Death and Destruction for All

Birds of A Feather

2010-01-08T17:33:00.005-06:00

So last night I was hanging out with my dearest of dearest friends and we were talking about Jackie Chan's new movie. Blah blah blah next door neighbour is a ninja blah blah blah he's now gonna babysit his neighbour's young kids blah blah blah with the kids help he defeats the bad guys that can't swear because this movie is PG. Loads of crap, I'm sure. It was the conversation that followed that made me realize my brain is wired differently from my friends. NOT better. NOT worse. Simply differently.

Anyways, I made the point, while inebriated, that I don't think I would ever allow a middle-aged single male (regardless of race) to babysit my young kids. The scenario I put out there was imagine placing an ad around your neighbourhood looking for a babysitter, after interviewing a bunch of teenagers looking to make a couple bucks, you hear the doorbell ring and when you answer you see a single male, 30ish, inquiring about the ad. I know it sounds terrible but RED FLAGS WITH BUILT-IN ALARMS just go off for me about that situation. Yes, yes, sexism, blah blah blah discrimination blah blah blah but whatever! My hypothetical kids, my hypothetical decisions. Most of my friends kind of agreed that yes perhaps a red flag or two would be raised should that happen but where we differed in opinion was would we still interview the guy or not. I said no, no matter what. Most of my friends said yes if he had some shining references. Fair enough. I fully understand my flaw in thinking and the fact that should hypothetical man have excellent references he should have a fair chance, just like everyone else, and at least get an interview. But still...just seems too strange to me. I think because everyone was a little inebriated, my friends didn't hear me when I said I didn't care what the race of the hypothetical guy was (meaning one race wouldn't gain my favour over another) but that he was 30ish, single, and male that weirded me out.

After I gave my spiel, a darling friend of mine asked "Would you let a black woman babysit your kids?" and I hesitated. Now, let's all pick up our jaws from the floor and allow me to explain WHAT WAS GOING THROUGH MY MIND WHEN THE QUESTION WAS ASKED. Understand my friends, all of my friends, come from diverse backgrounds, different religions, different cultural upbringings and no, I am not saying the equivalent of "Hey man, it's cool, I have black friends".

My friend asked me, "Would you let a black woman babysit your kids?"
How I heard the question was, "Would you let a black woman babysit your kids?".

Keeping in mind not 10 seconds prior we were just dicussing about how I was judging an applicant by his sex, I thought my friend was asking me to think of my scenario with everything the same except instead of me opening my door to a 30ish, single male applying for a babysitting job I would find a 30ish, single female standing there asking if she could be interviewed for the babysitting position. The fact that my friend made hypothetical person black wasn't what I was thinking about but rather that hypothetical person was female. And after thinking about THAT I said "Yes, I would."

But my response was too late or didn't come quick enough and now I'm considered an inherent racist when in fact I'm an admitted sexist. If my decision for the babysitter came down to two people, but equally qualified, both 30ish and single, one being male (of any race) and one being female (of any race) I would choose the female. Blah blah blah Darek you're sexist blah blah blah I can't believe you're discriminating blah blah blah. Yeah I know I'm horrible for thinking that but 1) I'm being sexist against my own sex, so, who cares? 2) YOUR FACE!

In conclusion your honour, the defense rests!

Thinning Out the Herd

2010-01-05T07:49:00.002-06:00

"Challenge yourself to be a little bit smarter today"

I'm still astounded that I heard this pearl of wisdom from Dean Blundell, Host of The Edge's Morning Show. I only caught a snippit of what he was saying but essentially it was a "cut it out!" speech about stupid people using slurs against someone based on their race, sexual orientation, or religion. Great stuff.

I've been wondering what my first post of 2010 was going to be and hearing this new mantra kind of sealed the deal for me. During my Christmas break from work, I fell in love (even more so) with www.notalwaysright.com. The website just lists conversations that people in the service industry (kiosk handlers, customer service agents, tech support, waiters, hotel workers, retail, etc) have had with customers who are not always right - you see, apparently, the customer is always right. Needless to say hilarity ensues but accompanied by my increasing sense of dred and rage at some pretty stupid people.

Now I'm not saying that all service people know what they are doing, I use to be one, and yes I've made some mistakes while servicing customers (ha!) but in the long run you get into a habit and can usually determine the solution to a customer's problem within a few minutes. And while I think some of these stories on www.notalwaysright.com are made up, some are real because I've dealt with the exact same scenarios. It actually scares me that most of these people are breeding, passing on inadequate genes, and essentially peeing into the genetic pool of humanity.

Most of these customers fall into 3 categories:

1) The Idiot - this customer simply does not listen to the words coming out of the service agent's mouth.

2) The Centre of the Universe - this is a subset of idiot because this customer usually comes up with excuses as to why they acted stupidly which in turn allows them to think they have not acted stupidly.

3) The Gullible - after the service agent has tried explaining (many times) return policies, or menu items, or billing procedures the agent gives up and just allows the customer to believe their own idiotic reasoning to end the call/get on with their job.

To be fair, I should admit there is a 4th kind of customer and that's the one able to admit they were wrong or have a laugh at themselves for what they were thinking or believing the service agent with the information they've provided.

ANNNNNNNYYYYWAAAAAAYS, the reason I'm going on and on about stupid people is with the 21st century the idea that the world will end, and end soon, is such an identifier of my generation you can't help but to think who would survive just in case the worst of the worst happened. Be it an environmental cataclysmic event, or the zombie apocolypse, or just the regular one with Jebus and monsters - is it wrong of me to kind of be relieved that once the event is over, those remaining were smart enough to survive? That essentially we've cut back on those peeing in the pool? Well we have to make sure the zombies don't win people! Challenge yourself today to be a little bit smarter today!!

Happy New Year! And New Decade!

Merry Everyone!

