Monday, January 30, 2006

God fucks up sometimes...

So I just now finished watching my favourite show on the planet, 'Dead Like Me', and I just saw my favourite episode. It involves the death of a transexual man, who dies tragically in his plastic surgeon's office, awaiting his first consultation on the procedure to become a woman.
The main point of the story line is that after he's dead, Daisy, his grim reaper comes and takes him for a little stroll until he is ready to "move on". They go to church, so that the man can talk to God and the final scene was just so breathtaking and blasphemous.
The transsexual condemns God for making his life a living hell, "blessing" him with life, but cursing him with the wrong gender. At one point in his rant to God, he shouts:
"It's not fair!"
"The way you died?" (Daisy, the grim reaper asks)

"No... for the way I lived"

I was just taken aback by how true that statement is and how often I've felt it in my life. Daisy does the very catholic thing and tells him to pray and get ready to be forgiven, when the transsexual says "I'll be ready to be forgiven, when He says sorry to me"

At that point a rock is hurled through the stained glass window (by some punk kids) and the transsexual takes this as an apology from God and "moves on".

The whole point? I'm really getting tired of being told how to live. Not saying I'm a transsexual and this is my big coming out post to everyone; but the episode's message speaks volumes to people that don't live the straight and narrow lifestyle.

That poor man must have contemplated suicide more than anyone could possibly imagine because, according to catholic teaching, God gave him a life that God was sure he (the transsexual) could survive and overcome. And if you claim that by getting a sex-change was the way the transsexual could overcome his internal hell, well you're wrong, because the Church means through natural means can he overcome his internal hell. ARGH!

So this is dedicated to anyone whose felt that God has fucked them over but were too scared to believe it. You were right, He probably did.

Below is a little rant I wrote shortly after I came out to my mother, don't worry, my blog will back to it's random funniness soon (I'm thinking of a post that deals with vegans and goths, just trying to tie the two together somehow...)

Why religion is evil.

“A family that prays together stays together”. Simple saying I’m sure a lot of people have heard it. First time I heard it was from my best friend Jen, after she was having a small dilemma with her faith and family. I can’t really remember the details of what was going on, but it was resolved quickly. I look back on this saying and see how cold it feels; how wrong it feels to say it. I wonder how many people that claim to live by this saying (don’t worry jenga, not saying you do) know what it’s like to come out to their family?

Lemme make something perfectly clear here, I am a momma’s boy. My mom tells me jump, I not only say how high, I would ask with how many legs. She is my best friend in the entire world and thought she thought the same of me. Another thing I need to explain to anyone who reads this (maybe more than Janey and Jen this time? LOL) is that most gay males are momma’s boys, I would guess somewhere in the 80% of gay men are closer to their mothers than their fathers. We do not give two shits if our fathers beat the hell out of us after we come out to them, if our fathers kick us out of the house or if they make living in their house a living hell – all we care about is that our mothers will look at us exactly as they did when we were born after we utter “Mom, I’m gay” to them; perfect. There is such a thing as perfection, my mom told me I was perfect and that’s why it’s so hard to accept that I’m gay.

Hope. A VERY strong part of religion. Hope there’s an afterlife, hope that a shitty life wont be so shitty, hope that this plan of your life turns out to kick ass. It’s also that sneaky conniving little bitch that ruins lives. It’s that small glimmer of hope that every gay man has that puts his logic, intelligence and common sense on hold. It’s your mom asking you to help prepare the meal or to accompany her shopping because she trusts your fashion sense or to ask you which actor you think is the most attractive. It’s these and a number of things that makes any gay man think “SHE KNOWS!! SHE HAS TO KNOW! WHY ELSE?! AND IF SHE KNOWS, SHE MUST NOT CARE!!” because you’re still in your home, right? Your mom is not degrading you, right? This hope grows despite all the other things you’ve heard, “gays are just greedy” or “I don’t know what I would do if one of you turned out to be gay”. But those don’t matter, hope gives you that strength to push onward, it will bring an atheist to his knees praying to a god he doesn’t believe in, begging him to make his mother not care, because he’s gonna get up and walk down those stairs, and tell his mom he’s gay. Hope is a lie.

