Oh Waiter...

I am a tipper. That doesn't mean I am a great tipper. I tip accordingly and with what I feel is respectful for the service I've received. This usually means I tip anywhere from 10-20%, sometimes because the service is deplorable and sometimes because I don't have a lot of cash on me.

What I don't understand is when people treat waiters with disrespect. I really don't think people understand that for the entire time of their meal (at a restaurant or fast food joint) a patron will only see their meal for 50% of the time. So if you're at a restaurant for 1.5 hours - you're only enjoying and seeing your food for less than 45 minutes (unless your Jen C, in which case you're eating for a few hours).

So it just boggles my mind when someone gives a waiter attitude - it's not their fault that something is not on the menu (go some place that is) or if a change in a side order comes with a $1.99 charge (that's the chain's/restaurant's policy) or if a substitute cannot be made (some restaurants don't carry certain types of wine) - so it makes no sense when someone cusses off a waiter, writes a snide remark on a credit card receipt or a flat out "no!" when their meal is about to be placed onto a table and is shoved away by said patron (yes I have heard of this occurring people). The things that can be done to your food when you're not looking at it and you would not have any idea of it being done are numerous.

So to ensure that YOU don't act like an asshole (unintentionally) and that your food arrives as quickly and delicious as possible here some nifty tips and rules of thumb to go by:

Tipping:

1. Your meal arrives but it's all wrong, here you can ask to have it sent back (politely) and are not obligated to tip terrifically (here you can get away from the 10-15% range).

2. Your meal arrives and the side order is wrong (me personally, I bite the bullet and eat, because well, I'm hungry) but if you were really, really craving that salad/soup/fries then enjoy your entree and send back the side. Again, if the service is perfection except for this little snafu, I think a tip of about 15% is still required.

3. You are seated and within 5 minutes a server has introduced his/herself and gotten the drink order down. Comes back with the drinks, asks if the partrons are ready to order (takes down order if they are) or comes back in 10 minutes and then takes down order, in 20 minutes the meals have arrived, drinks are refreshened and server makes sure the meals are correct. Server comes back in 10 more minutes, refreshes drinks, asks if everything is alrite and is not seen again until the plates are cleared and the bill is brought. +15% is required and expected.

Attitude:

1. Server does the squat. This isn't gameplay, you're not my best friend and you're pretending to be friendly. So just expect some people to be a little put off by that. However, if case THREE occurs (from Tipping) again, tip accordingly.

2. Server asks inappropiate questions - "Do I look fat in this uniform?" "My boyfriend just broke up with me" - are things patrons don't need to know about nor are they expected to answer. Questions like this may result in lower tips...

3. Server comes, takes drink order, comes back, gives the patrons a few more minutes, 20 minutes pass by, then comes back, takes order, order comes back wrong, makes no apologies, doesn't freshen drinks (big pet peeve is having to ask another waiter to get refills) and only returns when the bill is dropped down - server gets and is expected to receive a tip of less than 10%.

Meals:

1. Meal arrives and it's perfect - tip at least 15%

2. Meal arrives with one little minor mistake - tip in the 15% range (-+2%)

3. Meal arrives completely NOT what you ordered (you wanted vegetarian pasta and you get pork wrapped in beef) and the service was slow and rude. Expect a tip of next to nothing - personally I would round up to the nearest dollar. If the behaviour was something that was exceptionally rude - I would even talk to the manager.

Well I think that covers it, so I hope I have enriched your lives and given some reliable tips to a better meal.

Pork wrapped in beef!