a man, or for a woman to choose when she wants to have a child.

This is me, a white boy, making a stand, that NO it's not a viable choice for me or any other gay person. It is not a right I will fight for the gay community and it is nothing to be proud about. There is no choice here - be gay or be dead - and I've made mine.

Friendy's - Sappy BF Styles

So this has been a long time coming:

It’s…
…why I want to watch X-Men 3 with you, just so I can see you get all worked about it
…when you said you’d protect me from the scary things in the dark
…Toronto, set ablaze by the sun
…how you make me laugh, even though your jokes are so corny
…DEEEEEEEESIRE
…how ‘Into Your Hideout’ will mean something completely different to me now
…the Long Kiss Goodnight and how he TOOK LESSONS!
…changing your msn to ‘our’ inside joke
…how I smell like cigarette smoke afterwards and don’t care
…how you make tea just right
…how I ate more pizza than I should’ve, just to impress you
…you telling me you were impressed
…you texting me when I was sitting right beside you
…that smirk you have on your face when you think you’ve said something clever

…visiting downtown Oakville, TO, and Burlington
…why I’m so ahead in my work, so I can spend more time with you
…the butterflies I feel before I meet you
…the knots in my stomach at our hug goodnight
…how my texting abilities are better than yours
…how I know you’re slightly offended by that last one
…how you can be on my mind all weekend and I’m getting some of the best sleep ever
…how Mondays can’t come soon enough
…all about the apple cider
…why Dingle Park is the best park in the world
…how you remembered Johnny Cash

…the reason I’m remembering everything too, I don’t want to forget a single detail
…how I am unfolding
…why that’s because of you
…how you want to use me for my body and that’s perfectly fine
…jumping higher than you on the swings
…not admitting how scared I got being so high up in the air
…why I gush about you to all my friends
…how I figured out that Wilson went to school with you

…you sleeping on the floor beside, making sure I was ok, when I got “sick”
...how your timing sucks
...how glad I am your timing sucks
...why I stopped myself short in the car, while you bought your scarf (surprise!)
...how you said it's hard to surprise you
...how I can surprise you
...how you wanted this little post so bad
...the random act you did that finally made me put this together

...how I hoped I surprised you again...

Yaaaaaaay, Health Problems!

I got my Sleep Study Report today. For those that don't know, I am, the WORST sleeper. I hear these stories of people being able to nap after 13 hours of sleep or just going to bed once their head hits the pillow and I want to cry. I can't do that. I am the worst person to sleep beside; I talk in my sleep, I move around alot, and I have to sleep on my back.

I went in for a sleep study and got my results today, they are hilarious!

Enjoy!

I went to bed at around 10:30 (meaning lights out and me resting on the bed).

I fell asleep in 12.5 minutes and slept for 6 hours and 12 minutes (I was awoken at 6am - meaning the max amount of sleep I could've had was 7.5 hours minus the 12.5 minutes).

11.9% of my sleep was REM sleep - that's DEEP sleep, like you dream in this sleep, you are out to the world in this sleep - it's good sleep. Normal readings are 28% - meaning 28% of the sleep cycle should be REM sleep; me 11.9%

Now all sleep has 4 stages plus the REM sleep, here's how I fared in that department:

Stage 1 - normal - 4.44%; me 7.7%

Stage 2 - normal - 45.54%; me 50.7%

Stage 3 - normal - 6.21%; me 4.6%

Stage 4 - normal - 14.88%; me 25.1%

See how disproportioned I am?

I had 14 obstructive apneas (meaning I snored slightly) and the longest session of this light snoring was 27.8 seconds - meaning something was partially obstructing my breathing.

I had 16 obstructive hypopneas (meaning I stopped breathing entirely - NO AIR COMING IN!) and the longest session was - get this - 42.1 seconds! I can't even hold my breath underwater that long!!!!

My blood oxygen dropped to 90% (should be at 100%).

Here's the part I just loved - I had 53 spontaneous arousals (just waking up for a few seconds and going back to sleep, this is common, you never really "wake up", you're just moving your head for example)

I had 23 respitory arousals - I woke up 23 times because I stopped breathing 23 times in the night.

