Birds of A Feather

So last night I was hanging out with my dearest of dearest friends and we were talking about Jackie Chan's new movie. Blah blah blah next door neighbour is a ninja blah blah blah he's now gonna babysit his neighbour's young kids blah blah blah with the kids help he defeats the bad guys that can't swear because this movie is PG. Loads of crap, I'm sure. It was the conversation that followed that made me realize my brain is wired differently from my friends. NOT better. NOT worse. Simply differently.

Anyways, I made the point, while inebriated, that I don't think I would ever allow a middle-aged single male (regardless of race) to babysit my young kids. The scenario I put out there was imagine placing an ad around your neighbourhood looking for a babysitter, after interviewing a bunch of teenagers looking to make a couple bucks, you hear the doorbell ring and when you answer you see a single male, 30ish, inquiring about the ad. I know it sounds terrible but RED FLAGS WITH BUILT-IN ALARMS just go off for me about that situation. Yes, yes, sexism, blah blah blah discrimination blah blah blah but whatever! My hypothetical kids, my hypothetical decisions. Most of my friends kind of agreed that yes perhaps a red flag or two would be raised should that happen but where we differed in opinion was would we still interview the guy or not. I said no, no matter what. Most of my friends said yes if he had some shining references. Fair enough. I fully understand my flaw in thinking and the fact that should hypothetical man have excellent references he should have a fair chance, just like everyone else, and at least get an interview. But still...just seems too strange to me. I think because everyone was a little inebriated, my friends didn't hear me when I said I didn't care what the race of the hypothetical guy was (meaning one race wouldn't gain my favour over another) but that he was 30ish, single, and male that weirded me out.

After I gave my spiel, a darling friend of mine asked "Would you let a black woman babysit your kids?" and I hesitated. Now, let's all pick up our jaws from the floor and allow me to explain WHAT WAS GOING THROUGH MY MIND WHEN THE QUESTION WAS ASKED. Understand my friends, all of my friends, come from diverse backgrounds, different religions, different cultural upbringings and no, I am not saying the equivalent of "Hey man, it's cool, I have black friends".

My friend asked me, "Would you let a black woman babysit your kids?"
How I heard the question was, "Would you let a black woman babysit your kids?".

Keeping in mind not 10 seconds prior we were just dicussing about how I was judging an applicant by his sex, I thought my friend was asking me to think of my scenario with everything the same except instead of me opening my door to a 30ish, single male applying for a babysitting job I would find a 30ish, single female standing there asking if she could be interviewed for the babysitting position. The fact that my friend made hypothetical person black wasn't what I was thinking about but rather that hypothetical person was female. And after thinking about THAT I said "Yes, I would."

But my response was too late or didn't come quick enough and now I'm considered an inherent racist when in fact I'm an admitted sexist. If my decision for the babysitter came down to two people, but equally qualified, both 30ish and single, one being male (of any race) and one being female (of any race) I would choose the female. Blah blah blah Darek you're sexist blah blah blah I can't believe you're discriminating blah blah blah. Yeah I know I'm horrible for thinking that but 1) I'm being sexist against my own sex, so, who cares? 2) YOUR FACE!

In conclusion your honour, the defense rests!

Thinning Out the Herd

"Challenge yourself to be a little bit smarter today"

I'm still astounded that I heard this pearl of wisdom from Dean Blundell, Host of The Edge's Morning Show. I only caught a snippit of what he was saying but essentially it was a "cut it out!" speech about stupid people using slurs against someone based on their race, sexual orientation, or religion. Great stuff.

I've been wondering what my first post of 2010 was going to be and hearing this new mantra kind of sealed the deal for me. During my Christmas break from work, I fell in love (even more so) with www.notalwaysright.com. The website just lists conversations that people in the service industry (kiosk handlers, customer service agents, tech support, waiters, hotel workers, retail, etc) have had with customers who are not always right - you see, apparently, the customer is always right. Needless to say hilarity ensues but accompanied by my increasing sense of dred and rage at some pretty stupid people.

Now I'm not saying that all service people know what they are doing, I use to be one, and yes I've made some mistakes while servicing customers (ha!) but in the long run you get into a habit and can usually determine the solution to a customer's problem within a few minutes. And while I think some of these stories on www.notalwaysright.com are made up, some are real because I've dealt with the exact same scenarios. It actually scares me that most of these people are breeding, passing on inadequate genes, and essentially peeing into the genetic pool of humanity.

