Thursday, December 13, 2007

ANTM: America's Next Top Meh

So how utterly dissappointed was I that Tootie I mean Saleisha won ANTM Cycle 9? In fact this past cycle and the one before it, were the worst EVER in ANTM history. Why? Well let's take a look at the winners from ANTM cycle 9:

Ugh, Saleisha. She may look cute and adorable in this photo...oh wait, she looks cute and adorable in every photo! There's no high-fashion here. There's nothing I can make fun of! Even when she's trying out her black-itude she's cute as a pixy!

Ugggggggggggggggggggggggggh! Jaslene or as she says her name "Jhas-Lin". She's the winner from ANTM 8 and this taco's burrito is just too spicy!! Too thin, too cleft-chinned, too guacomole! I felt sorry for her because a highlight of her career will be part of a runway show from some designer in China that couldn't get an actual audience, so he had to hire people to watch his clothing line.

Plus she has deaf-voice. "Eathy, breathy, boo-ti-fol cober gurl!"

I'm going to go thru all of Saleisha's boring ass adorable pictures and show you how STUPID modeling agencies are for wanting this as their representative. (My theory is that Tyra picks maybe 500 girls, bring them to the agency, the CEO or president or whatever says "I want this one" points to a girl and Tyra picks 12 other girls to make a very entertaining show.)

Photoshoot 1:
Yeah, ok, Saleisha looks pretty hot here. Crossed legged, kinda giving the goddess heather to her left the "hey girl" look. But why? Is it her fierce modelling ways? Nope. Two words - long hair.

Photoshoot 2:

She's upside down. Look at that. That's all I really have to say about this picture because a)I can see the harness and therefore it's nothing special and b) she looks like she's holding on to the rope.

Photoshoot 3:

She looks sick. Not sick as in fly or hot or "daaaaaamn" - like unhealthy, itchy and gross. She's suppose to be a tulip. She looks like a cross between an Ewok and a rash.

HERE is a good picture from this shoot:

Meet the smartest person ever on ANTM - Victoria. She's suppose to be a cactus and has the distinction of showing how stupid it is that Jay Manuel and Tyra take themselves seriously by uttering one of the best lines ever: "You're not being Baby's Breathe enough!" I love her. And her picture protrays what she is - she looks uncomfortably, prickly and the twist in her neck reminds me of the grooves you find in cacti. This was the photo that she got eliminated for.

Photoshoot 4:

Can anyone tell me why her va-gooch looks so big and well wide? All I think about is Mean Girls and "it's not my fault I have a wide-set vagina and a heavy flow!" and now because I've said THAT all I can think of is "My anus is bleeding!".

She's a "fashion-gargoyle" - do you suppose the people that come up with these shoots realize no one cares what the girls do, so long as they look hot, so they just smoke up all day and watch disney cartoons? Cuz I do...

Photoshoot 5:

Girl's a tire, ya'll. Yep a fucking tire. Now I can't blame the pixy for Tyra's stupidness and I have to admit she looks hot. But you could put virtually any background behind her and you would still notice the cute pixy in the tight skirt. There's nothing here relating her to her, albeit. stupid ass photoshoot.

She's still looks like Tootie!

Photoshoot 6:
Remember when you were young and when you had to go pee you'd grab your crotch, thinking this would hold in the pee?

I wonder why I'm suddenly reminded of this....
Photoshoot 7:
It's Moe from the 3 Stooges everyone! She doesn't look cute here but more like something is just off about her face. Like she was caught laughing? Or sneezing? I dunno, too much pixy dust will do that to you.
Also - a vest and a tank top? Really?...Really?

Photoshoot 8:
So apparently the theme for this photoshoot was being a "Chinese-Princess". She's black. Nuff said.

But wait! Before I'm called a racist - a new hilarious colleague of mine made the great point of asking "What in the fuck is a Chinese Princess anyway?! They had their feet bound and were sold once they started menstrating - nothing regal about that!" Excellent point! But if I were to think of a Chinese Princess, I would think someone covered up, demure, shy but sexy as hell, I would think of:

Heather. Oh look at that. She's covered up (for the most part). She's very shyly sticking out her leg and in a very seductive stance. And I can totally see in my mind her walking down these stairs as the entire court just gasps at her beauty. Which is the image one would want when thinking of a Chinese Princess!

