The Contract

So after hearing how much fun Jamie has with his co-worker Sasha about their betting game with America’s/Canada’s Next Top Model to figure out the winner, I decided to have one with my dear friend Robyn aka Perfection.

So, we each chose 6 girls, where if the 1st or 2nd girl wins on either list, then the loser has to treat the winner to a classy restaurant. If the 3rd or 4th girl on the list wins then dinner will be had at a regular sit down place located anywhere downtown. IF the 5th or 6th girl on the list wins, then dinner has to be made by the loser for the winner.

After writing up the contract we had the difficult decision of figuring what to do if the one girl neither of us picks, wins. So, we asked our dear friend Carolyn (batman from the previous post) to be our witness for this contract and be the holder of said contract. If the one girl that neither of us liked wins, Robyn and I will make Carolyn dinner.
Below are Robyn’s, Carolyn’s (by default) and Yours Truly picks. We picked 6 each and then if we chose the same girl, we would rock paper scissor to keep her, the loser picks another girl – I lost two out of three of these rounds, so my selection isn’t the greatest…

Robyn’s Choices:

1. Megan aka Kim from season 6
Damn girl, I wanted this one! Not like she’ll win, she’s 23, and therefore expired. But still, she looks like Kim, quite possibly the only lesbian I liked. She's got that masculine and feminine dealy down pact...but she's 23. I have to say, Robyn was rather gutsy picking Megan as her first choice to win.

2. AJ
Another one I lost :( I see nothing but potential and she’s 18, so she’s perfect age-wise. She has striking features, and posed for her picture, that’s always a good sign. Yes, she did the hand on hip action and that awkward head tilting that actually looks awkward but look at her! Just sweet, sexy class!

3. Brooke aka Boring
I didn’t want this one, in fact I say she’ll be the first one to go (I know Jamie is shaking his head - sorry Jamie, you see potential, I see a blond Sara Rue) but I don’t see anything that makes me want to stop and look at her. But what do I know? Oh wait, I picked ANDREA from CNTM as the winner from her terrible picture with brown hair!!!
Anyone else see it?








4. Jaeda aka the tranny
Yeah…I dunno WHAT Robyn was thinking. I see Mr. J in drag. I expect to see her weenis popping out if she turned to face us head on...but maybe I'm just not able to look beneath her tranny-dom and see supermodel.
And you're all looking to see if you can see her weenis aren't you??


5. Amanda
Robyn got to pick the good twin. When you see the evil twin, you’ll know what I mean. She’s thin, she’s 18, she has long hair, and isn’t afraid to use when she poses – she can multi-task y'all. Most of the other girls, are doing the boring hand over head or hand on hip dealy…
She may be doing hand on hip, BUT she's contorting her back - MULTI-TASKING!


6. Monique
Token black girl in Robyn’s list. Pfft what a racist! I think she has too much head tilt, careful Monique, or Ty-Ty's gonna pull a Nic on you. And she juts out her boobs, but she has a nice body, again, that long and lean thing. She probably has some Phantom of the Opera scarring on her face...*eyes Monique suspiciously*

My Choices:

1. Anchal or as Tyra is gonna say her name An*slightest of slightest pauses*Chal
Alrite! I admit I went with the first time minority that they used! I went with what most people would call “Exotic Beauty” and was enticed by her long hair. BUT, I saw the little blurb she had in the intro video for the season and she said if they’re gonna cut her hair, she doesn’t care – she’s here to win. Soo…she does WANT this, she does have a “healthy” figure in the modeling world (she strides that fine line between voluptuous and plus size), which is the figure most supermodels have, except for that crackhead kate moss. All she needs now is that Anglo-Indian accent and she's good as gold!

2. CariDee aka the winner
So why didn’t I put CairDee as the first choice then, well, I’M NOT A RACIST, YOU RACISTS! But seeing from what I did to her photo you can see what I saw and why I picked her. For me, she has it. I think her pictures show a great variety and she’s pretty to watch, she stops your eye and reminds me of Tricia Helfer. Therefore she is perfection.