Most of these customers fall into 3 categories:

1) The Idiot - this customer simply does not listen to the words coming out of the service agent's mouth.

2) The Centre of the Universe - this is a subset of idiot because this customer usually comes up with excuses as to why they acted stupidly which in turn allows them to think they have not acted stupidly.

3) The Gullible - after the service agent has tried explaining (many times) return policies, or menu items, or billing procedures the agent gives up and just allows the customer to believe their own idiotic reasoning to end the call/get on with their job.

To be fair, I should admit there is a 4th kind of customer and that's the one able to admit they were wrong or have a laugh at themselves for what they were thinking or believing the service agent with the information they've provided.

ANNNNNNNYYYYWAAAAAAYS, the reason I'm going on and on about stupid people is with the 21st century the idea that the world will end, and end soon, is such an identifier of my generation you can't help but to think who would survive just in case the worst of the worst happened. Be it an environmental cataclysmic event, or the zombie apocolypse, or just the regular one with Jebus and monsters - is it wrong of me to kind of be relieved that once the event is over, those remaining were smart enough to survive? That essentially we've cut back on those peeing in the pool? Well we have to make sure the zombies don't win people! Challenge yourself today to be a little bit smarter today!!

Happy New Year! And New Decade!

Merry Everyone!

So yesterday I met up with the Book Club and we discussed Lawrence Hill's The Book of Negroes. It is a terrific book, full of sadness, loss, history, descriptive prose (but not too descriptive) and smidgens of happiness relating to one Aminata Diallo, an African child stolen from her Village in Bayo (I believe present day Nigeria) during the 18th century and sold as a slave to America. The book, I thought, was eloquently summed up by a woman (eek, I can't remember her name, I'm terrible!) who said she fully grasped one of the many profound meanings of the book from church. 2000 years ago, people were looking for a saviour, and not much as changed from 300 years ago - people will always be looking for that saviour, that soul to guide them either to something better or away from something terrible. Beautiful. All in all, a terrific book!

Jamie, deputy leader extraordinaire of the Book Club, brought up a very interesting point that in the US and UK, The Book of Negroes isn't called The Book of Negroes but rather the bland and boring title Someone Knows My Name. Almost immediately, the entire group was in agreement this was a terrible substitution and Jamie asked 'why do you think Canada had one title while the US and UK, some of the free-est states in the world, had different titles?'

I said because Canada is, well, not ridiculous. And I was right! Lawrence Hill states that his New York editor sent him a nervous email informing him that even though he was promised The Book of Negroes would be a fine title in the US, they have now come to realize how sensitive the word Negroes is and asked him to change it to better appeal to the delicate sensibilities of Americans. The title of the book comes from a well-perseved document with the same title.

But Someone Knows My Name? Really? That sounds like a Nora Roberts romance novel, on par with something like Silken Hearts, The Bosom Fire, and Weeping Uteruses.

It also didn't surprise me that the sole reason for the name change was because the US was so scared of offending someone. And yes, I have to admit, while reading the book at work, during my breaks (of course), any time someone asked me what I was reading, I could see that some people were surprised I could say 'Negroes' so easily. But that's because of a little thing called context. Very few words still have their kick without context. I'm not a racist (you shouldn't be either) but I'm not silly enough to ignore the past. This book is about the past. This is how people spoke in the past. Get over it.

Was it any surprise that a New York Editor informed Mr. Hill his title was too risque and needed to be changed? Nope. New York, despite being the liberal mecca of the world, is still in a country that has groups that boycott stores because they refuse to wish someone a Merry Christmas. Or worse (because stores want to make all potential customers happy and therefore increase profit) by wishing someone a Happy Holidays. I've never understood why it's the norm to assume you're a Christian when 2/3 of the world isn't Christian. Logically it doesn't make sense but I'm getting side-tracked.