This is the photo she got eliminated for.

Photoshoot 9:

I think the theme for this photoshoot was to be a chief warrior trying to scale the Great Wall of China. I see a girl, bouncing, and she's gonna smash into the wall. I also see a girl that has the cartoon remedy for a tooth-ache around her face. And she looks stumpy.

The thing that bothered me about this photo is that the judges LOOOOOOVED it. Some saying it was the best in the history of ANTM - REALLY?!

Best in the history of ANTM? This?! But not say,

this one:

Kahlen as the Sin of Wrath.

Or this one:
Britney as some sexy-ass candy!

Or this one:
Victoria as part of her anti-smoking campaign (look at the reflection in the mirror).

With Tyra telling me THAT photo of Tootie was the best ever - I felt like I was in George Orwell's 1984 and soon Big Brother aka Tyra was going to tell me that 2+2 is sometimes 5 if she sees fit for it to be 5!!

Photoshoot 10:

Again she's adorable. And you know what? That's perfectly fine. She's selling (or trying to) fruit flavoured lip gloss to little girls. You want someone cute for that. And it's completely fine that she's commerical. But when you try to make a commercial model a high fashion model - you get a cute girl with a toof-ache trying to conquer the Mongols. There is no such thing as a Top Model - and I thank you Saleisha for pointing this out!

Monday, September 10, 2007

RIP Miss Piggy

RIP Miss Piggy
July 2005-August 2007
You are going to be missed

Thursday, June 21, 2007

And Back!

So it's been 3 months since I've put something up here and I figure I should try something controversial. Skepticism. I know, I know - you're all gasping and shocked that I would try something this controversial, but hey, that's how I do.

I've been given the cute little nickname by my friends of "Actually" - because I always point out flaws in stories/facts people use/urban legends people believe. I can't help it, I really can't. If something is inaccurate, I'd want someone to correct me (despite the stubborn bitch I am) so I don't sound unintelligent in front of others.

I think it started waaaay back in high school when my brother saw me reading a bunch of "facts" that are sent through chain letters on the interweb. You must've gotten them:

"A duck's quack doesn't echo and no one knows why"

"Kentucky Fried Chicken became KFC because it uses mutated/incest chickens that legally aren't chickens anymore"

"Humans only use 10% of their brains"

And so on and so forth. My brother saw these and asked the simple question of "Why don't you look up useFUL facts?" And so it began. I became interested in what was truly believed by credited professionals and not the crap floating around on the internet. And if something really interests me, then it's in my head. Permanently. (A ducks quack does echo, it's just the way the quack sounds that covers up it's own echo/Kentucky Fried Chicken became KFC so that people wouldn't be turned off the product by the word "Fried"/Humans use 100% of their brains, just not 100% of the time)

So I would correct people that started with these urban legends and such. Most people took it swimmingly "Oh cool, I knew something was fishy about that story" was the general response. And then I began to question stories about ghosts/supernatural experiences and such. Until I made the grand affirmation: I don't believe in ghosts.

I'm not an atheist (I don't understand how an atheist can believe in ghosts, maybe someone can help me understand that). I do believe in God and the existence of the soul. But I don't believe the things that occur on Earth, matter in the grand scheme of things. I always found the belief in ghosts so very "centric" - something happened to someone, so therefore something needs to remain of that someone. One person out of 6 billion is practically nothing (mathematically speaking).

So that's why I don't believe in ghost stories. They're too "perfect" every other possibility is null and void leading the listener to only believe ONE and only ONE truth - that a ghost exists. I quietly hide my smirks whenever someone speaks of Ouiji Boards and shield them from my rolling eyes; call me a skeptic but I just can't believe that the makers of Monopoly have created a communication device with the dead.