2009-12-15T08:09:00.013-06:00

So yesterday I met up with the Book Club and we discussed Lawrence Hill's The Book of Negroes. It is a terrific book, full of sadness, loss, history, descriptive prose (but not too descriptive) and smidgens of happiness relating to one Aminata Diallo, an African child stolen from her Village in Bayo (I believe present day Nigeria) during the 18th century and sold as a slave to America. The book, I thought, was eloquently summed up by a woman (eek, I can't remember her name, I'm terrible!) who said she fully grasped one of the many profound meanings of the book from church. 2000 years ago, people were looking for a saviour, and not much as changed from 300 years ago - people will always be looking for that saviour, that soul to guide them either to something better or away from something terrible. Beautiful. All in all, a terrific book!

Jamie, deputy leader extraordinaire of the Book Club, brought up a very interesting point that in the US and UK, The Book of Negroes isn't called The Book of Negroes but rather the bland and boring title Someone Knows My Name. Almost immediately, the entire group was in agreement this was a terrible substitution and Jamie asked 'why do you think Canada had one title while the US and UK, some of the free-est states in the world, had different titles?'

I said because Canada is, well, not ridiculous. And I was right! Lawrence Hill states that his New York editor sent him a nervous email informing him that even though he was promised The Book of Negroes would be a fine title in the US, they have now come to realize how sensitive the word Negroes is and asked him to change it to better appeal to the delicate sensibilities of Americans. The title of the book comes from a well-perseved document with the same title.

But Someone Knows My Name? Really? That sounds like a Nora Roberts romance novel, on par with something like Silken Hearts, The Bosom Fire, and Weeping Uteruses.

It also didn't surprise me that the sole reason for the name change was because the US was so scared of offending someone. And yes, I have to admit, while reading the book at work, during my breaks (of course), any time someone asked me what I was reading, I could see that some people were surprised I could say 'Negroes' so easily. But that's because of a little thing called context. Very few words still have their kick without context. I'm not a racist (you shouldn't be either) but I'm not silly enough to ignore the past. This book is about the past. This is how people spoke in the past. Get over it.

Was it any surprise that a New York Editor informed Mr. Hill his title was too risque and needed to be changed? Nope. New York, despite being the liberal mecca of the world, is still in a country that has groups that boycott stores because they refuse to wish someone a Merry Christmas. Or worse (because stores want to make all potential customers happy and therefore increase profit) by wishing someone a Happy Holidays. I've never understood why it's the norm to assume you're a Christian when 2/3 of the world isn't Christian. Logically it doesn't make sense but I'm getting side-tracked.

Here's some simple tips to avoid any boycotts of your own:

Wish Christians a 'Merry Christmas' - if you know someone goes to church (ANY church) say Merry Christmas. That is what they're celebrating after all.
Wish Jewish People a 'Happy Hanukkah' - it may not be their holiest of holidays (neither is Christmas for Christians) but I'm sure they'd appreciate the sentiment. Mmmmm Latkes...
Ask Muslims if they had fun during Eid al-Fitr or Eid al-Adha - why the change? Because these Muslim celebrations (celebrating the end of Ramadan) have already been celebrated earlier at the beginning of December.
Are you not a follower of these Abrahamic religions? Well then ask what someone is celebrating! I'm fairly certain Hindu's have already celebrated Diwali so ask if they had a swell time! Otherwise, be like me, play the ignorant card, and ask someone what they will be doing during this holiday season and learn a little something about your co-worker or friend.

What's going on with Sikh's this time of the year? I have no idea! But I work with a gentlemen that is Sikh, so I know not to wish him that Jesus has a great birthday. It really is that simple. No need for over-reactions, no need for delicate sensibilities, no need for shifty eyes. Ask and ye shall receive or so I'm told.

May you all party-harty and party safely during this much needed break! Merry Everyone!

100th Post: Coming Out

2009-11-17T12:11:00.006-06:00

So this is kind of a bit of a milestone for me and it only took like a little over four years to get here - it's my 100th Post! I was wondering what this post would be about ever since I started this blog and lo & behold it's going to be about the gays.

A while back, I posted an entry about this douchebag and how enraged I was over him using the term SAGs which means 'straight-acting-gays'. In his People Magazine interview, Lance Bass talked about how him and his gays friends were not the fairy gays the Christian Right is using as an example of the deviant life of GLBT people but beer-drinking, football-playing-and-watching 'Merikans! Anyways, case in point, LB is a douchebag.

Whose a bigger douchebag than Lance "pillow chewing bottom" Bass? Why none other than Adam Lambert. I never watched American Idol, I never read his Rolling Stone interview, and when Out Magazine put him on their Top 100 Gays of the Year (or something like that) List I just thought "well who else would they put on there?".

Anyways, Queerty has this terrific article about why he's a douche from Out's Editior-in-Chief Aaron Hicklin (plus a pretty yummy pic of the semi-silver-haired fox) . Anyways, the reason Adam Lambert is a douchebag - and bare with me my loyal 5 readers/friends that periodically come in and see if I have posted anything new while you were bored at work - is that he came out publicly. I'd rather prefer he go back into the closet and here's why: IT WAS NO SECRET ADAM LAMBERT WAS GAY. None whatsoever. Furthermore, coming out in the public eye is NOT something to feel proud about WHEN EVERYONE AND THEIR BLIND GRANDMOTHERS KNEW YOU WERE GAY.

I'm not saying it doesn't take guts and I'm not saying it shouldn't be broadcast from the mountain tops what I'm saying is Adam Lambert, like Lance Bass, didn't overcome anything. LGBT people in Iran that have escaped a country that would have them stoned have overcome something. A child that tells his deeply religious southern family they're gay and then puts up with said family's abuse only to escape and make a better life for themselves has overcome something. Brave men and women who were unfairly discharged from the US military for simply being SUSPECTED of being gay only to take the public stand against their government have overcome something. When a fairy with a soft voice and too much make up "shocks" the world with an annoucement that he's gay - and gets paid for it - he has not overcome a single thing.