Here's some simple tips to avoid any boycotts of your own:

1. Wish Christians a 'Merry Christmas' - if you know someone goes to church (ANY church) say Merry Christmas. That is what they're celebrating after all.
2. Wish Jewish People a 'Happy Hanukkah' - it may not be their holiest of holidays (neither is Christmas for Christians) but I'm sure they'd appreciate the sentiment. Mmmmm Latkes...
3. Ask Muslims if they had fun during Eid al-Fitr or Eid al-Adha - why the change? Because these Muslim celebrations (celebrating the end of Ramadan) have already been celebrated earlier at the beginning of December.
4. Are you not a follower of these Abrahamic religions? Well then ask what someone is celebrating! I'm fairly certain Hindu's have already celebrated Diwali so ask if they had a swell time! Otherwise, be like me, play the ignorant card, and ask someone what they will be doing during this holiday season and learn a little something about your co-worker or friend.

What's going on with Sikh's this time of the year? I have no idea! But I work with a gentlemen that is Sikh, so I know not to wish him that Jesus has a great birthday. It really is that simple. No need for over-reactions, no need for delicate sensibilities, no need for shifty eyes. Ask and ye shall receive or so I'm told.

May you all party-harty and party safely during this much needed break! Merry Everyone!

100th Post: Coming Out

So this is kind of a bit of a milestone for me and it only took like a little over four years to get here - it's my 100th Post! I was wondering what this post would be about ever since I started this blog and lo & behold it's going to be about the gays.

A while back, I posted an entry about this douchebag and how enraged I was over him using the term SAGs which means 'straight-acting-gays'. In his People Magazine interview, Lance Bass talked about how him and his gays friends were not the fairy gays the Christian Right is using as an example of the deviant life of GLBT people but beer-drinking, football-playing-and-watching 'Merikans! Anyways, case in point, LB is a douchebag.

Whose a bigger douchebag than Lance "pillow chewing bottom" Bass? Why none other than Adam Lambert. I never watched American Idol, I never read his Rolling Stone interview, and when Out Magazine put him on their Top 100 Gays of the Year (or something like that) List I just thought "well who else would they put on there?".

Anyways, Queerty has this terrific article about why he's a douche from Out's Editior-in-Chief Aaron Hicklin (plus a pretty yummy pic of the semi-silver-haired fox) . Anyways, the reason Adam Lambert is a douchebag - and bare with me my loyal 5 readers/friends that periodically come in and see if I have posted anything new while you were bored at work - is that he came out publicly. I'd rather prefer he go back into the closet and here's why: IT WAS NO SECRET ADAM LAMBERT WAS GAY. None whatsoever. Furthermore, coming out in the public eye is NOT something to feel proud about WHEN EVERYONE AND THEIR BLIND GRANDMOTHERS KNEW YOU WERE GAY.

I'm not saying it doesn't take guts and I'm not saying it shouldn't be broadcast from the mountain tops what I'm saying is Adam Lambert, like Lance Bass, didn't overcome anything. LGBT people in Iran that have escaped a country that would have them stoned have overcome something. A child that tells his deeply religious southern family they're gay and then puts up with said family's abuse only to escape and make a better life for themselves has overcome something. Brave men and women who were unfairly discharged from the US military for simply being SUSPECTED of being gay only to take the public stand against their government have overcome something. When a fairy with a soft voice and too much make up "shocks" the world with an annoucement that he's gay - and gets paid for it - he has not overcome a single thing.

I feel I should explain why I support another celebrity for coming out and making the 100 List - Wanda Sykes. I will admit I've never watched her show, I've seen a few comedy specials featuring her but I'm as much a fan of Wanda Sykes as I am of Spam; I've only experienced it once or twice and surprisingly it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Anyways, Wanda Sykes also recently came out, publicly, but during a 'NO TO H8' rally in Las Vegas denouncing Proposition 8. When I learned Wanda Sykes was a lesbian I wasn't shocked outta my socks but really just thought "yeah, I can see that but good for her!" She used her example of overcoming prejudice against her (and her now wife) to try and change the prejudice experienced by many others. No drawn out explainations, no press releases, maybe one or two cover stories after the fact but all in all I would say she handled being gay and a some-what public figure pretty gracefully.

So to recap:

This is a douchebag

She is not

Woo Hoo!

via Auto Insurance.org

Carrie Prejean: No One to Blame But Yourself

So OMG! Apparently there are SEVEN (7) more solo sex tapes of Carrie Prejean floating around. The ex-boyfriend she made her first tape for has gone on the record as saying she called him up and told him to lie about her age while making the sex tapes (as viewing them would then be considered child pornography) and even MORE sexily naked pictures of the ultimate Runner-Up have popped up.