I remember once my friend was telling me of a story about how he and a group of friends were doing the Ouiji Board at someone's house and asked the ghost what the number on the house was and it pointed to the number of the house. So I stated "well you guys knew the number on the house, when you pulled up there", my friend replied "most of us just followed one or two people, and it was dark, so no one saw the number" to which I rebutted "all it takes is one person to just nudge it [the curser] in the direction you want it to go to" to which my friend said "Noooooo, no one was moving the curser" to which I replied "But the owner of the house knows his own number" and at that point I could tell my friend was getting a little miffed, so I let it go. But there's always something to counteract the logical reasoning behind a ghost story - it was dark, no one knew the number, it moved on it's own, it was a new house so the owner wasn't accustomed to seeing his new house number - ALWAYS something to lead you to the only conclusion that 1) it was the supernatural and 2) fear it.

I think psychics are the smartest people in the world - EVERYONE is scared of death and the uncertainty of the future and what will happen to those they love. You will ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS have people coming to you wanting to make sure someone is ok. I would love to just go up to a psychic and say "Alright, go". Not give them my name, nor my age, or sign, not anything that they can make a generic reference to (let's face it, most people in the same age bracket are experiencing at least SOME of the same things).

I most certainly don't believe in Astrology. Your birthdate is a fluke. 9 months is the generic range. Someone women give birth early, others give birth late; it's genetics that determine when your mom is ready to pop you out, not the alignment of the stars. After you're born, then it's all exact according to your sign OR defined by some range. Jamie gave me a card reading once and said I would live anywhere from 1-2 years, 10-20 years or 100-200 years from the time of the reading. I'm not saying it wasn't fun or nifty to have my best friend give me a reading, I'm just saying for something that is already determined, it should be read like a book no? I shouldn't have a psychic tell me they are getting "someone that starts with a D" (if you were a ghost would you tell someone that can see you "tell my son, my name begins with a D"?)
I do believe in Alien races - if Earth is one of trillions upon trillions of planets that evolved life, I'm fairly certain it occurred again, somewhere else. Have they visited us? I highly doubt it; I look at the Earth as more of a Brampton of the Universe, the things worth visiting are few and far between so why travel so far for cheaper merchandise and a terribly planned piece of land?
I guess I'll always been that one guy that just bursts people's bubble; I've come to accept that nothing really magical happens here, so it's no wonder stories are created to spice things up. Then again I'll probably be the first to die once a ghost serial killer starts terrorizing my friends.

Monday, March 19, 2007

My Beliefs

So a new blog already for Darek? This means that it's crunch time at school and he's slacking - well more I'm semi-sleep deprived and just finished writing 5 chapters of my thesis in 3 days!
I recently took a quiz to determine what faith I most align myself with and according to this quiz I, with a rating of 100%, am a Secular Humanist.
Let's see what are some of the fundamentals of Secular Humanism and if that really portrays my belief structure:

Belief in Deity: Not considered important. Most Humanists are atheists or agnostics
- Darek believes in God. Darek believes worshipping God is not what God wants because God doesn't want anything
Incarnations: Same as above.
-I guess you can say Darek believes in reincarnation but more on that issue later
Origin of Universe and Life:The scientific method is most respected as the means for revealing the mysteries of the origins of the universe and life.
-Of the physical universe and life, yes. I still believe in a spiritual aspect.

After Death: An afterlife or spiritual existence after death is not recognized.
-Not in terms of heaven and hell - just existing after we die and either coming back or just staying where we came from.

•Why Evil? No concept of “evil.” Reasons for wrongdoing are explored through scientific methods, e.g. through study of sociology, psychology, criminology.
-Evil is subjective so no true definition of it exists <- that's all Darek belief ya'll

