Friendy's - THE B-MAN WAY

I don't know why this one took so long to come to mind but then Bren was gone for a week - and I was at a loss. Hanging out with Jen was fun...but something was missing, there was no sass mouth, no shaking of the head at my terrible jokes - there just wasn't any sunshine.

But then Bren came back and called ME! ME! What was I doing he asked, well I'm going to see Nacho Libre and so are you and I'm buying you and Jen's tickets just to make sure you guys can get there and into the theatre.

So, here you go Big Guy, heart heart heart and BFFF, the top 5 reasons Brendan is not only the man, but the B-MAN!

5. He makes comics about me:

I may have asked for it but he delivered! View full to read it and laugh your ass off. DINGER!!! Marvelous!

I was feeling all blue after learning I had to get my kidney removed and look what this big lug of a guy does, well shucks! Does it matter that I asked for it? NOPE - Anything that feeds Darek's ego is a good thing. And Brendan knows this.


4. He lives close by. Like 5 minutes away. And I don't mean 5 minutes in Central Asian Time which means a half hour; down the road and make a right! So many friendships are destroyed because of distance so the opposite must be that so little friendships are NOT destroyed because of distance; this rings true for Bren and I. You need a ride buddy? NO PROBLEMO KIMO SABE!

3. Rexie. Brendan has the coolest.dog.ever.

And side note to everyone reading. Look at Rexie here and now scroll up to the first picture of Bren - now scroll back down and once more back to Bren.

Resemblence? Maybe they are one in the same : Which only makes sense, Bren cannot be cooler than Rexie and at the same time Rexie cannot be cooler than Bren. *Whispers Alleulia*

2. He knew the only reason I liked FeFe Dobson was because she was black. The conversation was like this:

Me: "Oh, I'm starting to like her" *Bye Bye Boyfriend playing in the car*

Bren: "She's just pop with a electric guitar rep (or rev or rip I don't know guitar lingo) playing in the background"

Me: "Still, I can dance to her and she writes her own lyrics"

*Split second of awkward silence*

Me: "PLUS she's black and sings rock"

Bren: "I KNEW IT! OH GOD, I WAS JUST WAITING FOR YOU TO SAY THAT, I KNEW THAT'S THE ONLY REASON YOU LIKE HER!"

Me: "You satisfied?"

Bren: "Yes"

1. Who else would use their sense of smell, for 20 minutes, under a christmas tree, along with Yungsiow and I, to locate the mysterious "pot" smell and then...fart.

For all these reasons and many more, Brendan is this week's winner of the Friendy's!

Heart heart heart and BFFF big guy

The Worst of Me

So I haven't had a post about my favourite topic in a while, that topic being me.

And instead of talking about the greatness that is my wonderful exsistence - I shall talk about the five little ticks and habits that are not my best. Enjoy!

5. Biting Nails

I slobber over my nails while I'm nervous, bored, excited, drunk, reading, you name it! I can't help it, I've been doing it since I could chew. Yes yes, I know, the germs, the vile vile germs on my hands but, and here's where my twisted sense of logic (that Ana loves and hates secretly) comes in handy, if I've been doing this since I was a babe and haven't gotten violently ill from it, it can't be that bad, no?

4. Eating Fruit

I just can't do it gracefully!! Oranges. Are. The. Devil. First they're encased in an inpenterable case of death that squirts a sweet smelling juice on you if you penetrate it, but don't be fooled! Get that juice in your eyes - and it's all over folks! And God forbid the orange has seeds! Having to eat and spit out the seeds, it can never been done nicely. I always look like like I'm trying cunninglingus on each slice only realizing I can't and give up.

3. First Impressions

Another thing I completely BLOW at. With the exception of a few (Jen C and Ana) I always seem like I have a terrible disposition when meeting people for the first time. Even if it's something like a greeter at Wal-Mart. They're all cherry and smiley, say hello to me and I rush by as if they're lepers, mutter a "Hi" and continue shopping. Or I do that embarassing:

"Hi Welcome to 'Insert store name'"

"Not bad, thanks, and you?"

"Oh I was just saying 'Hello'"

"Oh...Hi"

GRRRRRRRR I just hate mindless, idle chatter.

2. Vocabulary

I'm realizing more and more that my vocabulary is AWFUL. And I don't understand why?! Too much MSN? Too much time making up words/sayings like "Hilariousity" and "Computration Device". I'm always stumbling over my words, stuttering them, or hoping that the last thing I said wasn't heard for fear of ridicule. I think I just wanna be heard and try too hard to get every point I want to make in a conversation out that I don't think before I speak. That or MSN.

1. Can't Whisper for the LIFE OF ME!

No matter how many times I try to whisper, or talk without moving my lips I always end up talking at a regular voice that the person I'm probably talking about can hear me at or LOUDER than I originally would. And God help you if you're wearing an ugly outfit and at the same party I'm attending and I'm drunk and right beside me, cuz the next words outta my mouth are going to be "Hey Jamie - Look at Ugmolina over here, bitch things she has style - tranny hookers wouldn't even wear that shit" yelling as if I were across the room, when he'd be right beside me.

Aging: The Unstoppable Killer

So it's official, I'm getting old. I went to play tennis this weekend with my friend's Brennifer. Afterwards, we watched our friends play two games of baseball (they call themselves the SUPERFRIENDS) and to kill some time, me and Jen, and along with Bren began doing some long jumping.

I went home, feeling fine, not a care in the world, thinking "This is going to be the summer of fitness, of creating and keeping a healthy lifestyle - 'I'm gonna take up running' I exclaimed to my mother still high on Adrenaline.

Then the morning of Monday came...

I. couldn't. move.

But being the son of Polish immigrants, I could not deny my heritage and forced myself up and got to work. Bending, which is a MUST in the profession of box cutting/lifting, was not happening. Walking was a nightmare.

I had to give up. I clocked out at 10:35am, swallowing my pride and went to the doctors. Learned I had a tilted disc in my spine! WHAT IN HOLY HELL IS GOING ON HERE?!

First kidney problems, and now this?! Next I'll have to start wearing adult diapers and talking about yesteryear while smoking a pipe and sitting on my porch, leaning on my cane.

Luckily I got to skip two days of work (been working there a month and have YET to do a full week's work!) where I just took the happy drugs my doctor prescribed - Tylenol 3 and APO CYCLOBENZAPRINE. Taken alone, these little pills do nothing to me, but together their drug forces unite putting me in a mini-coma for hours on end. I'm currently fighting off the urge to sleep to write this up, so I better be making you bitches laugh...

Luckily, the tilted disc is nothing serious and should untilt itself soon. But yes, must start running, or power walking or SOMETHING to keep me active and preventing this "Aging" thing from taking place.

I need someone to push me to be active, call me up and ask if I would like to go for a run, or a swift power-walk or hell, just keep me from writing this blog...

Oh man, Gnarls Barkley when you're legally high, is kick ass!