This is so fucking delicious I'm salivating - and I never thought that this would be possible over a woman.

Any whoodle, the internets will soon be all a buzz over her reaction to this and the water works will start and she'll cry and blah blah blah. Well she only has herself to blame really.

Let me make something perfectly clear - I could care less that she's even made these tapes! Everyone has done some kind of sexting at one point in their lives, be it cammin' with someone, sending a dirty text or a raunchy photo to entice a potential paramour and that's all well and good. If you keep the fires stoked right, it'll take longer to die down. But I can't get over how FUCKING AMAZING TERRIFIC it feels to hear some Christian right-wing nutter talk about (indirectly) how civil rights should be stripped away from a group of people, how girls should be modest and not get caught up in the overtly sexualized messages the media spouts at them, and that your body is your temple but can be a better temple with breast implants. It really is true, the higher you place yourself on a pedestal, the harder you are gonna fall. Holy Hell - SEVEN TAPES CARRIE!?

I don't care that she's diddling herself before a camera, if she enjoys looking at herself naked and/or enjoys the look on a boyfriend's face as he's looking at her naked and touching herself - great! Getting someone excited by your own body is one of the hottest feelings ever! When you feel sexy and lusted after, you can't help but feel great about yourself! It's natural, it's hot, and well down right kinky.

With her book tour cancelled now, I really hope she just goes away at this point. You tried to ride the coat tails of the Christian-right organizations that have thrown buckets of money your way and you failed. You failed because the very values you tried to make a career out of are the very values you do not possess. And that's fine! They are stupid values to have anyway! You could've built a platform on sex-education, something your wacky country is severely lacking. You could've been mature about why you did the tapes - "NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS" is the appropiate response - but you chose to play the victim, the Mary Magdelene of the 21st century wondering who was going to cast the first stone.

Here's an idea - grow up a little, get a better education, and understand that the blonde, plastic, Christian world you were brought up in is wrong and try to actually make a real difference in the world. THEN you could actually be a real role-model to the young girls you so eagerly want to protect.

Absolutes

So you know how there are so very, very, very few absolutes in the world? Like rape is always wrong, no matter what well here's two more:

This man is a pervert and a criminal. That is all.

Dunk!

I'm a dunker. You give me a glass of milk with cookies, you better believe those cookies are gonna be dunked into said milk. Tea biscuits with tea? Sandwich with soup? Donut with coffee? Toast and eggs? All dunkable treats with optimum dunkability to achieve prime homogeneity. What was once a cookie and a glass of milk, is now both cookie and milk - and yet something so much more! That dry salami sandwich you were just chompin' on? Well get yourself a small $3 bowl of cream of mushroom soup and BOOM! Sandwich and soup combine together to form a unified taste sensation that cannot be beat! Is your tea weak? Dunk a tea biscuit in that motherfucker! Not only with that tea sweeten up ever so slightly, but that hard-as-a-brick biscuit will now have soften to achieve prime chewability and deliciousness. Over easy eggs are just begging to be poked with toast or a crispy strip of bacon to let out that delicious yolk to turn your breakfest into a sloppy, salty brine of yellow delicious. Everything on your breakfast plate begins to taste a little like everything else!

So the next time you see a spunky, adorable 25 year old with piercing blue eyes dunkin' his donuts into his hot chocolate or his sandwich in his soup, don't mock me him but revel in his genius at knowing a good thing when he sees it.

BAM!

I really appreciate a good model. I've done a few posts on ANTM past cycles and my friends usually tell me that I do a good job critiquing photos. I think it comes down to something I've called "BAM Factor" - yes I know that's incredibly cheesey but it's the only way I can describe it. In my most humble opinion, a model has done a great job with a photo/ad/cover when I feel like I've been shot looking at it. It's something I've noticed where my head will literally whip back ever so slightly because I'm amazed at what I'm seeing and I'll continue to stare and try to find that flaw in the photo. If after a minute or two I cannot, then damn, wham, bam (hehe), thank you ma'am!

I'm not saying this BAM factor is hard to come by, many girls on ANTM and CNTM have accomplished this but a truly great model will continually dish out BAM photos throughout her career - the nearly extinct species of model referred to as a 'Supermodel'. I'm sorry to say but they are a dying breed - very few models can pull such a wide range of emotions, marketability, and style.