I feel I should explain why I support another celebrity for coming out and making the 100 List - Wanda Sykes. I will admit I've never watched her show, I've seen a few comedy specials featuring her but I'm as much a fan of Wanda Sykes as I am of Spam; I've only experienced it once or twice and surprisingly it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Anyways, Wanda Sykes also recently came out, publicly, but during a 'NO TO H8' rally in Las Vegas denouncing Proposition 8. When I learned Wanda Sykes was a lesbian I wasn't shocked outta my socks but really just thought "yeah, I can see that but good for her!" She used her example of overcoming prejudice against her (and her now wife) to try and change the prejudice experienced by many others. No drawn out explainations, no press releases, maybe one or two cover stories after the fact but all in all I would say she handled being gay and a some-what public figure pretty gracefully.

So to recap:

This is a douchebag

She is not

Woo Hoo!

2009-11-16T12:29:00.001-06:00

via Auto Insurance.org

Carrie Prejean: No One to Blame But Yourself

2009-11-16T09:21:00.008-06:00

So OMG! Apparently there are SEVEN (7) more solo sex tapes of Carrie Prejean floating around. The ex-boyfriend she made her first tape for has gone on the record as saying she called him up and told him to lie about her age while making the sex tapes (as viewing them would then be considered child pornography) and even MORE sexily naked pictures of the ultimate Runner-Up have popped up.

This is so fucking delicious I'm salivating - and I never thought that this would be possible over a woman.

Any whoodle, the internets will soon be all a buzz over her reaction to this and the water works will start and she'll cry and blah blah blah. Well she only has herself to blame really.

Let me make something perfectly clear - I could care less that she's even made these tapes! Everyone has done some kind of sexting at one point in their lives, be it cammin' with someone, sending a dirty text or a raunchy photo to entice a potential paramour and that's all well and good. If you keep the fires stoked right, it'll take longer to die down. But I can't get over how FUCKING AMAZING TERRIFIC it feels to hear some Christian right-wing nutter talk about (indirectly) how civil rights should be stripped away from a group of people, how girls should be modest and not get caught up in the overtly sexualized messages the media spouts at them, and that your body is your temple but can be a better temple with breast implants. It really is true, the higher you place yourself on a pedestal, the harder you are gonna fall. Holy Hell - SEVEN TAPES CARRIE!?

I don't care that she's diddling herself before a camera, if she enjoys looking at herself naked and/or enjoys the look on a boyfriend's face as he's looking at her naked and touching herself - great! Getting someone excited by your own body is one of the hottest feelings ever! When you feel sexy and lusted after, you can't help but feel great about yourself! It's natural, it's hot, and well down right kinky.

With her book tour cancelled now, I really hope she just goes away at this point. You tried to ride the coat tails of the Christian-right organizations that have thrown buckets of money your way and you failed. You failed because the very values you tried to make a career out of are the very values you do not possess. And that's fine! They are stupid values to have anyway! You could've built a platform on sex-education, something your wacky country is severely lacking. You could've been mature about why you did the tapes - "NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS" is the appropiate response - but you chose to play the victim, the Mary Magdelene of the 21st century wondering who was going to cast the first stone.

Here's an idea - grow up a little, get a better education, and understand that the blonde, plastic, Christian world you were brought up in is wrong and try to actually make a real difference in the world. THEN you could actually be a real role-model to the young girls you so eagerly want to protect.

Absolutes

2009-09-30T14:09:00.004-05:00

So you know how there are so very, very, very few absolutes in the world? Like rape is always wrong, no matter what well here's two more:

This man is a pervert and a criminal. That is all.

Dunk!

2009-09-28T13:47:00.003-05:00

I'm a dunker. You give me a glass of milk with cookies, you better believe those cookies are gonna be dunked into said milk. Tea biscuits with tea? Sandwich with soup? Donut with coffee? Toast and eggs? All dunkable treats with optimum dunkability to achieve prime homogeneity. What was once a cookie and a glass of milk, is now both cookie and milk - and yet something so much more! That dry salami sandwich you were just chompin' on? Well get yourself a small $3 bowl of cream of mushroom soup and BOOM! Sandwich and soup combine together to form a unified taste sensation that cannot be beat! Is your tea weak? Dunk a tea biscuit in that motherfucker! Not only with that tea sweeten up ever so slightly, but that hard-as-a-brick biscuit will now have soften to achieve prime chewability and deliciousness. Over easy eggs are just begging to be poked with toast or a crispy strip of bacon to let out that delicious yolk to turn your breakfest into a sloppy, salty brine of yellow delicious. Everything on your breakfast plate begins to taste a little like everything else!

So the next time you see a spunky, adorable 25 year old with piercing blue eyes dunkin' his donuts into his hot chocolate or his sandwich in his soup, don't mock me him but revel in his genius at knowing a good thing when he sees it.

BAM!

2009-09-25T15:02:00.015-05:00

I really appreciate a good model. I've done a few posts on ANTM past cycles and my friends usually tell me that I do a good job critiquing photos. I think it comes down to something I've called "BAM Factor" - yes I know that's incredibly cheesey but it's the only way I can describe it. In my most humble opinion, a model has done a great job with a photo/ad/cover when I feel like I've been shot looking at it. It's something I've noticed where my head will literally whip back ever so slightly because I'm amazed at what I'm seeing and I'll continue to stare and try to find that flaw in the photo. If after a minute or two I cannot, then damn, wham, bam (hehe), thank you ma'am!

I'm not saying this BAM factor is hard to come by, many girls on ANTM and CNTM have accomplished this but a truly great model will continually dish out BAM photos throughout her career - the nearly extinct species of model referred to as a 'Supermodel'. I'm sorry to say but they are a dying breed - very few models can pull such a wide range of emotions, marketability, and style.

There are three traits/abilities I think all models, in order to transform into that semi-mythical 'Supermodel', have to master:

Close-up face shot. This is usually just dumb luck - yes yes yes yes, models don't have to be pretty - but most are. Most supermodels are STUNNING even without photoshot and airbrushing and hours behind the make-up chair. It's not about your face being beautiful, it's about your face being marketable - I would assume in order to be successful in modeling you'd have to get over that people are not looking at you but the work behind you and thinking that's you.
Chameleon ability. People will get bored of your pretty face. It, along with you, has to change. But that change can't be permanent, it has to happen and then quickly change into something else. I find that most Supermodels have mastered the art of mimicry.
Ability to sell the product. All models are selling you something even when they're not. A Supermodel has to be able to sell the product but also herself. After I'm done looking at the face and body, I stare at the picture longer looking (whether it's intentional or not) at the product she's selling - clothes, electronics, make-up, jewelry. All Supermodels have that one ad that shot them to stardom.