So where is religion in all of this? Why is it evil? Surely my opinion is biased. Nope, it’s not. My mom, being the mother she was, seeing how distraught I was seconds before I uttered those three words that would change our lives, asked me first “whose pregnant?” followed by “or are you sick?” Up to the millisecond, my mom was a total mother, looking out for me, making sure I was ok. But the moment I said,“Mama, I’m gay” followed by me convulsing, nearly collapsing, followed by me asking “do you still love me?” she sat down and said “of course I do, but this is something we’re just gonna have to deal with”. It’s her religion that prevents her from seeing me as that dark hair baby, her last child that she would ever have, and instead sees her child as sick. It’s religion that prevented her from stopping me ask that ridiculous question “do you still love me?” and embracing me with the strongest hug she could muster, and telling me, without me asking, that she loves me. It’s religion that holds that prejudice in her heart, the same heart that I would hear and use to drown out any noise while she fed me as an infant. It’s religion that has masked my mother’s eyes and told her I’m not allowed to be happy. It’s religion that tells her I’m someone different now. It’s religion that causes her to forget that I was once inside her, that I was physically a part of her. It’s religion that has taken my mother from me and now with hope gone, and my logic and intelligence coming back to me – it’s religion that’s evil not us.

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

The Sandman drugs me

I'm known, amongst my vast, vast, vast circle of friends for having some pretty WEIRD dreams. Recently I started writing them down, here are the top three, enjoy!

Dream 1:

Monday May 31st 2004
Me and my family moved to the country, the place is called MIDLAND, me and my brothers are waiting for a school bus (my oldest brother is 31 in real life and my second oldest is 25) and I’m 20. My dad is looking down one end of the street waiting for 'sharlene' the bus driver to come, while our 'neighbour' across the street is looking down the other end of the street, my dad and neighbor made this deal.
I go back into my house telling my mom I need a school bag and the idea that I don’t really need one, first pops up here, but I quickly ignore it.
I miss the bus
But find it, and it's a small bus, PACKED with children that start fighting, I remember it being dark in the school bus, and the children look almost dirty. The bus looks old and ghetto and dark yellow, maybe from the rust and age of the vehicle.
So I go for a walk instead and realize I should be in university, not elementary school – in other words the idea that something is wrong - I was very close to knowing that I was in a dream; but I didn’t admit to it. THEN, I’m walking in a field, that has a paved path, but I’m not walking on the path and walk into a townhouse complex that has 5 moose in it, two baby ones, with sleek coats and then two adult ones, presumably their parents and then one made outta woodI walk to this plant hedge and then wake up.

Dream 2:

Tuesday June 1, 2004

First dream I had I was suppose to meet up with some friends, and end up going to a fast food place, most likely Wendy’s, late at night, but it’s still open and there is a line up. I get a phone call from someone and then find myself walking in an alley with a girl that is scared of me, as I’m thinking she thinks I’ll probably end up raping her, she catches my eye and runs to her car, thinking I’m going to rape her. Then I go to her and ask if everything is ok, she says something I can’t remember and then her other friend shows up and the first girl realizes how silly she was for thinking I would rape her.
The second dream I had, we were in a parking lot and a bunch of us were getting out of cars and I ran up to hug Jenn Tung, with my shirt off, and she didn’t hug as tightly back, maybe cuz of the acne on my back. Then we started to argue playfully, and I called her a freak for eating wood (she was eating wood, but I was thinking of corn flakes) and then Rob R just looked at me and I say – “well it wouldn’t be a problem if it was another type of wood” – and it actually looked like he didn’t get what I meant. And then Jo and Jenn (or Mo) turned away from me.

Dream 3:

January 24, 2006
I’m walking around a ghetto part of TO and realize it's not safe and start walking to a ttc station to get home quicker, specifically I think it’s Museum Station, but it clearly isn’t. I give some bum 5 bucks because he asks if I can spare any change, as I open my wallet I have a few higher bills in there (20’s, 10’s) and he peers into it and gives me this weird look while he takes my five. He’s black. And then a bunch of (black) hobos come after me, telling me to give them money, specifically a guy wearing a green jacket and pink hat, telling me, but no using many words, that because I have so much more, I should give so much more.
THEN for some odd reason, I’m invisible and only Sean can see me and I can walk through anything. So we start hanging out and then I get sad because I’ve met Sean’s black grandmother "momma" and she says all these nasty things about gay people.

Then Sean and I are in the kitchen and I almost knock over this cereal box that’s resting on a plastic container of some sort. The kitchen was small and had white cabinets, almost like Jen C’s kitchen. And we're both shocked because I’m no longer invisible, I scream to momma if she can see me and she can and she's soooooo happy to see me, we start crying we're so happy and then Sean gets jealous and leaves.

I thank HER for all she's done and then leave your house (but it wasn’t Sean’s house on Kensington place) and then as I turn around to look at Sean, I see that he’s naked and I’m looking at him with his back to me and he’s masturbating, furiously.

If anyone wants to do an interpretation of them, by all means, go right ahead; I just hope I'm not a crazy.

Sunday, January 22, 2006


I usually don't do this - but for some reason I felt inspired today...