There are three traits/abilities I think all models, in order to transform into that semi-mythical 'Supermodel', have to master:

1. Close-up face shot. This is usually just dumb luck - yes yes yes yes, models don't have to be pretty - but most are. Most supermodels are STUNNING even without photoshot and airbrushing and hours behind the make-up chair. It's not about your face being beautiful, it's about your face being marketable - I would assume in order to be successful in modeling you'd have to get over that people are not looking at you but the work behind you and thinking that's you.
   
2. Chameleon ability. People will get bored of your pretty face. It, along with you, has to change. But that change can't be permanent, it has to happen and then quickly change into something else. I find that most Supermodels have mastered the art of mimicry.
   
3. Ability to sell the product. All models are selling you something even when they're not. A Supermodel has to be able to sell the product but also herself. After I'm done looking at the face and body, I stare at the picture longer looking (whether it's intentional or not) at the product she's selling - clothes, electronics, make-up, jewelry. All Supermodels have that one ad that shot them to stardom.

Let's take a look at, oh I don't know, the queen of all models, Linda Evangelista:

Her close up is flawless. She has full control over every aspect of her face - her jawline, her mouth, her teeth, her nose (which is a little crooked but that doesn't matter here), her eyes and ending at her eyebrows. Can't tell they're the same person can you? The body language, those fucking legs, the expression on her face - all completely different from the previous photo and yet still just as stunning. Total BAM factor here. It's just an amazing picture.

You may not think this fair because it's goddamn Italian Vogue but you better believe they sold that issue of the magazine. It's just a stunning photo! She's covered up, her face is not entirely visible and yet it's just full of BAM factor. You can't help but look at it and start scanning the photo. You see she's sitting cross-legged, the eyebrow you can see is raised ever so slightly, and the exaggerated posture stops looking so exaggerated and more regal over time.

Up next and no, I didn't pick Chanel Iman because she was recently on ANTM, I picked her because I fell in love with her ever since this iconic issue of Vogue came out:

Just stare at this photo for a minute or two. Those fucking lips - damn! The smallest curl of the right side of her mouth. The shape of her eyes. You can even tell she's crossing her arms in front of her chest and that makes the entire face-shot something different, doesn't it?Yes her face is all scrunched up but it's still different enough that she doesn't look like the woman above and yet is just as pleasant to look at. She really does look like she's singing!

I want that dress. Why? I have no idea. I'm not gonna wear it but the look on her face, the way she's twirling it, the little bit of ankle we're seeing, the graceful way her hand is clutching the dress without looking gnarled - it all comes together really nicely. BAM!

And lastly, lookie here, another Canadian gem, Coco Rocha. Let's take a look at the close-up:

Flawless. What about the Chameleon ability?

Done! She kinda looks like Linda Evangelista here, no?
BAM! Even though you can't see her face, it's the body language and her ability to utilize the garment that's important. Her legs look beautiful, it's very demure, and the clothing looks terrific.

I think I posted this to make a point - the age of supermodels or, and I can't believe I'm going to say this, top models *shudder* are over. VERY few women can pull off everything that is needed in order to be super at modeling (get it?). I'm just appreciating those rare gems when I see them.

Nerd Porn

So you know how Disney owns Marvel now? Well what would happen if Marvel could put a little influence on the sweet, bubbly princesses we've all grown up with over the years?

My comments below but a big BRAVO to Artist Jeffery Thomas for his unique and simply amazing artwork and brillant idea!

What would happen if Ariel had become the sea-witch?
What would happen if the apple was cursed instead of poisoned?What would happen if Pochantas slayed the white man that came to her shores?
What would happen if Nala took revenge on Simba for abandoning all the lionesses to Scar?
What would happen if Mulan didn't return home?

What would happen if Jasmine wanted all the power of a Genie?

What would happen if Jane, not Tarzan, was raised in the jungle?

What would happen if the Stepmother's Fairy Godmother visited her that night?

What if they never fell in love?

What would happen if Aurora never woke up?

What would happen if Alice never left Wonderland?

Reminiscing

This is what happens when I listen to happy and sad songs at the same time...