I had 4 periodic limb arousals - I jerked my legs 4 times in the night, which caused me 'wake-up' for a few seconds.

On average, I had an arousal index of 12.9, the normal you ask? LESS THAN 5!!!!!!

In total, the number of times I awoke and was "awake" for 15 seconds (or more) before falling instantly to sleep was 28 times.

This means that I wake up 4.5 times an hour or every 13 minutes approximately.

SO DON'T BLAME ME IF I'M A GRUMPY BITCH IN THE MORNING!!!!!

Amen

So today I felt inspired - I read Jamie's most recent posting, it was touching and was very nostalgic from me, because I would always put down people that thought like he does. And then poof - I completely agree with him. I was a stubborn fucker in high school:

No Abortion!

No Death Penaulty!

No Euthanasia!

I could bring myself to say No to homosexuality, always quickly saying "Love the Sinner, Hate the Sin" - deep down I knew I was talking about myself - and I was never keen on the whole self-hating thing.

But my high school career was one of constant defence for the Holy Roman Catholic Church. I knew doctrine, I knew how to answer the tough questions - Like in the Simpsons Halloween special, where Lisa creates life and is shrunk down and meets her creation, one of the first questions from people is "If you're soo good and if you're so great, why do bad things happen to good people?" - I know how to answer that question, Catholically speaking.

But then the tough questions came:

If God can do everything, can He nuke a burrito so hot, that not even Himself can touch it?

If the Church and God, go hand in hand (Catholic Dogma that allows for the belief that the Pope is infallible when it comes to Dogmatic Law), how can you explain the current Pope condemning the Inquistion (sanctioned by a former Pope) - they can't both be right; and yet dogmatically they are.

I couldn't answer these questions, because they required relativism; something I realized will be the Church's downfall. The Church is so scared of change, so frightened by the prospect that one day a woman will put on a collar, that gays will be exchanging vows on one of it's altars, that condoms will be given out at catholic high schools - that's it's slowly killing itself.

It's run by the own fear it's generated. Any, and I mean any, sway from the straight and narrow will cause it's ultimate demise. I really don't believe the church is run by stubborn, stupid, old men that remember a "better time" and are trying to get back to that place. The church is run by smart, sophisticated men that know they are doomed. They're dug themselves too far into a hole - if they admit or allow the slightest change for the purpose of changing - they are admitting to the world that they're faith isn't devinely created but man-made and therefore faulty.

I remember once, watching a program on the Discovery Channel about the Roman Catholic Church (this was during Canada's hosting of World Youth Day) and one of the guests on this show said that he truly believed that Catholicism would be around 500 years from now, it would be incredibly different, but would still be "Roman Catholicism".

I disagree. Roman Catholicism won't be around in 500 years, too many people enjoy sex, too many people have friends/children that are gay, too many people are realizing more and more that they don't need confession to feel "right" anymore.

And this person has realized that Roman Catholicism died a long, long time ago while searching for a particular Bible passage in his high school chapel and suddenly not caring when he didn't find it.

Ode To My Mama

My mother is one weird bird. She's gone through a lot. She's lost two brothers, her sister is sick, she's lost both her parents and she has a gay son. For some, the last thing doesn't seem to fit in the list of turmoils my mother has had to face, but to a Catholic Woman (and anyone with a Catholic upbringing), it makes perfect sense.

But, my mom is showing signs of acceptance, slowly by surely, she is. She's meeting more of my friends, she asked Travis to stay for dinner (that's right, he broke bread with my parents AND made them laugh) and she's stopped telling me to "Be Good" when she goes away for the weekend. It's now "Have Fun". Her subtle way of telling me she's read my letter; maybe even she's starting to believe what I wrote in that letter?

But today I got something about my mom - she's just like me. My Aunt Marisha, the first thing she said to me when she saw me was, "Oh yeah, you're a Klimek" - Klimek being my mom's maiden name. This followed by an uproar from my Dad, saying "You're a Sobik and she doesn't know what she's talking about" and my mom coyly smiling in the background.

