Sunday, December 25, 2005

No Kiddies For Me!

NO KIDS FOR ME! RAVENOUS, LIFE-FORCE SUCKING MONSTERS! First they start off as the best thing in the world - an orgasm. Then fear - because you're girlfriend, wife, mistress, and if you're in kentucky your cousin slash sister slash wife is late and comes a knockin' on your door! THEN, if you have a soul, you put all your dreams on hold and help your woman with all the pain she will endure for the next 9 agonizing months of her life.



Then you have to raise the little monsters and God forbid you get pregnant soon after...

And then...


but like I was saying....


right...children...good for nothi...


seems like I was saying something...something about children...


I WANT TWELVE OF EACH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Monday, December 19, 2005

Survival of the Fittest

So I just finished my last exam of the term and it was my elective - Anthropology. I can now, with 100% certainty say, I have ABSOLUTELY NO sympathy for Artsies. Now by Artsies, I mean those majoring in any one of the following - Social Science, English, History, The Social Science of English and History, Music, Art, etc.

Lemme explain my comment with a hilarious example...

Typical thoughts floating through an engineer's head during the day before an exam (we'll say held at 2pm and lasting 2.5 hours; OH and we're assuming this course is in the medium range of difficulty):

10 am: Oh man, I'm so tired, studying til 1am and getting up at 8am, so tiring. Luckily, I'm an engineer and have been studying throughout the semester, so no all nighters for me! Hey look, some fellow engineers, I think I'll go sit with them and do some last minute prep before this exam.


12pm: Phew...Glad I got through that section, can't believe I forgot about section 7-9, oh well, it's in there now. Man I wish I could write this exam now...I still have that other one tomorrow and the next one in two days. Oh well, just review section 7-9 now and you'll be fine, you'll be fine.

1pm: GOD DAMN IT! SECTION 12 IS ON THIS MOTHERFUCKER TOO!? WHERE WAS I DURING ALL OF THIS?!....OH RIGHT, ASLEEP, FUCKING PROF'S SOOTHING, LULABY-LIKE VOICE. Alrite, still have an hour, just do a quick review and pray it's not an intergral part of the exam...

1:30pm: Son of a bitch! Section 12 ISN'T on the exam? Goddamn! Alrite, let's get to the room, and get some last minute cramming in.

1:59pm: So shear and bearing AREN'T the same? Thanks student whose name I don't know, but say hello to all the time; you saved me.

Exam begins....

2:00pm: HA! Got my name and student number DOWN! Can't tell me I'm wrong on that fuckers!

2:01pm: Question 1 seems fair enough...

2:02pm: Question 2 seems ok, cept for this part, but I'm sure I'll get it

2:03pm: Question 3 - section 7-9 better do this one first

2:33pm: Christ that took a while but good thing it's done...wait a minute, ah fuck, it's braced...

3:03pm: Good that shit is done! Damn, only 1.5 hours left, gotta do 1 and 2 first!

3:47pm: Alritey, now if I focus, 4 and 5 can be done, 45 minutes left, plenty of time, PLENTY!

3:48pm: *Mental Note - ask TA and confirm that Question 4 is written in english*

3:49pm: QUESTION 5 IS ABOUT SECTION 12!!!!!!!!! DAMN YOU NAMELESS STUDENT, DAMN YOU!!!! Alrite, time to pull something outta my ass.

4:17pm: Lalalala - Moment that, Shear this, Bracing? HELL YA! So deflection is 4.7 metres? Well let's tweek some numbers here - there we go, deflection is 0.00047 nanometers - excellent!

4:18pm: DAMNATION - what in holy hell does he want in question 4!?

4:27pm: When in doubt calculate moment. Done, now class check all the way - yaaaaaaaaay, class 1, that's good right?

4:30pm: *Announcement from TA - THE EXAM IS OVER PUNY MORTALS!* Alritey and the final answer - 5678 bolts, it'll have to do.

THIS is a regular thought process for every engineer that retains some sort of social life. After this exam, we then go on to see what other programs are available at U of T and see what are options are, just in case. Nursing supposedly is really amazing; and I guess one could always be a teacher...

NOW, lemme explain my thought process during my Anthropology (NON-engineering) Exam and studying prep:

December 13th, 4:47pm: YAAAAAAAY, done my last engineering exam, gonna take a few days break and then just read through my notes for anthro, it's on the 19th at 7pm, so I have lots of time - so much to memorize...

December 17th, 1:25pm: Alrite, just a few more levels of Warcraft and then some serious anthro....