Let's take a look at, oh I don't know, the queen of all models, Linda Evangelista:

Her close up is flawless. She has full control over every aspect of her face - her jawline, her mouth, her teeth, her nose (which is a little crooked but that doesn't matter here), her eyes and ending at her eyebrows. Can't tell they're the same person can you? The body language, those fucking legs, the expression on her face - all completely different from the previous photo and yet still just as stunning. Total BAM factor here. It's just an amazing picture.

You may not think this fair because it's goddamn Italian Vogue but you better believe they sold that issue of the magazine. It's just a stunning photo! She's covered up, her face is not entirely visible and yet it's just full of BAM factor. You can't help but look at it and start scanning the photo. You see she's sitting cross-legged, the eyebrow you can see is raised ever so slightly, and the exaggerated posture stops looking so exaggerated and more regal over time.

Up next and no, I didn't pick Chanel Iman because she was recently on ANTM, I picked her because I fell in love with her ever since this iconic issue of Vogue came out:

Just stare at this photo for a minute or two. Those fucking lips - damn! The smallest curl of the right side of her mouth. The shape of her eyes. You can even tell she's crossing her arms in front of her chest and that makes the entire face-shot something different, doesn't it?Yes her face is all scrunched up but it's still different enough that she doesn't look like the woman above and yet is just as pleasant to look at. She really does look like she's singing!

I want that dress. Why? I have no idea. I'm not gonna wear it but the look on her face, the way she's twirling it, the little bit of ankle we're seeing, the graceful way her hand is clutching the dress without looking gnarled - it all comes together really nicely. BAM!

And lastly, lookie here, another Canadian gem, Coco Rocha. Let's take a look at the close-up:

Flawless. What about the Chameleon ability?

Done! She kinda looks like Linda Evangelista here, no?
BAM! Even though you can't see her face, it's the body language and her ability to utilize the garment that's important. Her legs look beautiful, it's very demure, and the clothing looks terrific.

I think I posted this to make a point - the age of supermodels or, and I can't believe I'm going to say this, top models *shudder* are over. VERY few women can pull off everything that is needed in order to be super at modeling (get it?). I'm just appreciating those rare gems when I see them.

Nerd Porn

2009-09-22T14:24:00.016-05:00

So you know how Disney owns Marvel now? Well what would happen if Marvel could put a little influence on the sweet, bubbly princesses we've all grown up with over the years?

My comments below but a big BRAVO to Artist Jeffery Thomas for his unique and simply amazing artwork and brillant idea!

What would happen if Ariel had become the sea-witch?
What would happen if the apple was cursed instead of poisoned?What would happen if Pochantas slayed the white man that came to her shores?
What would happen if Nala took revenge on Simba for abandoning all the lionesses to Scar?
What would happen if Mulan didn't return home?

What would happen if Jasmine wanted all the power of a Genie?

What would happen if Jane, not Tarzan, was raised in the jungle?

What would happen if the Stepmother's Fairy Godmother visited her that night?

What if they never fell in love?

What would happen if Aurora never woke up?

What would happen if Alice never left Wonderland?

Reminiscing

2009-09-22T10:36:00.002-05:00

This is what happens when I listen to happy and sad songs at the same time...

The Francophone

He was sweet. He was nervous when we met. He spoke French. I thought he was really cute. He listened. He brought me four mini-gifts on our second date. I still have two of them. It took him three dates to finally kiss me. Ashorina didn’t like his eyebrows. My friends didn’t find him interesting. Except Yungsiow. He had a drinking problem. He was always excited when I called. He was ready to say those three little words after a month. We made out until 4 am once, rolling around my basement. He said those three little words, drunk, in my bed. I broke up with him a month later.

The Engineer

He had the same t-shirt as me. We liked to take walks together. I felt so bad for his boyfriend. I wanted to kiss him the first time I saw him. He could finish my sentences. He said he’d protect me from the things in the dark. His lips tasted like cherries the first time I kissed them. He said I was delicious. I was never on his checklist. He left me broken-hearted. I left him completely alone. I was (am?) his sunshine. He looked back at me as I pulled out of the movie theatre parking lot. He was just learning how to drive standard. Me being in his car made it better. I broke into his hideout. But never found him.

The Cop

I told him I would take him on a tour of the city since he was still new to it. We ended up watching a movie instead. His laugh was more abrasive than mine. He made me feel safe. He was more ticklish than me. He would make me dinner. I think about him the most. I wonder if he thinks of me. He liked cuddling me as much as I liked cuddling him. He would shake in his sleep. I wish I had gone up to Windsor when he asked. I like to debate. He didn’t. He let me drive his car. I pissed him off once. He was never concerned about me. We napped together on our second date. He was the first to call me his boyfriend.

Hating the Haters & Loving the Losers

2009-09-21T07:56:00.004-05:00

So...I don't get it. Over the weekend I saw 'Jennifer's Body' and thought it was great! And I don't mean "OMG YOU GUYS!? IT'S SOOOOOO BAD, IT'S GOOD!" - I was genuinely impressed with the movie, the actors, the directing, the writing, and cinematography. There are parts of the movie that are simply adorable (when Amanda Seyfried is losing her virginity), parts of the movie that are gorey and gross (Megan Fox eating fried chicken), parts of the movie that are funny (all I can say about this is 'Wikipedia'), parts that are genuinely scary ('Are you scared?' from the trailer), and parts that are actually quite sad (the ending).