I got my Dad addicted to Sudoku, who in turn, showed my Mom how to do it and now she can't get enough. The 24 and Metro are being brought home, the sudoku puzzles from the Toronto Sun are meticously cut from the paper, so they can have easier access to the madness and you'll understand why I just told you this.

So here's the conversation I just had with my wonderful Mama:

*Eating soup, while doing a sudoku puzzle from the 24*

Mama: I don't get this advertisement for cosmetic surgery *bottom of the page where the puzzle is*

Me: What don't you get?

Mama: Well, Lipsuction I get, if you're fat, you're fat. And Breasts, well, yeah Breasts and same with Tummy Tuck. But...VAGINA SURGERY?! What the hell does a woman need done to her vagina, Darchu?

And this point, I think soup squirted out my nose and I had noodles stuck in the back of my throat.

Happy Thanksgiving Everybody!!

Most Obvious Thing You'll Learn Today...

You Are a Fun Flirt

You just can't help yourself... you flirt with everyone you know.Guys, girls, crushes, and friends. They're all victims to your charm.You're into silly innuendos, sexy jokes, and playful touches.You are a huge flirt, yet you never make anyone (too) uncomfortable!

What Kind of Flirt Are You?

If You Were Born in 2893...

Your Name Would Be: Laif Vovv And You Would Be: The Future's Last Hope

If You Were Born in 2893

SURPRISE!

I've never really been surprised in my life. Never had a surprise birthday party (on account that I'm always ASKING for them), 9/11 didn't leave me in complete shock when I learned of it in Calculus class, and learning about my kidney and the freak congential disorder I was born with was more of a "Oh, damn" than a "WHAAAAAAAAAAT?". I just don't get surprised that easily until recently...

Recently, I've been getting compliments outta the wazoo because of my blog. Now, this isn't me praising me about how terrific I think my writing is, in fact, I think my writing is pretty rushed and half-assed. But I've gotten more surprises outta my little purple monkey dishwater than in the past 22 years of life, soon to be 23.

Jennie Nickerson, Tash, Mima and hell even Josh have told me, completely out of the blue, about what a fun/happy/meaningful time they have gotten out of reading my blog. Josh even described one post as "the best writing I've ever read". I was touched!

So, unlike me in so many ways, this is a complete THANK YOU to all the people that have left me comments, praised me for my writing when even I didn't think too much about it and to all the readers that just get a little smirk or giggle about my rants/comments/thoughts and various other forms of expression. You all rock the hizzie, I'm slightly buzzed and going to bed soon!!

The Contract

So after hearing how much fun Jamie has with his co-worker Sasha about their betting game with America’s/Canada’s Next Top Model to figure out the winner, I decided to have one with my dear friend Robyn aka Perfection.

So, we each chose 6 girls, where if the 1st or 2nd girl wins on either list, then the loser has to treat the winner to a classy restaurant. If the 3rd or 4th girl on the list wins then dinner will be had at a regular sit down place located anywhere downtown. IF the 5th or 6th girl on the list wins, then dinner has to be made by the loser for the winner.

After writing up the contract we had the difficult decision of figuring what to do if the one girl neither of us picks, wins. So, we asked our dear friend Carolyn (batman from the previous post) to be our witness for this contract and be the holder of said contract. If the one girl that neither of us liked wins, Robyn and I will make Carolyn dinner.
Below are Robyn’s, Carolyn’s (by default) and Yours Truly picks. We picked 6 each and then if we chose the same girl, we would rock paper scissor to keep her, the loser picks another girl – I lost two out of three of these rounds, so my selection isn’t the greatest…

Robyn’s Choices:

1. Megan aka Kim from season 6
Damn girl, I wanted this one! Not like she’ll win, she’s 23, and therefore expired. But still, she looks like Kim, quite possibly the only lesbian I liked. She's got that masculine and feminine dealy down pact...but she's 23. I have to say, Robyn was rather gutsy picking Megan as her first choice to win.

