Yaaaaaaay, Health Problems!

I got my Sleep Study Report today. For those that don't know, I am, the WORST sleeper. I hear these stories of people being able to nap after 13 hours of sleep or just going to bed once their head hits the pillow and I want to cry. I can't do that. I am the worst person to sleep beside; I talk in my sleep, I move around alot, and I have to sleep on my back.

I went in for a sleep study and got my results today, they are hilarious!

Enjoy!

I went to bed at around 10:30 (meaning lights out and me resting on the bed).

I fell asleep in 12.5 minutes and slept for 6 hours and 12 minutes (I was awoken at 6am - meaning the max amount of sleep I could've had was 7.5 hours minus the 12.5 minutes).

11.9% of my sleep was REM sleep - that's DEEP sleep, like you dream in this sleep, you are out to the world in this sleep - it's good sleep. Normal readings are 28% - meaning 28% of the sleep cycle should be REM sleep; me 11.9%

Now all sleep has 4 stages plus the REM sleep, here's how I fared in that department:

Stage 1 - normal - 4.44%; me 7.7%

Stage 2 - normal - 45.54%; me 50.7%

Stage 3 - normal - 6.21%; me 4.6%

Stage 4 - normal - 14.88%; me 25.1%

See how disproportioned I am?

I had 14 obstructive apneas (meaning I snored slightly) and the longest session of this light snoring was 27.8 seconds - meaning something was partially obstructing my breathing.

I had 16 obstructive hypopneas (meaning I stopped breathing entirely - NO AIR COMING IN!) and the longest session was - get this - 42.1 seconds! I can't even hold my breath underwater that long!!!!

My blood oxygen dropped to 90% (should be at 100%).

Here's the part I just loved - I had 53 spontaneous arousals (just waking up for a few seconds and going back to sleep, this is common, you never really "wake up", you're just moving your head for example)

I had 23 respitory arousals - I woke up 23 times because I stopped breathing 23 times in the night.

I had 4 periodic limb arousals - I jerked my legs 4 times in the night, which caused me 'wake-up' for a few seconds.

On average, I had an arousal index of 12.9, the normal you ask? LESS THAN 5!!!!!!

In total, the number of times I awoke and was "awake" for 15 seconds (or more) before falling instantly to sleep was 28 times.

This means that I wake up 4.5 times an hour or every 13 minutes approximately.

SO DON'T BLAME ME IF I'M A GRUMPY BITCH IN THE MORNING!!!!!

Amen

So today I felt inspired - I read Jamie's most recent posting, it was touching and was very nostalgic from me, because I would always put down people that thought like he does. And then poof - I completely agree with him. I was a stubborn fucker in high school:

No Abortion!

No Death Penaulty!

No Euthanasia!

I could bring myself to say No to homosexuality, always quickly saying "Love the Sinner, Hate the Sin" - deep down I knew I was talking about myself - and I was never keen on the whole self-hating thing.

But my high school career was one of constant defence for the Holy Roman Catholic Church. I knew doctrine, I knew how to answer the tough questions - Like in the Simpsons Halloween special, where Lisa creates life and is shrunk down and meets her creation, one of the first questions from people is "If you're soo good and if you're so great, why do bad things happen to good people?" - I know how to answer that question, Catholically speaking.

But then the tough questions came:

If God can do everything, can He nuke a burrito so hot, that not even Himself can touch it?

If the Church and God, go hand in hand (Catholic Dogma that allows for the belief that the Pope is infallible when it comes to Dogmatic Law), how can you explain the current Pope condemning the Inquistion (sanctioned by a former Pope) - they can't both be right; and yet dogmatically they are.

I couldn't answer these questions, because they required relativism; something I realized will be the Church's downfall. The Church is so scared of change, so frightened by the prospect that one day a woman will put on a collar, that gays will be exchanging vows on one of it's altars, that condoms will be given out at catholic high schools - that's it's slowly killing itself.

It's run by the own fear it's generated. Any, and I mean any, sway from the straight and narrow will cause it's ultimate demise. I really don't believe the church is run by stubborn, stupid, old men that remember a "better time" and are trying to get back to that place. The church is run by smart, sophisticated men that know they are doomed. They're dug themselves too far into a hole - if they admit or allow the slightest change for the purpose of changing - they are admitting to the world that they're faith isn't devinely created but man-made and therefore faulty.