What I don't get is how people are just shitting ALL OVER this movie! And for no sound reason. Last night, whilst having dinner with dear friends of mine, most just could not believe that Jennifer's Body was great. I told myself going into the movie "I'm watching this to see if Megan Fox can act" - no high hopes, no low expectations, just went in as neutral as possible. Is this Oscar worthy? No. But it was never meant to be. You can clearly tell it's a movie written by Diablo Cody - "You're just jello" - but, where Juno's edgy dialouge gets tired if you watch the movie one too many times, Jennifer's Body does not have that problem - the dialouge flows, you feel like you're watching teenagers speaking their "cool" slang that we all had in high school. And guess what? Megan Fox can act. Amanda Seyfried is great! Diablo Cody is not a one hit wonder.

I blame the critics. Critics, before seeing this movie, already judged it because Megan Fox was in it; based on what? Transformers? She barely said anything in that movie! AND SHE KNOWS THIS! We all know she's seen as the 'Bad Girl' for telling the truth that she was hired for that movie because she's walking sex. Well why are there people blaming her for that? That's like blaming the victim of rape for wearing a mini-skirt.

Megan Fox is really attrac- she's a fuckin' hottie. Any red-blooded heterosexual man/gay woman would JUMP at the chance to have sex with her and there is NOTHING wrong with that. But I'm guessing Diablo Cody took a chance and wanted to see if Ms. Fox could do more than pout (which is all she was directed to do in Transformers 1 & 2) and guess what? She can. She DOVE into this role and it shows - apparently there was tension between her and Amanda Seyfried on set but did that show in the movie? Nope! You'd think they really were BFF's watching this movie. What does that mean everyone? Professionalism that translated into an actual ability to preform.

My point is that it's really unfair that people knock down a good actress before she has even set herself up. What's also infuriating is that because everyone talks about how "bad" Megan Fox was in this movie, no one is talking about great Amanda Seyfried is! I cannot believe that is the same actress that played Karen Smith in Mean Girls. She went from total ditz to total awesome and deserves respect for that! Plus have you seen pictures of her when she's not playing the meek, nerdy best friend - damn! - total hottie! Yet no one is shitting all over her...

I just really hate when a good movie (Solid B+) gets crapped on because pretentious critics don't want to see an attractive woman succeed. Yet when movies with enormous plot holes, movies that could easily have one hour of dialouge removed, and movies that are simply bad are touted as works of art and "you're a fool if you don't believe this!" go on to make millions and millions and shoot actors that really don't deserve it into super-stardom, I can't help but feel like I'm watching an episode of ANTM and Tyra Banks has just told a girl to be herself and versatile - um what? I don't get it.

Never Been Kissed

2009-05-25T21:22:00.003-05:00

I promised myself I would never use this blog as a way to discuss real emotion. I've used to bitch and moan and whine about the state of the world because, quite frankly, lots of shiz just pisses me the eff off. I don't like it when people are late, I don't like close-minded douchebags that tell me how I should live my life, and I don't like James Blunt (dickhead). But my posts about those issues don't really matter - one online journal with one person's thoughts isn't going to change the world; so that's why it's so hard to discuss something that actually matters to me, that's personal, that's scary...

Until very recently (damn Italians, they.are.direct.) I can't remember the last time I was kissed. Well duh I've been kissed, lots of times, but what I mean is actually being the one who is kissed as opposed to the one who starts the kissing. 99% of the time first dates, boyfriends, or even random make-out guys at clubs (Hi spaghetti boy), I'm the one that leans in, taking that plunge, hoping they'll lean forward and kiss back. I'm either watching TV at his place on the couch, sitting on a tree that's grown crooked and creates a ledge over a river to sit on, or we've just watched a horrific movie and boom, I'm flooded with images of me leaning in, me getting those butterflies in my stomach, me getting paranoid a split second before the kiss that maybe he won't kiss me back and then it happens. And it's nice. And I laugh, or smile, or giggle, or say something stupidly flirty like "Your lips taste like cherries" or "What a fucked up movie, no?" or "Let's go to the bedroom" (ok, ok, that last one isn't flirty as it is slutty, but whatever).

I recently deleted all my online profiles in the hopes of getting out of a bad habit - see a nice guy online, write him a message, add him to my msn, chat some, go on a date, hit it off (or don't), kiss him goodnight (or don't), see him again (or don't). It got boring. It got tiresome, seeing all the same people online, all the time, putting up their best pictures in the best light in the hopes it attracts someone. Writing about their love of life and how they like open-minded, sweet guys with a kind smile; have you ever read a profile in which someone is looking for a close-minded pessimist with missing teeth and mean as shit?

It's been about a month since I've taken myself off the market and I don't feel any better, I just feel lonelier and I find myself thinking about the potential great, wonderful, terrific people I am not meeting because for some reason I have it in my head that this is best for me...for now.

Maybe this was just some word vomit (ah thank you Mean Girls) that needed to come out so that I can feel better about myself but now I feel worse. I guess I want to be desired. I want to be kissed. I want to be the one that gets the call for the second date. I want to be the thing acted on, not the one doing the acting. I want to feel like a song, I want to remind someone of a lyric, I want to be thought of. Fuck, even after some shit about real emotion, I still end up just whining.

Palin Pains Me

2009-02-18T12:18:00.003-06:00

Ugh. I still can’t believe that I have the need to talk about these idiots. Governor of Alaska (read as: NOT Vice President of the United States) Sarah Palin’s daughter, Bristol, recently gave birth to her wedlock baby, a daughter named in honor of Bristol’s brother Trip, Fall, nyuk, nyuk, nyuk.

Anyways, there’s an article written in the Sun about the formally preggers Palin where it states:

“Bristol also said in the interview that her mother's view of abstinence is not realistic at all and that like her mother, she too is a Right to Life supporter.”

This is where my ears perked up. Bristol later went on to say:

“It was my choice to have the baby. It doesn't matter what my mom's views are on it. It was my decision.”