The Francophone

He was sweet. He was nervous when we met. He spoke French. I thought he was really cute. He listened. He brought me four mini-gifts on our second date. I still have two of them. It took him three dates to finally kiss me. Ashorina didn’t like his eyebrows. My friends didn’t find him interesting. Except Yungsiow. He had a drinking problem. He was always excited when I called. He was ready to say those three little words after a month. We made out until 4 am once, rolling around my basement. He said those three little words, drunk, in my bed. I broke up with him a month later.

The Engineer

He had the same t-shirt as me. We liked to take walks together. I felt so bad for his boyfriend. I wanted to kiss him the first time I saw him. He could finish my sentences. He said he’d protect me from the things in the dark. His lips tasted like cherries the first time I kissed them. He said I was delicious. I was never on his checklist. He left me broken-hearted. I left him completely alone. I was (am?) his sunshine. He looked back at me as I pulled out of the movie theatre parking lot. He was just learning how to drive standard. Me being in his car made it better. I broke into his hideout. But never found him.

The Cop

I told him I would take him on a tour of the city since he was still new to it. We ended up watching a movie instead. His laugh was more abrasive than mine. He made me feel safe. He was more ticklish than me. He would make me dinner. I think about him the most. I wonder if he thinks of me. He liked cuddling me as much as I liked cuddling him. He would shake in his sleep. I wish I had gone up to Windsor when he asked. I like to debate. He didn’t. He let me drive his car. I pissed him off once. He was never concerned about me. We napped together on our second date. He was the first to call me his boyfriend.

Hating the Haters & Loving the Losers

So...I don't get it. Over the weekend I saw 'Jennifer's Body' and thought it was great! And I don't mean "OMG YOU GUYS!? IT'S SOOOOOO BAD, IT'S GOOD!" - I was genuinely impressed with the movie, the actors, the directing, the writing, and cinematography. There are parts of the movie that are simply adorable (when Amanda Seyfried is losing her virginity), parts of the movie that are gorey and gross (Megan Fox eating fried chicken), parts of the movie that are funny (all I can say about this is 'Wikipedia'), parts that are genuinely scary ('Are you scared?' from the trailer), and parts that are actually quite sad (the ending).

What I don't get is how people are just shitting ALL OVER this movie! And for no sound reason. Last night, whilst having dinner with dear friends of mine, most just could not believe that Jennifer's Body was great. I told myself going into the movie "I'm watching this to see if Megan Fox can act" - no high hopes, no low expectations, just went in as neutral as possible. Is this Oscar worthy? No. But it was never meant to be. You can clearly tell it's a movie written by Diablo Cody - "You're just jello" - but, where Juno's edgy dialouge gets tired if you watch the movie one too many times, Jennifer's Body does not have that problem - the dialouge flows, you feel like you're watching teenagers speaking their "cool" slang that we all had in high school. And guess what? Megan Fox can act. Amanda Seyfried is great! Diablo Cody is not a one hit wonder.

I blame the critics. Critics, before seeing this movie, already judged it because Megan Fox was in it; based on what? Transformers? She barely said anything in that movie! AND SHE KNOWS THIS! We all know she's seen as the 'Bad Girl' for telling the truth that she was hired for that movie because she's walking sex. Well why are there people blaming her for that? That's like blaming the victim of rape for wearing a mini-skirt.

Megan Fox is really attrac- she's a fuckin' hottie. Any red-blooded heterosexual man/gay woman would JUMP at the chance to have sex with her and there is NOTHING wrong with that. But I'm guessing Diablo Cody took a chance and wanted to see if Ms. Fox could do more than pout (which is all she was directed to do in Transformers 1 & 2) and guess what? She can. She DOVE into this role and it shows - apparently there was tension between her and Amanda Seyfried on set but did that show in the movie? Nope! You'd think they really were BFF's watching this movie. What does that mean everyone? Professionalism that translated into an actual ability to preform.

My point is that it's really unfair that people knock down a good actress before she has even set herself up. What's also infuriating is that because everyone talks about how "bad" Megan Fox was in this movie, no one is talking about great Amanda Seyfried is! I cannot believe that is the same actress that played Karen Smith in Mean Girls. She went from total ditz to total awesome and deserves respect for that! Plus have you seen pictures of her when she's not playing the meek, nerdy best friend - damn! - total hottie! Yet no one is shitting all over her...