3. Megg aka Alana from CNTM
This one I WON from rock paper scissor. She’s thin. That’s all she’s pretty much going for her. She's not too too fetching, but she's not too too plain. AAAALLLLAANNNNNNNNA!

4. Christian
My token black girl. Yes she has the hand on the leg and hand in the air. But there’s something that catches my eye when I look at her. Maybe I think she reminds of someone prettier, but she’s still nice and entertaining to look at. Also, I was forced to pick her after I lost a girl to Robyn.
But if she can work that ugly ass, one green-boobed shirt, then she's alrite in my book!

5. Michelle
The evil twin. Everyone scroll up to Amanda and now look at Michelle. You see it don’t you? There’s something off about her, but it’s too much, again, I was forced to pick her. But, long hair, tall and lean, thin – a complete bore and in other words a perfect model. P.S. She's going to be the "bad" girl...

6. Eugena
Wait a minute?! I have two black girls, I forgot – YOU’RE ALL SO RACIST!!! But she has that smirk, she looks sly, flat stomach, she has spunk, and looks good with short hair. And something about her eyes. AND LOOK, an outey belly button, like me (now, grrrrrrrrr) that's why she's last on the list...





And Carolyn’s Default Choice:

Melrose *shudders*
Does anyone see a mix of those creepy clay dolls from “The Corpse Bride” and Alexis Arquette here? This girl is so vile, she looks like the Wicked Witch of the West with no green make up. Just having her picture in my hard drive makes me feel all dirty.

A Week in the Life of Darek

This was a week long project, I hope you all enjoy!

Jamie has no sense of direction
Arizona Green Tea with Ginseng and Honey is delicious
It wasn’t a Russian Roman Catholic church but a Macedonian one
Everything is closed in Streetsville on Sunday

Waking up early to go to school on your day off sucks balls
Construction workers and site supervisors aren’t so bad
I get to watch over the ROM closely for the next 6 weeks
Robyn did this to me:
and it felt great!
Robyn and I have our contract up, the next posting will explain that
Robyn thinks I have impeccable fashion style
Robyn helped me realize the tattoo I want to get

Monday, on Lakeshore, in Oakville, was freeeeeeeezing














Inukshuks are beautiful














Travis has a toupee














Zoey is adorable














Carolyn is Batman



















8 am classes suck -that's how early I was at the GO statoin :(
8 am classes are quite informative (I actually enjoyed what I learned - babies are bundled up in the winter like astronauts because their volume produces the same amout of heat that they are able to lose due to their smaller surface area; this was taught in building science, so in other words, larger buildings are better at keeping themselves warm in the winter than smaller ones and better at keeping cool than smaller ones :)
Finishing your project proposal and handing it in 4 days early is a great way to start off the new year :)


5 hour breaks suck
Friends that keep you company while you’re in a funk at how lonely you are during your break rock
Text messages make smile
I’m so ridiculously happy Karen is in my Urbanization class














Dave is a geisha















Train was late again today
Travis rocks – look what he did for me – it’s my tattoo
Assignment #1 for Transportation was finished today
Listening to the old tapes I made is very nostalgic (I had Foo Fighters and the instrumental to Titanic’s “My Heart Will Go On” AND that “Don’t call me Babe” song)









Jenn likes school so much – she smiles while she sleeps in class














Pho is so utterly delicious and filling it's atrocious














Sami's back, we call eachother fucking idiots about 20 times a day - God I missed him














Yung is back and look what she wrote about me :)
Brendan has great taste in music – Apple Candy by Ben Lee is on repeat right now
I was wrong! There was no movie mistake in “Everyone’s Hero” – the City of Toronto was created in 1834
Marie is a TERRIFIC waitress
...
..
.

I’m still a little scared of Bob from Twin Peaks – being all alone at home…

Hehe, Dingle.

Thanks Miss Piggy :)

So today was the first day of school. I woke up early and didnt have to, I tried to go back to bed and couldn't and had to walk to Union Station twice today. I had boring class right away, took me a whole 10 minutes before I checked my cell phone for the time.

I got small pick me ups during the day; Jenn accompanied me to Union for the first trip. Then we ate delicious sushi and I learned what Futo Maki was and fell in love with it. Sweet and savoury.