Salvation: No concept of afterlife or spiritual liberation or salvation. Realizing ones personal potential and working for the betterment of humanity through ethical consciousness and social works are considered paramount, but from a naturalistic rather than supernatural standpoint.
-Salvation doesn't exist - there's nothing to be saved from.
•Undeserved Suffering: No spiritual reasons but rather a matter of human vulnerability to misfortune, illness, and victimization.
-Again because evil is subjective, suffering under a subjective evil is subjective as well.
•Contemporary Issues: The American Humanist Association endorses elective abortion. Other contemporary views include working for equality for homosexuals, gender equality, a secular approach to divorce and remarriage, working to end poverty, promoting peace and nonviolence, and environmental protection.
-Yep, yep, yep on all counts.
So not too much in common with secular humanism except for that last tidbit. I guess my belief structure comes down to the notion that God cannot be personified. Using words like God, Goddess, He, Her, Him, Jesus, Vishu - names in general just make it that much harder to trying to understand what God is.
For me, God is the very essence of existence. We are all from this before we are born, we choose a path in life we wish to follow (being part of God requires that you know all outcomes of life and all knowledge of everything - logically the only thing you cannot know is the existence of not knowing everything) follow that life (whether it's to become a single mother, a scientist, a flea, a president, a war criminal, a murderer, a pedophile, a teacher, an engineer, a paraplegic, a cow, a mad cow, a trekkie, or a model) until it is over and then we reunite to what it was that we left.
I have no clue why I am writing this or who for but it's the best way I can think of real answers to the real questions I've asked myself. I've never been one to take a side 100% (I may be stubborn as hell, but I'm usually proven wrong, learn something and move on). Yes I was a strict Roman Catholic at one point in my life, but I never completely agreed with the Church. Many times I just wanted to be like Douglas Adams and make a defiant statement that "NO, God does not exist" - but saying that just never felt right to me. I don't think I'm suppose to be an atheist with the life I'm living now.
Here's the link for the test: take it and tell me where you belief structure most aligns with. I'm curious to see whose what.

Monday, March 12, 2007

Oh Waiter...

I am a tipper. That doesn't mean I am a great tipper. I tip accordingly and with what I feel is respectful for the service I've received. This usually means I tip anywhere from 10-20%, sometimes because the service is deplorable and sometimes because I don't have a lot of cash on me.

What I don't understand is when people treat waiters with disrespect. I really don't think people understand that for the entire time of their meal (at a restaurant or fast food joint) a patron will only see their meal for 50% of the time. So if you're at a restaurant for 1.5 hours - you're only enjoying and seeing your food for less than 45 minutes (unless your Jen C, in which case you're eating for a few hours).

So it just boggles my mind when someone gives a waiter attitude - it's not their fault that something is not on the menu (go some place that is) or if a change in a side order comes with a $1.99 charge (that's the chain's/restaurant's policy) or if a substitute cannot be made (some restaurants don't carry certain types of wine) - so it makes no sense when someone cusses off a waiter, writes a snide remark on a credit card receipt or a flat out "no!" when their meal is about to be placed onto a table and is shoved away by said patron (yes I have heard of this occurring people). The things that can be done to your food when you're not looking at it and you would not have any idea of it being done are numerous.

So to ensure that YOU don't act like an asshole (unintentionally) and that your food arrives as quickly and delicious as possible here some nifty tips and rules of thumb to go by:


1. Your meal arrives but it's all wrong, here you can ask to have it sent back (politely) and are not obligated to tip terrifically (here you can get away from the 10-15% range).

2. Your meal arrives and the side order is wrong (me personally, I bite the bullet and eat, because well, I'm hungry) but if you were really, really craving that salad/soup/fries then enjoy your entree and send back the side. Again, if the service is perfection except for this little snafu, I think a tip of about 15% is still required.

3. You are seated and within 5 minutes a server has introduced his/herself and gotten the drink order down. Comes back with the drinks, asks if the partrons are ready to order (takes down order if they are) or comes back in 10 minutes and then takes down order, in 20 minutes the meals have arrived, drinks are refreshened and server makes sure the meals are correct. Server comes back in 10 more minutes, refreshes drinks, asks if everything is alrite and is not seen again until the plates are cleared and the bill is brought. +15% is required and expected.


1. Server does the squat. This isn't gameplay, you're not my best friend and you're pretending to be friendly. So just expect some people to be a little put off by that. However, if case THREE occurs (from Tipping) again, tip accordingly.

2. Server asks inappropiate questions - "Do I look fat in this uniform?" "My boyfriend just broke up with me" - are things patrons don't need to know about nor are they expected to answer. Questions like this may result in lower tips...