I remember once, watching a program on the Discovery Channel about the Roman Catholic Church (this was during Canada's hosting of World Youth Day) and one of the guests on this show said that he truly believed that Catholicism would be around 500 years from now, it would be incredibly different, but would still be "Roman Catholicism".

I disagree. Roman Catholicism won't be around in 500 years, too many people enjoy sex, too many people have friends/children that are gay, too many people are realizing more and more that they don't need confession to feel "right" anymore.

And this person has realized that Roman Catholicism died a long, long time ago while searching for a particular Bible passage in his high school chapel and suddenly not caring when he didn't find it.

Ode To My Mama

My mother is one weird bird. She's gone through a lot. She's lost two brothers, her sister is sick, she's lost both her parents and she has a gay son. For some, the last thing doesn't seem to fit in the list of turmoils my mother has had to face, but to a Catholic Woman (and anyone with a Catholic upbringing), it makes perfect sense.

But, my mom is showing signs of acceptance, slowly by surely, she is. She's meeting more of my friends, she asked Travis to stay for dinner (that's right, he broke bread with my parents AND made them laugh) and she's stopped telling me to "Be Good" when she goes away for the weekend. It's now "Have Fun". Her subtle way of telling me she's read my letter; maybe even she's starting to believe what I wrote in that letter?

But today I got something about my mom - she's just like me. My Aunt Marisha, the first thing she said to me when she saw me was, "Oh yeah, you're a Klimek" - Klimek being my mom's maiden name. This followed by an uproar from my Dad, saying "You're a Sobik and she doesn't know what she's talking about" and my mom coyly smiling in the background.

I got my Dad addicted to Sudoku, who in turn, showed my Mom how to do it and now she can't get enough. The 24 and Metro are being brought home, the sudoku puzzles from the Toronto Sun are meticously cut from the paper, so they can have easier access to the madness and you'll understand why I just told you this.

So here's the conversation I just had with my wonderful Mama:

*Eating soup, while doing a sudoku puzzle from the 24*

Mama: I don't get this advertisement for cosmetic surgery *bottom of the page where the puzzle is*

Me: What don't you get?

Mama: Well, Lipsuction I get, if you're fat, you're fat. And Breasts, well, yeah Breasts and same with Tummy Tuck. But...VAGINA SURGERY?! What the hell does a woman need done to her vagina, Darchu?

And this point, I think soup squirted out my nose and I had noodles stuck in the back of my throat.

Happy Thanksgiving Everybody!!

Most Obvious Thing You'll Learn Today...

You Are a Fun Flirt

You just can't help yourself... you flirt with everyone you know.Guys, girls, crushes, and friends. They're all victims to your charm.You're into silly innuendos, sexy jokes, and playful touches.You are a huge flirt, yet you never make anyone (too) uncomfortable!

What Kind of Flirt Are You?

If You Were Born in 2893...

Your Name Would Be: Laif Vovv And You Would Be: The Future's Last Hope

If You Were Born in 2893

SURPRISE!

I've never really been surprised in my life. Never had a surprise birthday party (on account that I'm always ASKING for them), 9/11 didn't leave me in complete shock when I learned of it in Calculus class, and learning about my kidney and the freak congential disorder I was born with was more of a "Oh, damn" than a "WHAAAAAAAAAAT?". I just don't get surprised that easily until recently...

Recently, I've been getting compliments outta the wazoo because of my blog. Now, this isn't me praising me about how terrific I think my writing is, in fact, I think my writing is pretty rushed and half-assed. But I've gotten more surprises outta my little purple monkey dishwater than in the past 22 years of life, soon to be 23.

Jennie Nickerson, Tash, Mima and hell even Josh have told me, completely out of the blue, about what a fun/happy/meaningful time they have gotten out of reading my blog. Josh even described one post as "the best writing I've ever read". I was touched!

So, unlike me in so many ways, this is a complete THANK YOU to all the people that have left me comments, praised me for my writing when even I didn't think too much about it and to all the readers that just get a little smirk or giggle about my rants/comments/thoughts and various other forms of expression. You all rock the hizzie, I'm slightly buzzed and going to bed soon!!