I just really hate when a good movie (Solid B+) gets crapped on because pretentious critics don't want to see an attractive woman succeed. Yet when movies with enormous plot holes, movies that could easily have one hour of dialouge removed, and movies that are simply bad are touted as works of art and "you're a fool if you don't believe this!" go on to make millions and millions and shoot actors that really don't deserve it into super-stardom, I can't help but feel like I'm watching an episode of ANTM and Tyra Banks has just told a girl to be herself and versatile - um what? I don't get it.

Never Been Kissed

I promised myself I would never use this blog as a way to discuss real emotion. I've used to bitch and moan and whine about the state of the world because, quite frankly, lots of shiz just pisses me the eff off. I don't like it when people are late, I don't like close-minded douchebags that tell me how I should live my life, and I don't like James Blunt (dickhead). But my posts about those issues don't really matter - one online journal with one person's thoughts isn't going to change the world; so that's why it's so hard to discuss something that actually matters to me, that's personal, that's scary...

Until very recently (damn Italians, they.are.direct.) I can't remember the last time I was kissed. Well duh I've been kissed, lots of times, but what I mean is actually being the one who is kissed as opposed to the one who starts the kissing. 99% of the time first dates, boyfriends, or even random make-out guys at clubs (Hi spaghetti boy), I'm the one that leans in, taking that plunge, hoping they'll lean forward and kiss back. I'm either watching TV at his place on the couch, sitting on a tree that's grown crooked and creates a ledge over a river to sit on, or we've just watched a horrific movie and boom, I'm flooded with images of me leaning in, me getting those butterflies in my stomach, me getting paranoid a split second before the kiss that maybe he won't kiss me back and then it happens. And it's nice. And I laugh, or smile, or giggle, or say something stupidly flirty like "Your lips taste like cherries" or "What a fucked up movie, no?" or "Let's go to the bedroom" (ok, ok, that last one isn't flirty as it is slutty, but whatever).

I recently deleted all my online profiles in the hopes of getting out of a bad habit - see a nice guy online, write him a message, add him to my msn, chat some, go on a date, hit it off (or don't), kiss him goodnight (or don't), see him again (or don't). It got boring. It got tiresome, seeing all the same people online, all the time, putting up their best pictures in the best light in the hopes it attracts someone. Writing about their love of life and how they like open-minded, sweet guys with a kind smile; have you ever read a profile in which someone is looking for a close-minded pessimist with missing teeth and mean as shit?

It's been about a month since I've taken myself off the market and I don't feel any better, I just feel lonelier and I find myself thinking about the potential great, wonderful, terrific people I am not meeting because for some reason I have it in my head that this is best for me...for now.

Maybe this was just some word vomit (ah thank you Mean Girls) that needed to come out so that I can feel better about myself but now I feel worse. I guess I want to be desired. I want to be kissed. I want to be the one that gets the call for the second date. I want to be the thing acted on, not the one doing the acting. I want to feel like a song, I want to remind someone of a lyric, I want to be thought of. Fuck, even after some shit about real emotion, I still end up just whining.

Palin Pains Me

Ugh. I still can’t believe that I have the need to talk about these idiots. Governor of Alaska (read as: NOT Vice President of the United States) Sarah Palin’s daughter, Bristol, recently gave birth to her wedlock baby, a daughter named in honor of Bristol’s brother Trip, Fall, nyuk, nyuk, nyuk.

Anyways, there’s an article written in the Sun about the formally preggers Palin where it states:

“Bristol also said in the interview that her mother's view of abstinence is not realistic at all and that like her mother, she too is a Right to Life supporter.”

This is where my ears perked up. Bristol later went on to say:

“It was my choice to have the baby. It doesn't matter what my mom's views are on it. It was my decision.”

You see why I ugh’d before yes? That statement is the very definition of being a Right to Choice supporter, not a Right to Life supporter. For argument’s sake, I’m going to give Bristol the benefit of the doubt and say the decision to have Fall was entirely hers and not her mother’s political party. I mean, seriously, come on, if your mother was the Vice-Presidential Nominee for the Republican Party (read as: the Presidential Nominee for the Republican Party) and her daughter a) had pre-marital sex in a state that wants abstinence-only education b) got pregnant from the pre-marital sex and c) had an abortion to, you know, secure a brighter future for herself and her boyfriend the GOP might as well have put up a Black, Pre-op Transsexual Lesbian with a santorum fetish and a platform for backing gun laws. I got side-tracked…

Anywho, the assumption stands; Bristol chose to have Fall despite her mother’s and her mother’s political party’s dangerous and ridiculous beliefs and dived into motherhood at 18 years of age. Bristol Palin is therefore pro-choice. She said it herself; the decision to have her daughter was and always has been her choice. CHOICE

SAY IT WITH ME AGAIN EVERYBODY – CHOICE!