3. Server comes, takes drink order, comes back, gives the patrons a few more minutes, 20 minutes pass by, then comes back, takes order, order comes back wrong, makes no apologies, doesn't freshen drinks (big pet peeve is having to ask another waiter to get refills) and only returns when the bill is dropped down - server gets and is expected to receive a tip of less than 10%.


1. Meal arrives and it's perfect - tip at least 15%

2. Meal arrives with one little minor mistake - tip in the 15% range (-+2%)

3. Meal arrives completely NOT what you ordered (you wanted vegetarian pasta and you get pork wrapped in beef) and the service was slow and rude. Expect a tip of next to nothing - personally I would round up to the nearest dollar. If the behaviour was something that was exceptionally rude - I would even talk to the manager.

Well I think that covers it, so I hope I have enriched your lives and given some reliable tips to a better meal.

Pork wrapped in beef!

Sunday, March 04, 2007

Take That You Hosers!

I just found this clip on youtube and I'm utterly disgusted:

And I'm not disgusted because some white-bred bitch with blond hair puts herself up on a pedestal and uses a derogatory term for an entire minority group at something that would be considered, at the very least, a "professional" conference.

What I'm angry and disgusted with is the applause she gets in the end. Ann Coulter is a dumb bitch. I really don't think anyone can dispute this fact. With this little conference she has gone from ultra right-winger to conservative fanatic; she's right up there with Pat Robertson now and will soon begin loosing respect across the board.

She is now a certified bigot. Even the most die-hard conservatives I've met all have one thing in common - you don't trump on human rights. Go back 50 years, replace "faggot" with "nigger" and you'd have the exact same response. A bunch of white people thinking they are better than another minority group and feeling they can laugh it up at their expense.

But things change, no one would be able to get away with a statement like that if it focused on a visible minority group. I may be angry and disgusted by the applause she received because the audience is just fucked up as her, but the one thing I won't be is scared. Fear is what conservatives want, it's what put people in the back of the bus and it's what prevents 10 or 11 year old boys from telling their parents, casually, over dinner, that they really, really like the boy next door.

Which brings me to my next point - same-sex marriage. The most recent article about it that I've found at and the jist of it is that the Washington Supreme Court voted against allowing same-sex marriage because according to them, marriage is for procreational purposes and defending traditional marriage ensures families will be made. Now a new law is coming up for debate that says married couples MUST have a child within 3 years of marriage or their marriages will be annulled.

I'm surprised that there isn't outrage against this bill. And I think I may have figured out why...

Try listing as many reasons, for a straight couple, to be against this bill:

"When and if me and my spouse decide to have children is none of the government's business!"

"The government has no right to interfere with the way my spouse and I wish to run our lives!"

"We want to be married, we don't want to have children"

Interesting how these reasons can be said by man or women, gay or straight couple, no? If straight conservative couples deplore this bill, they are inadvertently supporting the exact same rights of same-sex couples. Now I am scared. It'll be interesting to see how this all ends - will straight people allow a bill to pass that will control their lives just so they don't have to open their minds a tinsy weensy bit and understand the troubles faced by gay couples? Or will people smarten up and see that when the government comes into your bedroom, it ain't looking for a threesome?