December 17th, 3:31pm: Geez, I'm tired, I'm gonna watch some tv, and then after church, STRAIGHT to anthro, wont even turn on my computer.

December 17th, 6:30pm: Alrite, gonna check my email but that's it - wait...what's this? JAMIE! I haven't talk to him since, since, since yesterday - I wonder what he's been up to...

December 17th, 7:45pm: Oh that Jamie - alrite, enough dilly dallying, anthro...

December 17th, 9:15pm: Wow this stuff is boring - nothing like the discovery channel, but yay, I memorized the authrolapithicines - That's enough for today, GOOOOOOOO STUDYING!

December 18th, 12:06pm: Time to get this anthro and archeology crap in my head...

December 18th, 1:17pm: I'm bored - time for a movie!

December 19th, 11:00am: Good thing this exam is at 7pm, time for a nice long study session and I'm at school, no distractions....

December 19th, 12:01pm: WHY OH WHY did they leave the computer labs operating...

December 19th, 5:30pm: So I've eaten, looked over past exams, read through my notes at least once, sorta, I should be good - hey look whose on MSN, Andrew, haven't talked to him in a while....

December 19th, 7:07pm: *Alrite everyone, turn your pages over and begin* FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK

December 19th, 7:29pm: This can't be...the questions are the same as the 2004 80% of this I know from glimpsing over a past midterm...YOU MOTHER #$$^%#%&#%^$%$^ breathe easy Darek - just remember this all for your blog...

December 19th, 7:49pm: I feel so strange...I had two hours to do that exam...I was done in 25 minutes...I'm on the subway back home...there is a strange calm in the air...

I finished that exam in 25 minutes and gave myself 9 minutes to re-check my answers - I was done in 34 minutes... NO SYMPATHY ARTSIES, NONE!!!!!

Saturday, December 17, 2005

Red Fish, Blue Fish, Darwin Fish, Jesus Fish!

So I think I'm going to make everyone completely angry over this post, because I think I'm going to practically offend any type of thinking from religious - political.

So Ultraconservatism, where to begin...
Stephen Harper says, that if he wins this election (HA!), he'll bring back the same-sex marriage debate to the house of commons and do it as a free vote (meaning all MP's won't have their jobs at risk, if they vote against the party). Now, as much as I can't believe what I'm going to say, he does have a point. The same-sex marriage bill passed mainly do to a number of cabinet ministers that had to vote with party (all Liberal) - is this really a right then? Or just bureaucracy? I think most people would agree that a right that is fought for, especially a right that is basic (the right to marry) holds more valor when it was fought for; not because a bunch of rich people didn't want to lose their jobs. THAT being said, I think a basic human right is fundamental, we have it, it's ours, we don't need the law to allow us, just to recognize us. So is voting down this law the very definition of democracy or trumping a human right? Or both?

Anyways, I got off topic, ultraconservatism, keeping everything as it is, until the majority is screaming for a change. Then allowing that change very slowly in hopes that no one remembers the past, or that the change was so gradual, you can't tell the difference between the past and the future. Bullshit. WE ARE ALWAYS CHANGING. I can just see the conservatives rolling their eyes and already mouthing my favourite excuse "but that doesn't mean we need to change everything about ourselves and our society!" - YES, YES IT DOES. Women can choose to work, the mother has no more obligation to stay with children than her father. Gays MUST be allowed to marry, if you can't understand why, you're glossing over a fundamental right. If you're straight, it does NOT affect you, not one bit. Abortion has been happening since the beginning of time; regulate it, don't ignore it. And religion isn't the same all around the world; get use to it.

My biggest pet peeve is when conservatives mask their beliefs to make it seem they are progressive and then get all offensive when they're called on this. It's not Creationism, it's Intelligent Design. ARRRRRGH. It's the same. It never changes, not for them. The whole point about the Jesus Fish - no conservative can give me an excuse why they're against gay marriage/gay rights, abortion rights, euthanasia, or the death penaulty without tying into religious thinking. Even if they're atheist. It's so embedded in the idealogy that you can't escape it.