2. AJ
Another one I lost :( I see nothing but potential and she’s 18, so she’s perfect age-wise. She has striking features, and posed for her picture, that’s always a good sign. Yes, she did the hand on hip action and that awkward head tilting that actually looks awkward but look at her! Just sweet, sexy class!

3. Brooke aka Boring
I didn’t want this one, in fact I say she’ll be the first one to go (I know Jamie is shaking his head - sorry Jamie, you see potential, I see a blond Sara Rue) but I don’t see anything that makes me want to stop and look at her. But what do I know? Oh wait, I picked ANDREA from CNTM as the winner from her terrible picture with brown hair!!!
Anyone else see it?








4. Jaeda aka the tranny
Yeah…I dunno WHAT Robyn was thinking. I see Mr. J in drag. I expect to see her weenis popping out if she turned to face us head on...but maybe I'm just not able to look beneath her tranny-dom and see supermodel.
And you're all looking to see if you can see her weenis aren't you??


5. Amanda
Robyn got to pick the good twin. When you see the evil twin, you’ll know what I mean. She’s thin, she’s 18, she has long hair, and isn’t afraid to use when she poses – she can multi-task y'all. Most of the other girls, are doing the boring hand over head or hand on hip dealy…
She may be doing hand on hip, BUT she's contorting her back - MULTI-TASKING!


6. Monique
Token black girl in Robyn’s list. Pfft what a racist! I think she has too much head tilt, careful Monique, or Ty-Ty's gonna pull a Nic on you. And she juts out her boobs, but she has a nice body, again, that long and lean thing. She probably has some Phantom of the Opera scarring on her face...*eyes Monique suspiciously*

My Choices:

1. Anchal or as Tyra is gonna say her name An*slightest of slightest pauses*Chal
Alrite! I admit I went with the first time minority that they used! I went with what most people would call “Exotic Beauty” and was enticed by her long hair. BUT, I saw the little blurb she had in the intro video for the season and she said if they’re gonna cut her hair, she doesn’t care – she’s here to win. Soo…she does WANT this, she does have a “healthy” figure in the modeling world (she strides that fine line between voluptuous and plus size), which is the figure most supermodels have, except for that crackhead kate moss. All she needs now is that Anglo-Indian accent and she's good as gold!

2. CariDee aka the winner
So why didn’t I put CairDee as the first choice then, well, I’M NOT A RACIST, YOU RACISTS! But seeing from what I did to her photo you can see what I saw and why I picked her. For me, she has it. I think her pictures show a great variety and she’s pretty to watch, she stops your eye and reminds me of Tricia Helfer. Therefore she is perfection.

3. Megg aka Alana from CNTM
This one I WON from rock paper scissor. She’s thin. That’s all she’s pretty much going for her. She's not too too fetching, but she's not too too plain. AAAALLLLAANNNNNNNNA!

4. Christian
My token black girl. Yes she has the hand on the leg and hand in the air. But there’s something that catches my eye when I look at her. Maybe I think she reminds of someone prettier, but she’s still nice and entertaining to look at. Also, I was forced to pick her after I lost a girl to Robyn.
But if she can work that ugly ass, one green-boobed shirt, then she's alrite in my book!

5. Michelle
The evil twin. Everyone scroll up to Amanda and now look at Michelle. You see it don’t you? There’s something off about her, but it’s too much, again, I was forced to pick her. But, long hair, tall and lean, thin – a complete bore and in other words a perfect model. P.S. She's going to be the "bad" girl...

6. Eugena
Wait a minute?! I have two black girls, I forgot – YOU’RE ALL SO RACIST!!! But she has that smirk, she looks sly, flat stomach, she has spunk, and looks good with short hair. And something about her eyes. AND LOOK, an outey belly button, like me (now, grrrrrrrrr) that's why she's last on the list...





And Carolyn’s Default Choice:

Melrose *shudders*
Does anyone see a mix of those creepy clay dolls from “The Corpse Bride” and Alexis Arquette here? This girl is so vile, she looks like the Wicked Witch of the West with no green make up. Just having her picture in my hard drive makes me feel all dirty.