The next pick me up came from Travis, when he sent me "When life gives your lemons, you clone those lemons and make super lemons" seems kinda fitting to help me outta my funk. Then I learned about cement...for two hours.

Soon it became apparent to me that I had another year of school left and that I would soon have to look for a job and plan a nifty vacation when I graduate. Stuff I didn't want to think about at all. Jenn is planning on studying somewhere in Europe for two years after she graduates. Sami wants to find a better job then his last co-op placement when he graduates.

I want to learn about everything - yes I know I sound like a Dawson's Creek character. But I just want to soak up knowledge like sponge does water and then have it flow out of me, landing everywhere and hopefully educating some.

After getting home, Ashorina didn't want to hang at square one (we're drifting apart and I don't like that), a joke said to Travis backfired terribly and I realized I would have to go to bed at 10:30ish tonight so as not to be exhausted for class at 8am tomorrow.

I then took out Miss Piggy; I let her crawl around my stomach (I was wearing a shirt, you perverts) and then noticed something. She stopped moving when Evermore's 'It's Too Late' starting playing and got a lot clamer when Pilate's 'Into Your Hideout' started to play. But Miss Piggy's hearing is not the best, so how could she hear it?

Here's the nifty bit. I was playing the music from my computer, the speakers emit the sound, the wood the desk is made of wood and carried the vibrations and the vibrations travelled up my leg which was resting against my desk and I'm assuming Miss Piggy was able to literally "feel" the music. She stopped moving, her heart wasn't racing, I could pet her anywhere without her fraking out (get your mind outta the gutters pervs) and for a while I forgot about my problems.

So because of my sweet adorable hamster, I learned that I'm a smart kid and I shouldn't be so scared over something so natural as growing up. Thanks Miss Piggy, you have great taste in music :)

Darek: Then and Now

Darek 7 years ago:
Grade 11 - 16 years old
2 kidneys
Short-ish hair - gelled way too much
Bad skin - wore a lot of clothing to cover it up
Very Catholic - suffering is good*said between clenched teeth* up early for church and daily prayer make you a discplined and healthy person *said between clenched teeth*
Pro-Life - "The mother has made her choice, she has to live with it now" - my philosophy back then
Anti-Death Penaulty - "The person on death row wasn't judged by God as he should be, but by man, who is flawed" - something I said during law class
Anti-Euthanasia - "No person on the planet as the right, a right solely belonging to God, to end a life"- again, something said during grade 11 law
Part of the Student Chaplency - started a prayer group still going on during school right now
Prayer - I use to pray a part of the rosary every day, during my lunch break
Terribly Closeted - "There's nothing wrong with gay people - but Love the Sinner, Hate the Sin"
Salesian - finally popular-esque
Future Goal - Becoming a priest, specifically a Jesuit, so I could travel the world, educating people; the Jesuits were the smartest of the priests.

Darek - Today

1 kidney

Short hair - and that's how it's staying for now

Good skin - it feels good to wear a short sleeve shirt without being shy

Very Untitled - there's God and he's grand, but I ain't getting up early for you anymore

Pro-Choice - If someone is going to have the audacity to tell me how to live my life, I can't be the same kind of prick to someone else - my philosophy now

Anti-Death Penaulty - I can't believe I'm going to say this, but this is something I picked up from my dad - If someone does a barbaric crime, like molest a child, kill a human being, or rape a woman then death is the easy way out for them. Hard labour, 2 meals a day, up at 6 every day for the rest of their lives is what will make them truly regret what they've done - Amen Tata.

Euthanasia - My cousin's friend just died of liver cancer, she suffered immeasureably the last few months of her life. Her daughter couldn't touch her and her family began to shun her. Can anyone out there tell a dying woman she has no right to end her own suffering?

Part of the Queer Engineering Group - I haven't done much, but would like to do more. This year is going to be different. Either with the group or finally writing for the engineering paper.

Prayer - I haven't prayed in years; I miss the basic rituals in life that seperated me from the animals.

Out and Proud - Being gay is the greatest thing about me. Without it, I'd be voting conservative, sleeping with an Agnieska or Magda or Ania before church and going to Fregata on friday nights after my shift at the Gap. An open mind is better than the security of a closed one.