Wednesday, January 31, 2007

I Don't Get It

Holy Moly I haven't put up a post in such a long time. But I have an hour to kill before my urbanization class and decided this is better than listening to music or reading my book.
Recently I went to see a play staring the Devine Miss Jennifer 'Bella' White in "7 Deadly Monsters". Miss White was a phenom but I walked out of the play with
<- this look on my face.
I didn't get it...I got small bits and pieces. I laughed at the funny parts and enjoyed the subtle humor. But in the end, I didn't get a real understanding of what was going on. Jamie got it. He was able to explain to me. Him and Bella joked about how where Jamie understood that "Monster" meant the emotions we hate but can't live without I was thinking about how I could build something to save the people from the monsters.
While walking around York U, Jamie was skipping down Nostalgia Lane remembering his times in Drama class where he hilariously changed a military macho man scene into two fags gabby about the high school dreamboat. Fucking brillance! I could tell that Jamie was feeling not so much blue but more that he wished he had taken one or two more drama classes.
My response to him wishing he had done more while in school - "So take a drama course at a community college" Jamie gave the response we all do when told we should do more school (especially when it's not needed) "Yeah I could" which mean he wouldn't and then I concluded with "And that's that. This closes the chapter in Jamie's life according to the black and white book of Darek."
I've always found this is the case in these kinds of situations all of my life - when there's a choice between logic/pragmaticism and artistic expression/understanding, I choose logic . Where some people excel in English or Literature - I don't. I got math, I got chemistry, I got physics. I can write and read. I can identify imagery in a book - hell even respect it if it's incredibly well written. But put me in a room where the term "Monster" doesn't mean "Monster" and it's all over.
In OAC English, one of the 6 books we had to read in the term was "Stone Angel" by Margaret Lawerence. One of the worst books I have ever read in my life. Where Aldous Huxley's Brave New World was something I simply didn't enjoy and forced myself to read in 3 days to "get it out of the way" - Stone Angel was a complete and total snore.
I will always remember one defining scene in my life in class where my teacher Mr. Bonnah wanted us to discuss one scene in the book. The scene was when the main character, Hagar, an elderly lady upset at the world, farts in her chair, mentions she's farted and goes off on this diatribe about how shitty her life is.
So all the more artistic-inclined people in my little group discussed how she farted was a symbol because "society" had turned it's back on her and the farting act "symbolizes" that Hagar is a symbol of how the world doesn't care for it's elderly.
I said "She's led a long life, had children, has grandchildren - she's earn the right to fart in public and not give two shits what the world thinks" - my group didn't agree, we went with the "artistic" expression in the main class discussion and my teacher nodded in approval. I'm sure they were right - I just hate knowing that for some reason their interpretation is more "right" than mine.
I may not be the best engineering student or have that much respect for the profession; Hell I'm writing a novel myself and love to read. But I like the right/wrong answer approach. I hate that people think I'm going to be a snob when they tell me what their major is after learning I'm in Civil Engineering. I may not get how someone can fail "The History of Basket Weaving" but hell if studying The Psychology of Russian Literature and it's Progression into the Ukranian Psyche floats your boat, float on!
Just don't assume because I look for a solution to a problem as opposed to trying to understand why a solution is needed or if the problem is really a problem and the real problem is people thinking something is a problem in the first place that I can't be artistic, appreciate a good piece of music and snap with all the hipster cool hipsters at a gothic poetry reading.

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

Well There's Your Answer Fish-Bulb

So I get a lot of slack for the fact that I look like I'm 12. Also for the fact that my metabolism is the greatest/worst thing on the planet, trapping me forever in the body of a 16 year old girl; a 16 year old girl that can eat fast food on average twice a week without any exercise!!

But aside from my body, I have a face that can contort into some pretty weird shapes as seen here <-- And because of the fact that I'm a chameleon, I've had my dear friends inform me that I look like a variety of cartoon characters, so much so, that I dressed up as one for halloween. I know I'm just giving fodder to Brendan and Jamie for more jokes that will leave me in tears in the dead of night, wishing that people would just LIKE ME!!!! I mean, oh you guys, so crazy funny!

First off caillou, which I only resemble when I have my shaved head. I think it was Sam that pointed this out, at a picnic, where I arrived wearing a yellow tee-shirt and blue shorts.

I laughed with all my other friends at how funny Sam was for her observation.

But on the inside I was shattered.

I usually only look like Doug in the early summer season, when the tan as faded long away and I've shaved my head for the summer.

So let's see, nifty red running shoes, tiny little dog that is basically an animal version of himself and whiter than snow...

Hi Brendan!!

And speaking of Brendan, he was the one that made this connection.

I'm Hermie...a fucking dentist elf...

But enough for me to dress like him for Halloween...

Damn hat took nearly 4 hours to make and damn mother finished it off in 2 minutes... *continues grumbling*

And last but not least, after catching an oldie but a goodie of the Simpsons, I noticed very much, that WHEN I win the lottery, I will be Richie Rich.

I mean, he even has the part in his hair...

And dimples...