Ahhh, my next pet-peeve, shifting over to the complete opposite of the political stream and we hit Uber-Liberalism. You know who you are, meat is murder, fur and leather is disgusting, get our troops outta Afghanistan, and abortions should be legal up to the point where the water breaks and after that, is the grey area.
Now, I am the last person to affliate themselves with the Conservative line of thinking - I enjoy inclusivity. However, I hate stupidity. More so than conservative arguements. Going to U of T, I can't tell you how many rallies I'm invited to supporting the removal of our troops from Afghanistan - consequently I can't tell you how many times I wanna crumble up the flyer and throw it in their faces. I have a cousin that went to Afghanistan and fought to bring some kind of order that war-torn land. I fully support the hunt for Osama (remember him, the one that is responsible for the Twin Tower bombings?) and any means that need to be executed to find that murderer and execute him. Afghanistan is a country that is IN NEED, Iraq became a country in need - there is a difference. AHHHHHH, got off topic again.
Anyways, my point with Uber-Liberals - chill. Don't complain for the sake of complaining. I and alot others will eat meat and wear leather and not give one damn about it. I support gay marriage because as a gay man, no one, has the right to tell me I go against the traditionial defition of marriage (there is none! go back far enough, and the traditionial definition of marriage is one man and many wives, monogamy is a relatively new ideal). I support abortion rights, because if I ever have a daughter that needs ones, I'd like her to feel completely comforted during the process and not shunned. I support everyone's right to their opinion, because I am no one to tell you, you are wrong - and I support my right to tell you are wrong, when I know you are in err. Feminism is a good thing - but we all know that too much of a good thing is a bad thing. Stop looking for it in the past, we know it's there, spot it out NOW and fight to have sexism abolished. A woman choosing her husband's last name is not sexist; a woman not getting paid as much as a man for the same job, is. Religion is fine, so long as it doesn't infringe someone's rights. War is needed sometimes (get use to it), support the people keeping you safe and support what THEY want.
Damn, I hope I still have friends after this one.

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Tis the Season to be Greedy

I promised myself that I would refrain from writing a political-type blog, but this needs to be said. They say that the holiday season brings out the best in people; I disagree, it brings out their worst.
Why? Well let's just review two wonderful examples that prove my hypothesis:
Example 1:
Overheard this conversation in the atrium (cafeteria-like place) of my school:
"...Habitat for Humanity"
"I'd never join that!" Dude 1 said
"Why?" Dude 2 asks
"Did you know you have to PAY to be a part of that? Like twent...FORTY bucks! For them to ALLOW you to build a house!" Dude 1 said
"Well they do need to buy supplies, get permits, buy land, wiring, materials....*Dude 2 trails off cuz he knows he's made his point*
"But still, why am I going to pay a charity to help them out?" Dude 1 concludes
At this point I wanted to yell across the foyer "'CAUSE THAT'S WHAT YOU DO WHEN YOU HELP OUT A CHARITY, DONATE TIME AND MONEY" But I refrained, I had my economics exam to study for and needed to leave before I got distracted with thoughts of horror.
Example 2:
Vegans and Turkeys and Donations! OH MY!
Okay, so I told my vegan friend that I would write an entire blog on what I thought about Veganism and it's coming, right after this one, but I just wanted to say how shocked I was to see what I saw my otherwise totally amazing friend Jenn do one day in class.
So we're in class and a donation envelope is being passed for a 'Turkey Raiser' basically giving money to provide a meal to a family in need during the Holiday Season. Easy enough, no? I put in my two bucks, and fill out the form, and then pass it to Jenn. Out of the corner of my eye, I see her writing something on the envelope - I was stunned! Ms. Hardcore Vegan, actually donating money for something that will result in killing an animal, despite her beliefs, so someone she doesnt know, can eat?! MARVELOUS, I thought, then I turned to her and saw that she had written "Meat is Murder" on the form.
Now I am not one for giving up one's beliefs, I can completely understand why she didn't donate to the cause, because it would involve the death of an animal and to her, that's wrong, regardless of the circumstance. However, in the long run, there's still a starving family out there.
So what's my point to this little rant? I don't think the Holiday Seaons brings out our most giving sides; I think it's starting to bring out greediest sides. Next time, a friend of yours passes a homeless person on the street and then quietly makes fun of them to you, turn right around and throw a dollar in the poor soul's hand. Next time you give your spare change to a homeless person, look them in the eye and say "You're Welcome" when they say "Thank You". Let's remember this time of year isn't about the birth of a baby in a manger, or how nine candles could burn for nine days on so little oil. Every day should be a day, where if you're fortunate, did something to help someone less fortunate.
*Concludes speech by shining his halo*

Thursday, December 01, 2005

Tribute to Ana (Part 2)

Why a picture of a monkey you ask? Well this is my second tribute to Ana and since her nickname by me has been 'Monkey' since University started (I was equally blessed with the term of endearment 'Puppy') I find it only fitting for the world to see her as I see her - adorable.