Colorblind by The Counting Crows

I am colorblind
Coffee black and egg white
Pull me out from inside
I am ready I am ready I am ready I am
Taffy stuck, tongue tied
Stuttered shook and uptight
Pull me out from inside
I am ready

I am ready
I am ready
I am...fine
I am covered in skin
No one gets to come in
Pull me out from inside
I am folded, and unfolded, and unfolding
I am
Coffee black and egg white
Pull me out from inside
I am ready

I am ready
I am ready
I am...fine
I am.... fine
I am fine

-My Favourite Song

Break Free

You make me want to break free and become the air.
Become the air, so I can kiss your lips when the wind blows.
Become the air, so I can play in your hair, like a child lost in innocence, darting through a grassy field.
Become the air, so you can wrap your arms around yourself, and feel how tight I want to hold you.
Become the air so I can remain invisible to you as I am now.

-My Poem

-My Art (inspired by

-My Normality

-My Future

-My Hope

what drives you? what motivates you?

that's just it, the sad thing is, right now, i dont think i have anything that drives me, i like to laugh, i like the smell of gasoline, i like to play board games, i like to dance, i like my friends, but i have nothing right now, that makes me get up in the morning - i guess that's what im looking for

-My Confession

Thursday, January 19, 2006


So I attended my first ever Engineering Box Social and it was a blast. My great friend, one of the jens, Jen Lee organized the whole shin-dig and it was a smash! Here are some memories of this wonderful night:

So the night started out with me meeting my best friend's, Ana, boyfriend, Adam for the first time. Awww first impressions!

But what Ana has done to her, Darek must also have done to him, Avril's kinky!

[Puppy(Me) + Ana(Monkey)]*Happiness = SMILE-ZILLA! - It's like our faces have shrunk to allow room for more smiling...

Thanks Av for being my date - damn we look goooooooood!

Next, Jenn (Red-haired Goddess) owed me 4 dollars, oddly enough, shots were 4 bucks - coincedence or Universal Cosmic Convergence?!?!?!

When you finish your wine before dinner arrives, you gotta do what you gotta do to keep your buzz alive - and in this case it's steal wine from other tables...DON'T JUDGE ME!

Let's take a minute and admire goregous bartender(in the tank)...*sigh*

Let's see, I have pictures of my hags, picture of beautiful bartender, what else do I need to completely gayify this post...SHOES! (Models are Jenn and Avril)

Me and the Jens - one's Chinese and one's Vegan - can you guess which?

The night isn't complete without some girl on gay on girl action!


But after all that drinking and eating and drinking and dancing and drinking - little DarChu was all tuckered out...

Tuesday, January 10, 2006


Top ten things I loved about Cuba:


The beach was beautiful and just because it's number ten, doesn't mean I enjoyed it the least out of all them - it's just the beach becomes so regular and an everyday part of any activity you have, you just get use to it.


The wildlife - so many conches in the ocean, plus falcons in the sky, horses on the road, wild dogs on the beach and crabs that do little stand offs with you before the scurry into their burrows. I felt like I should have been commentating on all the wildlife I saw with a british accent, hehe.


NEW YEARS! Drinking away, counting down, drinking some more, dancing, falling asleep by the pool at 2am, waking up at 4am, looking for my brother, and finally falling asleep in my bed by 4:30. AND still got up at 9:30am the next morning and lounged on the beach! That's called stamina bitches!


Sooooooo muuuuuuuuuuuuch drinking!
Dos cervazas porvavor...yeahyeahyeah pour some more

The men. You can't really see him, but the dance instructor here (sex tight and toned guy in the white bandana, squatting... *wipes drool*) was walking sex in my mind. One of the most goregous men I've ever met; so goregous I even went a little stalkerish by taking this and other pictures...

Making people jealous. Don't be snide but in all honesty, you either wish you were doing me or were me and don't lie. This picture is HOOOOOOOT and I won't play it down as anything else but SMOKIN' HOT! :)


The Culture and...


Culture Shock! That's a movie theatre in the village righ next to the resort. The play the movie on the white side of that building and the smaller shack is the projection booth. But I don't know if they show movies anymore...

Without a doubt, number 4 & 3 were the highlights of my trip...


Friends made. On the top (clockwise) is my brother, Sarah (hidden), Sebastian, Marissa and Leigh-Ann. They truly made my trip a vacation - nice and relaxing! You guys are missed! And on the right is the adorable and perfect Christian. Honestly, has anyone ever seen a kid as cute as this? BE HONEST! Cuz I don't think you have. He followed me and my brother around for most of the week there but he was completely welcome. Just a sweet kid, plain and simple.



TOWEL VAGINAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If all of these pictures still have you wondering if I had a good time in Cuba, allow the bottom picture to answer that question:

Horseback riding...on the beach...during Cuba *sigh*