You see why I ugh’d before yes? That statement is the very definition of being a Right to Choice supporter, not a Right to Life supporter. For argument’s sake, I’m going to give Bristol the benefit of the doubt and say the decision to have Fall was entirely hers and not her mother’s political party. I mean, seriously, come on, if your mother was the Vice-Presidential Nominee for the Republican Party (read as: the Presidential Nominee for the Republican Party) and her daughter a) had pre-marital sex in a state that wants abstinence-only education b) got pregnant from the pre-marital sex and c) had an abortion to, you know, secure a brighter future for herself and her boyfriend the GOP might as well have put up a Black, Pre-op Transsexual Lesbian with a santorum fetish and a platform for backing gun laws. I got side-tracked…

Anywho, the assumption stands; Bristol chose to have Fall despite her mother’s and her mother’s political party’s dangerous and ridiculous beliefs and dived into motherhood at 18 years of age. Bristol Palin is therefore pro-choice. She said it herself; the decision to have her daughter was and always has been her choice. CHOICE

SAY IT WITH ME AGAIN EVERYBODY – CHOICE!

I hate doublespeak. I hate that people don’t listen to the words they speak out loud. I hate stupidity. I hate when it’s painstakingly obvious and the interviewer (for Fox News) just nodded her head and glossed over the fact that Bristol Palin, announced to the entire world, she is Pro-Choice and there was a time, for however small it was, where she considered an abortion and chose not to have one. Here's where I have to hold in the terror screams - she's glossed over the fact that if she wanted to she could've had an abortion but decided she didn't want one and had her baby. If the world was run the way her idiotic mother and political party want the world run, SHE WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN ABLE TO SAY THAT THE DECISION WAS HERS! Ah. AH. AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sorry folks, couldn't keep it in!

Bristol Palin is not a hero that should be congratulated for her choice to have a baby when she wasn’t ready. She should be pitied because her future has been diminished and all the opportunities she had, simply by her birthright, are pretty much gone (say what you will about Sarah Palin, but being the child of a governor or senator pretty much guarantees you a spot in your parent’s alma mater – I mean George W. Bush is a graduate from Yale – fucking Yale!).
Even though my distain runs deep for your mother Bristol, I wish you all the luck and best wishes in the world, congratulations on a healthy baby, and sincerely hope you learn from the mistakes of your past – I’m not talking about your pregnancy btw…

Attention World!

2009-02-04T08:11:00.002-06:00

No, I haven't quit P-90X, I'm still going strong. Just finished up Week 7 and now am on Week 8 (which is my 'Rest' week, so light weights and more cardio). I deleted all the old posts because let's face it, they were boring as hell. New posts about interesting stuff will be up soon. Possibly today :)

Love Lockdown by Kanye West

2008-12-07T13:59:00.032-06:00

Once upon a time...
God was watching over his people...

His people, too savage to hear or feel Him, ignored Him instead, this made God sad...

Instead, they made up stories about other gods, lesser gods, and gods that never existed - this made God's people the same...

They made music and art and songs that celebrated their sameness, a drum beat always being played to remind the people to believe in their stories...

One day, a man named Lion Head, heard God speak to him. Lion Head tried to tell his family and friends what he heard but this made him different and his friends and family turned on him...

The drum always beating in the background...

But Lion Head knew how important it was for his friends and family to know the truth, that they're stories were only stories and that God was sad. "Go away!" they screamed but Lion Head would not...The things Lion Head would say, made the people angry, so they decided to make Lion Head go away forever, but Lion Head was fast and could run away...

Especially when the people used their hunting tools on him and not the animals that fed them...

God could only watch, the choices made by all his people, were their's and their's alone to make...

Besides, God had other worries, darker worries...

Because never far from God, were the priestesses, the temptresses that guarded the stories, and spoke them louder, to block out God's humble voice...

For the priestesses were crafty, they only used the most beautiful and enchanting in their innermost circles, to entice the masses, to lock them in...

Even Lion Head and his followers had to stop and watch, even they could forgot the real God and fall in love with the stories again...

The priestesses were really pretty after all...

So pretty in fact, that no one noticed a space ship, flying off into the sky...

But the drums were nice to listen to...

And the dancing looked fun...

So much fun in fact, after awhile, the disciples of Lion Head forgot about him and could only hear the drums and see the dancing, so they began to dance...

With everyone jumping and dancing, God was pushed into a corner and guarded, for his own safety of course...

And because God wasn't heard from, everyone was the same again...

Even Lion Head...

Couldn't resist the dancing, the drumming or the priestesses...

Just then, the aliens on the ship, or the "other gods" as they were known by the people, decided to see what all the commotion was about; it was too much for Lion Head, and soon he was dancing the dance of the lesser gods too...

The lesser gods enticed the people with the dance they showed their ancestors long ago...

The dance, the drums, and the other gods too powerful to stop, leaves God tired and leads us right back to where he was in the beginning, once upon a time...

Hope you enjoyed the story, watch it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xiRX6Gk5ym8

Bits'N'Pieces: Church

2008-11-09T17:36:00.005-06:00

I am trying something different here, I guess this is a memory or an excerpt out of the book that is my life and perhaps maybe yours. I don't know why I write as if thousands upon thousands of people are reading this but I'm going to think positively and hope for the best. Hopefully this will become a somewhat regular addition to the purple monkey and hopefully it will become something....I dunno, awesome.

Bits'N'Pieces: Church

..."Jesus there are a lot of people" Tata says, Mama giggles at the unintentional joke, he smiles back at her saying "I'll drop you guys off at the front and park." We get out of the Oldsmobile, I take in the big gulp of gasoline exahust and hurry up the steps, it's cold outside. I hold the door for Mama and my brothers and a few others as they smile at the cute kid stuck holding the door open, trying to keep a strong face despite the cold and despite his closeness to warm up.

"I got it, go to your Mama" some man says as he sees the neurotic fear in my eyes that I might lose her. I run up even more stairs, grab her hand and tippy toe to put my hand in the Holy Water, feeling the luke warm, almost oily feel of the warm blessed water, damp my forehead, chest, shoulders and finally my other hand. The smell of incense fills my nose, strong and bitter, like gasoline. We find a seat, other people shuffle down the aisle, making way for Mama and her children and we're seated.