Myself - surrounded by terrific friends. nerdy as fuck though :D

Future Goal - no clue. Nothing engineering-like.

ROBYN IS THE BEST!!!!!!!!!!

(Post-surgery Post will be up soon-ish)
So my friend ROBYN IS THE BESTEST FRIEND IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD! She is the winner of the Friendy’s this time and you’ll see why she’s so much better than ANY of the bitches reading this post right now. Honestly you’ll feel bad about yourselves and the way you’ve been my friend after reading and seeing all the wonderful things she’s done. She just stopped by, from Niagara Falls, to say hello and see how I was feeling and is now on her way back to Niagara Falls – she just stopped by for a half hour. That’s right BITCHES feel bad, feel really really bad about yourselves right now!

So this time, instead of a long list of reasons why I love this girl to pieces, I'm gonna show you what makes her so unique. Robyn has this terrific habit of making little cards for her friends when they've gone through a dramatic time (for engineers that means exams that went shittily) or when she thinks they're blue.




Here is every card she's ever made for me:

On the inside of the card it says:
You'll be able to walk normal again
You'll be able to stop men from wearing pink
You'll be able to have any man you want (if you don't already...I wouldn't be surprised)
You'll be able to stand up to those "evil, tempting, beautiful" women that you have a hard time saying "NO" to, even though you don't really want to
You'll rule the world
You'll win the lottery and take me on a trip
You'll break that bad habit of snorting coke off a hooker's stomach
You'll be the most beautiful person ever....wait...you already are! :) awww muffin
You'll stop having kidney problems
You'll marry Donald Trump....ewwwwwwww
You'll finish reading this card and you'll LOVE it
I hope you feel better because you deserve better! :) *HEART* Roybn
-she wrote this for me after a good old fashioned bitch fest about a boy, stupid andrew *mumbling profanities*

Here’s the second card she’s made me:
On the inside of the card it says:

“Puppys, rainbows, nice weather, being out with your favourite person, Robyn, eating favourite food, hot guy, puppies, horses, vanilla smelling things, Robyn, Birkemoe, Bamboo, the movie Ever After, boyfriend, best friends…”

How did you get so tought?!? You win the award for toughest cookie ever! And the most gorgeous…tee hee.

I hope you feel better and your little guy doesn’t hurt too much. You’re a trooper!

(I wish I could take your potential pain)

With Love, Robyn


And on the back of the second card, because she knows how much I love crosswords:
-this was after my gut wrenching procedure with a stent and no anathesia, read ' So Long Stenty, We Hardly Knew Thee!' for all the drama.

Here’s the third card:
Here’s what’s written (and drawn) on the inside:

Hey Darek,

I couldn’t think of anything to put on the cover, but then I caught you stroking the pole in front of you. I know it is a pleasing site, that wonderfully cast concrete column (even with the bug holes) but at least keep it private. I mean c’mon, you were practically drooling, with your mouth open like Jayla during one shoot.

So what do you think about the show now? Who’s going to win? This is of course, after I severely HURT Nicole…haha. I can see her getting better, but she’s not my style. EWWWWW

Lots of heart shape
Robyn

-after some boredom in the beautiful Bahen Centre, getting a much needed tutorial before a final - MAYBE THIS IS WHY I FAIL?!

Here’s the fourth:
Hey Darek!

Well at lease your kidney will be going to things more usefullike:

Kidney Pie
Dog Food
Haggus
Hot Dogs
Kidney-shaped pool design
ALL Chinese food
Handbags for celebrities
Etc etc etc

So, do not be sad. Your kidney had a greater purpose than you could have ever known. Now, you can be happy! You are such a good provider. J

Robyn
-after learning that I would have to get my Kidney removed, she's so beautiful it's ridiculous!

The fifth card but hopefully not last :(

Starts off with “YAM….mmmmmm” (Yeah that confused me too)

Did you know that Peter Lassonde was a C- average student at U of T and now he is one of the most successful businessmen in Canada? He was the largest supply of diamonds, gold, nickel, copper, etc. He rules the world! And so can you. J I would worship you if you became King…for sure.
Hey Darek, my beauty.

