The Worst of Me

So I haven't had a post about my favourite topic in a while, that topic being me.

And instead of talking about the greatness that is my wonderful exsistence - I shall talk about the five little ticks and habits that are not my best. Enjoy!

5. Biting Nails

I slobber over my nails while I'm nervous, bored, excited, drunk, reading, you name it! I can't help it, I've been doing it since I could chew. Yes yes, I know, the germs, the vile vile germs on my hands but, and here's where my twisted sense of logic (that Ana loves and hates secretly) comes in handy, if I've been doing this since I was a babe and haven't gotten violently ill from it, it can't be that bad, no?

4. Eating Fruit

I just can't do it gracefully!! Oranges. Are. The. Devil. First they're encased in an inpenterable case of death that squirts a sweet smelling juice on you if you penetrate it, but don't be fooled! Get that juice in your eyes - and it's all over folks! And God forbid the orange has seeds! Having to eat and spit out the seeds, it can never been done nicely. I always look like like I'm trying cunninglingus on each slice only realizing I can't and give up.

3. First Impressions

Another thing I completely BLOW at. With the exception of a few (Jen C and Ana) I always seem like I have a terrible disposition when meeting people for the first time. Even if it's something like a greeter at Wal-Mart. They're all cherry and smiley, say hello to me and I rush by as if they're lepers, mutter a "Hi" and continue shopping. Or I do that embarassing:

"Hi Welcome to 'Insert store name'"

"Not bad, thanks, and you?"

"Oh I was just saying 'Hello'"

"Oh...Hi"

GRRRRRRRR I just hate mindless, idle chatter.

2. Vocabulary

I'm realizing more and more that my vocabulary is AWFUL. And I don't understand why?! Too much MSN? Too much time making up words/sayings like "Hilariousity" and "Computration Device". I'm always stumbling over my words, stuttering them, or hoping that the last thing I said wasn't heard for fear of ridicule. I think I just wanna be heard and try too hard to get every point I want to make in a conversation out that I don't think before I speak. That or MSN.

1. Can't Whisper for the LIFE OF ME!

No matter how many times I try to whisper, or talk without moving my lips I always end up talking at a regular voice that the person I'm probably talking about can hear me at or LOUDER than I originally would. And God help you if you're wearing an ugly outfit and at the same party I'm attending and I'm drunk and right beside me, cuz the next words outta my mouth are going to be "Hey Jamie - Look at Ugmolina over here, bitch things she has style - tranny hookers wouldn't even wear that shit" yelling as if I were across the room, when he'd be right beside me.