She unzips my coat and the mittens attached fling off my hands one by one followed by me kneeling to pray like I was taught to do; instead smelling the dull varnished pews and bitter incense. The whole wooden church looks like its glowing, like the few chunks of wood left after a fire, glowing that bright and dirty orange, slowly going out until they are only a few embers.

"How can the church be so dark and bright at the same time" I think to myself without really thinking it. I lean my head against Mama's arm, smelling her perfume and make up, bitter and strong and feel the softness of her fur coat. It's cold from us being outside for those few bitter seconds while we were dropped off at the front, but I'll warm it up and it'll stick to my face when I pull away. I turn around, it's okay because Mass hasn't started yet and see Tata, standing in the back, I wave and smile, he waves back hurriedly, hoping his kid will behave himself. I sit back, lean against Mama, finally having warmed up a bit"...

Mixed Feelings

2008-11-05T08:52:00.004-06:00

Yesterday Barack Obama made history. In a clear sweep, the 44th President of the United States of America was elected and the throngs of people in the streets partying, kissing, cheering, dancing, singing and praying only mimic the immense joy I feel. Even as a Canadian, I am proud that one day I will be able to tell my children that I was alive when I witnessed history in the making. When I heard Jon Stewart cut off Stephan Colbert and annouce that Barack Obama has been elected the President of the United States, I think I was finally able to let go of that breath that I was holding in all day on November 4th, 2008.

Along with a Democrat in the White House, they also control the Senate and the House of Representatives meaning the years to come will be years in which laws and acts are actually passed and not a deadlock between warring factions. No more vetoes, progress will finally start again. America, you're sensible cousin from the Great White North could not be prouder of you! You've finally told the world "WE DON'T WANT TO BE HATED ANYMORE!". The cheers and the tears shed are only the start to the great example I truly feel you will set for the rest of the world.

So why would I have mixed feelings? Well an anomaly occurred in the great state of California. California was one of the four key states that essentially locked it in that Barack Obama would become the first African-American President of the United States of America. They are now (most likely) the first state to grant homosexual couples the right to marry and then take it away from them.

Proposition 8 will most likely pass, amending the constitution of California and defining marriage as a union between one man and one woman. Barack Obama was not in favour of same-sex marriage, a position he himself has claimed he may change once he becomes more educated in the matter, but pubicly denounced the hateful propisition. As did Joe Biden, Vice-President elect, as did Nancy Pelosi, Speaker of the House and Representative of the State of California.

Why would I make a stink about this now after one of the greatest day in American History? Because of Mr. Obama's victory speech:

"If there is anyone out there who still doubts that America is a place where all things are possible; who still wonders if the dream of our founders is alive in our time; who still questions the power of our democracy, tonight is your answer.…Its the answer spoken by young and old, rich and poor, Democrat and Republican, black, white, Latino, Asian, Native American, gay, straight, disabled and not disabled - Americans who sent a message to the world that we have never been a collection of Red States and Blue States: we are, and always will be, the United States of America."

I actually teared up a little. The President-elect of the United States, in my mind, a homophobic country, mentioned the gay community in his victory speech after learning he had been elected the 44th President of the United States of America!

A small gesture, sure. But a small gesture that speaks volumes. This man has made the gay community a point off a check list. A reason to hold your tongue should you have nothing nice to say. Gay kids watching this speech in their living rooms with homophobic parents sitting beside them know they have a president that not only acknowledges them but respects them. It's a shame that the people, the ignorant, hateful people of California (yes, that goes equally to the white community that didn't vote for Obama and to the black community that voted against Proposition 8 because of their delicate sensibilities) could not heed the words of Martin Luther King Jr when he said:

I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed:

'We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal.'

I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia, the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood.

I have a dream that one day even the state of Mississippi, a state sweltering with the heat of injustice, sweltering with the heat of oppression, will be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice.

I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.

Florida and Arizona have now passed the same hateful laws, banning same-sex marriage, with Florida going that further hateful step of not even allowing civil unions, common-law partnerships or anything remoteful similar to a same-sex marriage to exist. Arkansas approved a measure to stop unmarried couples from adopting or fostering children that are in dire need of stable homes - gay people being their number one target.

So to all the hateful, ignorant, stupid people, black and white, that voted against the teachings and sensibilities of Obama (yes even if did in fact vote for Obama) shame on you. It's because of you that thousands of people will have mixed feelings on what should be the happiest day in America's history.

Congratulations Mr. Obama, I sincerely hold in my heart faith that you will turn your country around, that because of you, the ridiculous laws in Arizona, Florida, California and many other states will one day be laughed at in history classrooms. Just as children let their jaws drop when they learned of "a time" when black people could not sit at the same restaurants that white people sat at or that black people could not marry white people or that white people, in the darkest times of your country's history, owned black people, I know the impact you'll make on your country will one day have children dropping their jaws when they learn of "a time" when two people, who love one another, could not marry because of their gender.

Once again, Congratulations Mr. President!

Rosie O'Donnell is a Pig

2008-10-31T08:33:00.006-05:00

My disdain for Rosie O'Donnell is no surprise. It's caused some rifts with people, some conversations with others and some surprises from the rest. Jamie, along with many others, has always been a supporter of hers, loved her on The View (oddly enough that's when I began to despise her) and defends her when the shit hit-tith the fan-ith. But I loathe her.

I didn't always, I loved her talked show, when she had Chris Rock, Mel Gibson, Danny Glover and Rene Russo on, it was by far one of the funniest moments on television. When she came out, people just accepted it because they loved her talk show (and rightfully so, it really was a great talk show). She opened the doors for Ellen, for Rachael Maddow and for many other women of the Sapphic nature to not be afraid and to come out loud and proud; something all gay people need, a role model. It's just a shame she is no longer a role model but a vile hypocrite that brings bile up to my throat at the mere mention of her name.