NOW in order for this entry to make sense, you must first check out Ana's livejournal -

Then read this hilarious MSN conversation:

The DarChu - MANGOD! says:
The DarChu - MANGOD! says:
The DarChu - MANGOD! says:

ana says:
The DarChu - MANGOD! says:
I loved typing that

The DarChu - MANGOD! says:
AND IM NOT EVEN DONE YET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The DarChu - MANGOD! says:
im pissing my pants ana!
ana says:
I am currently re-living the experience

ana says:
The DarChu - MANGOD! says:
The DarChu - MANGOD! says:
that was heaven
The DarChu - MANGOD! says:
the purest form of heaven ana
The DarChu - MANGOD! says:
mainly cuz it was about me
The DarChu - MANGOD! says:
and partly, cuz it involved you
The DarChu - MANGOD! says:
but mainly cuz of the first part
The DarChu - MANGOD! says:
being meeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ana says:
ana says:
look! or not really because it's the internet
ana says:
I'm smiling and laughing and it's awesome
ana says:
that was quite fun to go down memory lane and what not
ana says:
did you read the comments
ana says:
Sarah lacey (my roommate) wants to eat you, you're so awesome

The DarChu - MANGOD! says:
lol, im reading them now
The DarChu - MANGOD! says:
you know what's better than having my adorable wonderful, bestest friend ever talk about me?
ana says:
having others do that too?
The DarChu - MANGOD! says:
not just others, STRANGERS!
The DarChu - MANGOD! says:
and adam wants to meet me
The DarChu - MANGOD! says:
The DarChu - MANGOD! says:
ana says:
totally does
ana says:
always had ever since I mentioned you
ana says:
I think he sorta wants your approval

The DarChu - MANGOD! says:
I also wish to meet this Darek and then ritually consume his heart so that I may gain his powers of charisma and social flair. What? Cannibalism is the sincerest form of flattery.
The DarChu - MANGOD! says:

ana says:
hahaha! yeah
The DarChu - MANGOD! says:
lol, well yeah, it's my friggin approval, he should be doing some sort of fucking pilgrimage to my shrine in sauga (we have one now) and praying that i dont smite him where he stands
The DarChu - MANGOD! says:
"and then he twirled me around like 4 times!!! 4!!!"
ana says:
The DarChu - MANGOD! says:
LOL HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA! and you're right, i totally didnt see you
The DarChu - MANGOD! says:
but when i did
The DarChu - MANGOD! says:
oh man oh man
ana says:
we shall make sure to leave offerings at your shrine
ana says:
perfect clementines and sticks of incense
The DarChu - MANGOD! says:
oranges and rose petals
ana says:
ONLY the flawless ones too

The DarChu - MANGOD! says:
lol, i cant believe we both forgot about goddess karen

ana says:
...oh my.
ana says:
it seems you have replaced the old god
The DarChu - MANGOD! says:
the student has become the master?
ana says:
ana says:
The DarChu - MANGOD! says:
My god your mom's going to kill me or I'll never see you again and through the filipino family network all my other filipino friends moms will ban them from hanging out with me and HOW COULD YOU NOT TURN IN TIME?
The DarChu - MANGOD! says:
i fucking pissed my pants when i read this monkey
The DarChu - MANGOD! says:
my god
The DarChu - MANGOD! says:
work of art

ana says:
ana says:
this is awesome. I should talk about you more.
ana says:
I usually don't get responses that quick

The DarChu - MANGOD! says:
lol, do you see!?!?!?!?
The DarChu - MANGOD! says:
do you see my power?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
The DarChu - MANGOD! says:
like i wasnt fucking joking about great i am

ana says:
but I should go home soon. I'm at skule and now it's late and the dark is full of rapists
ana says:
ana says:
I wish I could save this conversation and post it...they will probably eat it all up
ana says:
and praise you more
ana says:
ok. home!! ttyl

The DarChu - MANGOD! says:
i'll send it to you
The DarChu - MANGOD! says:
and i shall also post this on my homepage

And Ana I held true to my word, I posted it for all the world to see. Something this funny has to be shared; for the good of the Universe.

P.S. What's better than having your best friend tell the world how great you are? STRANGERS AGREEING WITH HER!
adamtron5001 (Ana's boyfriend, but I havent met him, so he's a stranger)
one day i guess i should meet this fellow

hellespont (Ana's roommate)
I also wish to meet this Darek and then ritually consume his heart so that I may gain his powers of charisma and social flair. What? Cannibalism is the sincerest form of flattery.Also, I love that picture on his blog. It's like what I think anime would be if it were real.

laruku42 (Ana's reply to her roommate, it was hilarious!)
it was great!!we bumped into the street (like literally...I walked into him because I was expecting him to notice me, stop and say hi...but he didn't)and then he twirled me around like 4 times!!! 4!!!