I hate doublespeak. I hate that people don’t listen to the words they speak out loud. I hate stupidity. I hate when it’s painstakingly obvious and the interviewer (for Fox News) just nodded her head and glossed over the fact that Bristol Palin, announced to the entire world, she is Pro-Choice and there was a time, for however small it was, where she considered an abortion and chose not to have one. Here's where I have to hold in the terror screams - she's glossed over the fact that if she wanted to she could've had an abortion but decided she didn't want one and had her baby. If the world was run the way her idiotic mother and political party want the world run, SHE WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN ABLE TO SAY THAT THE DECISION WAS HERS! Ah. AH. AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sorry folks, couldn't keep it in!

Bristol Palin is not a hero that should be congratulated for her choice to have a baby when she wasn’t ready. She should be pitied because her future has been diminished and all the opportunities she had, simply by her birthright, are pretty much gone (say what you will about Sarah Palin, but being the child of a governor or senator pretty much guarantees you a spot in your parent’s alma mater – I mean George W. Bush is a graduate from Yale – fucking Yale!).
Even though my distain runs deep for your mother Bristol, I wish you all the luck and best wishes in the world, congratulations on a healthy baby, and sincerely hope you learn from the mistakes of your past – I’m not talking about your pregnancy btw…

Attention World!

No, I haven't quit P-90X, I'm still going strong. Just finished up Week 7 and now am on Week 8 (which is my 'Rest' week, so light weights and more cardio). I deleted all the old posts because let's face it, they were boring as hell. New posts about interesting stuff will be up soon. Possibly today :)

Love Lockdown by Kanye West

Once upon a time...
God was watching over his people...

His people, too savage to hear or feel Him, ignored Him instead, this made God sad...

Instead, they made up stories about other gods, lesser gods, and gods that never existed - this made God's people the same...

They made music and art and songs that celebrated their sameness, a drum beat always being played to remind the people to believe in their stories...

One day, a man named Lion Head, heard God speak to him. Lion Head tried to tell his family and friends what he heard but this made him different and his friends and family turned on him...

The drum always beating in the background...

But Lion Head knew how important it was for his friends and family to know the truth, that they're stories were only stories and that God was sad. "Go away!" they screamed but Lion Head would not...The things Lion Head would say, made the people angry, so they decided to make Lion Head go away forever, but Lion Head was fast and could run away...

Especially when the people used their hunting tools on him and not the animals that fed them...

God could only watch, the choices made by all his people, were their's and their's alone to make...

Besides, God had other worries, darker worries...

Because never far from God, were the priestesses, the temptresses that guarded the stories, and spoke them louder, to block out God's humble voice...

For the priestesses were crafty, they only used the most beautiful and enchanting in their innermost circles, to entice the masses, to lock them in...

Even Lion Head and his followers had to stop and watch, even they could forgot the real God and fall in love with the stories again...

The priestesses were really pretty after all...

So pretty in fact, that no one noticed a space ship, flying off into the sky...

But the drums were nice to listen to...

And the dancing looked fun...

So much fun in fact, after awhile, the disciples of Lion Head forgot about him and could only hear the drums and see the dancing, so they began to dance...

With everyone jumping and dancing, God was pushed into a corner and guarded, for his own safety of course...

And because God wasn't heard from, everyone was the same again...

Even Lion Head...

Couldn't resist the dancing, the drumming or the priestesses...

Just then, the aliens on the ship, or the "other gods" as they were known by the people, decided to see what all the commotion was about; it was too much for Lion Head, and soon he was dancing the dance of the lesser gods too...

The lesser gods enticed the people with the dance they showed their ancestors long ago...

The dance, the drums, and the other gods too powerful to stop, leaves God tired and leads us right back to where he was in the beginning, once upon a time...

Hope you enjoyed the story, watch it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xiRX6Gk5ym8