I hope you have a wonderful day today. I know yesterday was a little tough, but I want you to know what things will be ok. Life has a funny way of working out. Besides, I think you are very smart and you should never think otherwise. Obviously my opinion means everything, so believe me! (I should be in the Bible…I’m that good) You’ll do great on Municipal; time to turn over a new leaf. Don’t let anything in the past bug you!

-Robyn


With a penguin on the back, because we all know Penguins are the ancient Chinese symbol of Nice-ness :)

We call what this girl as done, OVERTIME ladies and gents - she truly is the Queen of queens :)

-this was after I completely bombed my Municpal Engineering Midterm - 15.5/30!! But she was right, I ended up with a 70 in that class :)

So to you and you fabulous rump Robyn, I salute you!

I mean look at that thing, you can bounce quarters off of it and shit!

Bye Bye Motherfucking Kidney!

So tomorrow is the big motherfucking day! I'm finally getting rid of the kidney that doesn't let me sleep on my sides and causes me so much fucking discomfort if I sit/stand/walk for too long. But this post is about tomorrow - it's about how great today was!

So it started in the morning - I didn't wake up exhausted - I didn't wake up peppy and full of energy like the freaks of nature known as Christine and Jamie - but I wasn't exhausted and therefore not a grumpy bitch. I could even hold a conversation with my Dad!

At work, I didn't do too much box-cutting, mostly putting together orders, assembling stuff, and then I was surprised with the greatest surprise (at that point of the day) ever! My co-workers bought me pizza!!! FOUR OF THEM! It was so delicious - new favourite pizza is chicken and bruscetta - mmmmmmmm, I'm looking at you Jen; I know that sounds most appealing to you :)

So after the little pizza party, I learned that my boss Hanna is a lot cooler than I thought before - she speaks fluent German, her daughter is living in Switzerland, married to a Swiss guy and Hanna has an apartment back in Switzerland, which she plans on moving back to, when she retires.

I then got a little sad, everyone at work was sad to see me leave. Three people told me they would pray for me and Rena (the Alpha Female) along with Illiyn (the woman I thought was really mean at first but turned out to be so-so nice (notice the hyphen)) and then a surprise hug from Janita and Hanna. Sooooooo much hugging! ALL FOR ME!

So I get home, shower and change and then me and Bren go see Snakes on a Plane; it is, by far, the best movie of the summer. Motherfucking terrific!!!!!

But before Snakes on a Plane, I was pleasantly surprised by my best friend's gift to me -

This is one of those gifts that just goes to show you how great a friend can be at what should be his best friend's scariest moment in life - I burst out laughing when I saw the diagram and read what he wrote on the shirt. It completely made my day, I could have had my surgery then and there and would have it with a smile on my face. Thanks Brendan - one of the greatest gifts I've ever received.

What's written on the shirt you may ask?
...
..
.

Do you all see what I mean now? Who rocks the motherfucking hizzie? B-man does, that's who motherfucken does!

So after Snakes on a Plane, which again, greatest movie of the summer, Bren treated me to Denny's, we finally finished our talk that was interrupted at Crystal's farewell party and laughed it up, wondering why Avril doesn't do TYS (Things You Said) anymore and how it's left our lives a little empty. Austrailia is now something I would like to do next year and Denny's gives you CRAZY itis.

After Denny's it was time for Second Cup, where we ended the night talking about Transformers the Movie and how much we absolutely LOVED Beasties and Beast Machines; I learned he loved Dinobot and he learned I love Black Arachnia.

Thank you to all who have given me best wishes and prayers during this time, my surgery is at 11:45am tomorrow at St. Michael's Hospital.

To conclude I leave you with some of the greatest quotes said by Samuel L. Jackson - the NEW Chuck Norris. That's right, Chuck Norris is out and Samuel L. Jackson is in:

"I'm tired of these motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking plane!" - Snakes on a Plane

"That's a Duck, not a Dick" - The Long Kiss Goodnight

"English Motherfucker?! Do you speak it?!?" - Pulp Fiction

"Geena Davis: Were you always this stupid, or did you take lessons?

