Monday, December 04, 2006

And the Competition Comes to a Close (sorta)...

So a couple months ago, me and my dear friend Robyn got into a little contract about America's Next Top Model Cycle 7, we each picked 6 girls and the one remaining was given to our dear friend Carolyn...

Well the finale is almost upon us, so I thought I'd go back and pick out those few pictures (because these photo shoots have been truly heinous and dull) that stood out and were actually superb. Enjoy!

Ladies and gentlemen I give you this cycle's "Girl Who Got Mad-Shafted". Megan was fucking PERFECTION, except for one flaw, she's 23. But this picture was so damn good. The over-exaggeration of divadom (is there such a thing?) is perfect here, the body language, the look on her face, the stupid little mut of a dog - all very perfect.
Megan, maybe it was better this way, I mean you avoided the Tyra speech of:
"Megan, in this industry your looks are everything and even though air-brushing will ALWAYS be around and even though models that are 40+ are still doing work and looking like they're in their 20's, that only comes with experience!"

I know, I know, I'm agreeing with the judges - but this is a fabulous photo! It's very "editorial" (still dont really know what that means, but can you tell that? nope!) and has almost an artistic side to it. I mean it does address the issue of bulimia nervosa and it's actually shocking.
.
.
.
.
Kay, I'm gonna be a HUGE prick here but...don't bulimics usually throw up into a toliet?
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, that's the "actually" speaking, not Darek!

This picture is just funny. It's so typical "Dumb Blond" it's ridiculous! But I love it! Here legs go on forever, end bent and hidden behind a hug book, the big hair, the doe-y eyes and look of pseudo-concentration but just looking really pretty - I FUCKING LOVE YOU CARIDEE!!!!! - I'm sorry, I'm sorry, that was the passion talking...
But a phenomenonal start to say the least!


Then... Alot of stuff didn't happen, really, all the photo shoots were pretty dull and boring, until Tyra came to save the day... and I feel sick for actually saying that...

We'll start with my least favourites - it's not so much scary as it is "You know that feeling when you wake up in a bus station with a condom in your ear?!"

One eye looks sorta normal and the other looks like she got cut in a fight over who gets to own here at the Women's Correctional Facility...


Not bad for a Sara Rue look-a-like but still nothing great. I mean now she's sporting Lebanese sideburns and her neck has minor fat-rolls - THAT'S why she's scary.



Eugena looks more confused than scary. Here's something that'll make this picture that much more scary, thanks to Travis:

Everyone, look in a little closer at the picture, now imagine Eugena saying this, in a whispy, almost molestery voice:

"Hi, my name is Eugena, I'm hear to WAAAASSSHHHH yo' vagina"

Fucking terrifying no?!?!?!

It's not so much scary but what I see when I see this pic is one of two possible outcomes - Anchal's either done something or is about to do something. It's that raised eyebrow, I'm sucker for them, it's my weakness I know, this picture looks more devious than scary...

Also it looks like she has one ear, what the fuck?! THAT'S scary!


Now we all know how much I hate trannies - MAKE UP YOUR MINDS! - but I learned to love Jaeda, once she got her hair cut, she actually looked like a model.

And this picture is just ripe with versatility

why you may ask

if Jaeda can look this good while looking so bad and still look like this
...
..
.

You found yourself America's Next Top Model - DONT GROW YOUR HAIR OUT!



Damn you Mel-Ho, this is actually a pretty good picture! Not so much bus-stop-condam-in-ear and more so, scary crawler from "The Descent"

And we all know how that movie actually scared me!

Now the stupid judges didn't like this one, but we all know they're morons - I really think she did a great job at "being scary but not losing her model" She's still pretty and this photo could sell.


Hello America's Next Top Model - I LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE THIS PICTURE SOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH.

The way this picture feels so uncomfortable, so raw, so harsh!

Her mouth looks like it's just opening up for something to eat - like your soul!

I heart CariDee!!!!




So whose left in the final three??

Well let's see!

There's perfection, also known as CariDee also known as MY FIRST CHOICE PICK!!

Kicking yourself in the ass now, aren't you Robyn?!

Drag Queen my ass Nigel "I'm a pussy that can't take a GREAT joke" Barker, I hope when CariDee wins she slaps you in the ass and grinds up and down on you where leather chaps!

Oh man, when CariDee wins that'll be two winners in a row for Darek - the closest I've come to winning things in a long long time!






I MEAN COME ON! LOOK AT THIS PERFECTION! She's been in the bottom two for the last two weeks and why? To throw us off.

That's the smartest they can be. The ONLY thing that's stopping me from collecting on me bet now is if the judges just pick Eugena (she's the only one left that's 18) for the age factor. But 20 years old is not too bad of a number.

P.S. This was also a faboulous pic of Amanda, I was surprised!



WHOSE THIS?! Eugena AKA my second pick?! Oh Robyn, this must utterly blow for you!

You have to admit though - best picture out of all the bull fighting pictures, but not hard to say that, with CariDee's eyes closed, Melrose looking like the mother of the female lead from The Corpse Bride, and the twins and their awkward (too awkward) poses.

But all in all, brava girl! Now let's just some ProActiv on you and you're set!

And whose last in the final three? Melrose. And damnit, why is she such a good model? Thank god you're 23 - you're the Jade of the group and it's wonderful!
But wait...where are Robyn's picks?
Oh...
...
..
.
They're not here anymore; they're all gone.
I'm telling you Robyn - age is everything!!!
18-20 MAX, I don't think there has been a winner older than 20 in any of the seasons and we all know the first season doesn't count!
I know I sound smug but I'm on such a high right now, my exam went pretty good, I finally talked to Travis after so long of not talking to him, and I'm getting over my cold/flu.
Can't wait for that free meal Robyn :)

2 comments:

Chicks said...

Ahem...I think you mean that you can't wait to cook me my meal, Mr. Darek. You all laughed at me when I got the ugly Melrose, and now look at my girl!!! Mmmm.....I can taste the delicious food now.

Sean said...

Eugena totally got a free ride with the terrible skin this season y'all! If Janice Dickinson had still been around you can bet your sweet bippy that she'd be throwing some bitchy comments and pumice scrub at her.

Then Brooke would ask her again what makes her so bitchy... and I would crap my pants laughing, again. Now THAT'S good TV!