Samuel L. Jackson: I took lessons!" - The Long Kiss Goodnight (that one was for you travis)

And the best quote said by Samuel L. Jackson:

"If you're gonna mouth off sir, I remind that if you go to jail and you will go to jail, you will be assfucked for the next three years and if by some miracle you are not charged and don't go to jail, I will personally hire someone to assfuck you for the next three years, so if you're an assfuckin' fan, I suggest you go and mouthoff to me" - The Long Kiss Goodnight

To all my dear friends who have prayed for me, kept me in your thoughts and worried for me, I love you all from the bottom of my heart; thank you for being there, I'll see you guys in a few days, hopefully sooner :)

Rafting!

So this is KEEEERRRRAZY late but I'm still amazed by how many great photos I took on this little excursion to Calumet Quebec for a 3 day rafting trip.

Enjoy!


I don't know what Jen was eating, but it was either really really really good OR really really bad...

And it caught the attention of Jonas and Claudia apparently...


Oh Mima was caught masturbating...

Here's the lovely Janey looking as lovely as ever, thanks for helping put all this together - it was an amazing experience!





Look Claudia, you're not the only one with talent with the camera! JEALOUS?!

Hey look, that celebrity is masturbating! Too bad we can't tell who that sexy fine bitch is due to his incognito glasses!!!

Sigh...why can't you people just leave Jamie alone, while he's posing for you? All he wants is to live his life in peace, while posing for you and he can't do that, if you're gonna take pictures of him every 5 minutes, while he's posing for you!


Not only was Bella masturbating, but she didn't get caught until she reached the Big-O; truly organic experience my fine ass Bella!



Photoshoot time! The challenge is to be a mirror image of the other person - I was clearly distracted by Mima's breasts, just like every breathing thing on the planet; hell I'm sure flowers fucking turn to her when she walks by!


Tyra: "I like how you guys are showing your versatility but are still yourselves. But Mima I think you depend too much on your breasts and not enough on your ragadociousity. Darek, I'm going to be blunt, I don't know how you made this far - you're immature at the photoshoots, you don't take Ms. J seriously as a professoinial, when Jay Manuel told you to be more "Oomph-y" you just stared at him dumbfounded, you didn't even understand what he meant and you're male, a clear violation in this contest - but Darek, there's something about you I can't seem to let go - Thanks Mima."

Brendan! You heard what Paddy the Bus Driver said: "Donnabuyadrinkwithanymilkoracreaminit *grunt* *mumblemumble* *whuzzle whazzle* orelseIneedstagetsanewseatferdabusdere - dunnamakemetappathesign"

I don't think he can be anymore clear in his explicit instructions!



To alcohol! The cause of and solution to all of life's problems! Here here B-man, this trip wouldn't have been the same without ya!


*Note to self* When doing my Janet Jackson "Every Time" Video Impersonation with Anthonia - make sure to use flash!

And that's how the powerful but short relationship between Bella and Jamie started; a lap dance, some alcohol, the woods - did it move a little Jamie?

Sam's the meat in this filipino sandwich; yeah yeah Jo, I know you're Malaysian but if it looks like a duck, sounds like a duck...





Jay showing the world he has a pierced tongue - fucking slut! And I think Jamie is trying to figure out why in fact it did move...

Bella doing her best "Canada's Next Top Model" Sisi impersonation - don't believe me?




Need I say more?
















Jamie ain't the only fag that got some girl action this year; I think this is how they kiss in Goa.


Here's Bren and Jen showing us what their relationship will be like 50 years from now. Jen, the dutiful filipina wife, ignoring her white husband has he tries to shine a little bit of affection on her.

Go Tent Awesome!!!! Jamie trying to smother me in my sleep, rubbing my feet in Sam's face and Jo the innocent by-stander caught up in all that maddness! Can't wait to bunk with you guys again!!

Awwwwwwwww - you and your stupid diet; I've realized we've never gotten drunk together! Almost 20 goddamn years of friendship and we haven't drunk ourselves stupid together!

And lastly Mort - don't worry buddy, that case of psoriosis will clear up eventually and you'll make it big one day and get out of Snelgrove!