Why am I so filled with rage against her? It's funny you should ask. In case it's too much trouble to hit the link, essentially, she donated money to a Republican (Bob Dole's wife, Liddy or Lizzy or some junk) for President and no money to California's No on Prop 8. For those living on Mars, a vote of yes on Proposition 8 would ban same-sex marriage in California, amending their constitution and writing hate-speech into their laws. For those living on Pluto, Rosie O'Donnell got married in California to her partner of years (a partner she is raising children with no less) and wonderfully stated to the crowd gathered outside that courthouse "Liberty and justice for all". Truly moving, truly beautiful. I actually felt happy for her despite not particularly liking her at the time.

When asked by many, many bloggers why she hasn't donated a penny to a cause that she herself took advantage of she claimed (on her MySpace) some lame ass excuse, and I'm paraphrasing here, "There's too much noise buzzing around and I would like a clear head on Nov 4th". REALLY? THAT'S the best you can do? I am just waiting for the fake apology of "I'm sorry you feel I'm a hypocrite..." like she did when she made fun of asians on The View (she stretched her eyes) and said speaking Chinese was like saying "Ching-CHONG-Ching-CHONG". When asians, gay-asians and everyone on the planet told her "WHOA, Rosie, boundaries girl" she pulled out that fake apology quicker than Ken Strkyer pulls out his elephantine dick telling some twink to suck it. She was sorry for us, the viewers, if we took offense but she herself felt nothing wrong with what she said. That was strike 1.

Then on The View again she lamblasted Kelly Ripa, calling her homophobic for saying to Clay Aiken when he put his hand over her mouth "Whoa, buster (sic), I don't know where that hand's been". Kelly, God blezzle her, called into the show and called Rosie on her obvious bullshit. One, Clay wasn't "out" then, meaning Rosie was doing the disservice by essentially outing someone when they weren't ready (this is a big no-no for us gays, we all have our inner demons to battle, and the biggest one is the 'not being accepted as I am' to our family and friends when we come out) and hello, it's Kelly freakin' Ripa. She's a fag hag! She's a girl I would love to go out for a couple of drinks with, tell her how delicious her husband is and have her call me the next day making fun of my drunk rambling about how delicious her husband is. But again, Rosie, called on her bullshit, outing someone when they weren't ready, and playing the "GAAAAAAAAAAAH, I'M A LESBIAN AND DEEMING SOMETHING HOMOPHOBIC SO YOU MUST AGREE WITH ME, OR ELSE!!!!11!one!!" card, gave us that fake apology of "I'm sorry you felt....". That was strike 2.

And now stupid, piggy Rosie has not donated one cent* to stop same-sex marriage bans in the state she got her SAME-SEX MARRIAGE all because the "noise" of this gives her stupid head a headache. But giving money to a Republican canadidate for President, yeah that's cool. (Note: I don't know what Liddy Dole stands for, nor do I care, same-sex marriage could be banned in California in as little as 4 days, Liddy Dole's bid for Presidency is, at least, 4 years away). That's strike 3.

I mean my God, even Ellen, who had her wedding in California of this year, after a little pushing, finally stood up and defended her HUMAN RIGHT to marry the love of her life.

My God, my mother can now watch Ellen and not smirk or change the channel when DeGeneres mentions her wife, or her wedding or "call me crazy, but I think we're all equal, gay or straight and as such deserve the same rights". My mom is the same woman that gaffawed at Melissa Ethridge thanking her wife, Tammy Lyn Michaels, for sticking by her during her chemo treatments for breast cancer. MY MOTHER is showing the slightest signs of acceptance!

So Rosie, this is for you, you're a pig. Not because some would say you're big-boned (you're not) but because you wallow in the shit you created. Shame on you.

*For those that will call me on my 'bullshit' and ask me how much I donated to No on Prop 8, I tried, it doesn't have a field to click in if you live outside of the States, which I do.

Congratulations Doctor

2008-10-10T12:00:00.006-05:00

Today Dr. Henry Morgentaler received the Order of Canada from Governor General Michaelle Jean for his tireless works to promote the rights of women in Canada. Of these rights, he held none higher than a women's right to a safe abortion; his receiving the order has been lambasted by some who believe awarding the honour to an abortionist sullies the reputation of the Order of Canada. Well good riddance to those people who have returned their award, you will not be missed.

The history of Dr. Morgentaler can be viewed here, so I won't fill this post with the details. There is something I would like to say to people, specifically the women, out there that do not want to see Dr. Morgentaler receive the award. Ladies, clutch your lower abdomen right now and realize that it's yours because of this man.

I'm going to break down the right to choose so that everyone understands what it means. It is the right to to have a choice about something to do. The act of the abortion is the end result of a decision made but actually has very little to do with the laws Dr. Morgentaler helped enable in this wonderful country. It is so very infuritating when I hear women talk bad about a man that has used his whole medical career to help them in the first place. If you don't want an abortion, then don't have one; what right does one person have to tell another what they should and in extreme cases must do? It all falls under the veil of religion.

I have never met an atheist pro-lifer but I have, amazingly enough, found religious pro-choicers. These people are able to think rationally and understand that most women would not have an abortion because it is such a final decision in the matter and human beings have never liked finality, but they understand that in some situations (various reasons run the gamut from rape/incest, the women's health, the mother being far too young, the stigma in some regions of having a child out of wedlock and of course simply because some women just don't want to have children) abortions are not only required but a right to have them safely.

Bottom line, if you don't want an abortion then do not have one; your right to have one has absolutely no baring on your choice to have to one (or not have one). It really boils down to that - I care not for your bleeding hearts or your myths about your god that tells you it's wrong or the gross misunderstanding you have about a women's right to choose. But to tell someone else that they must do what you say because of a book or (and here's the sexist part) because of what a man has said is final, you become the worst kind of person to exist - a betrayer to your own kind.

Congratulations Dr. Morgentaler, you're a proud Canadian that makes this guy proud to be Canadian.

Which Side Do You Fall Under?

2008-10-08T10:57:00.000-05:00

See Religulous.

Good points: It’s awesome

Bad points: In outing the stupidity of zealous religious people, Bill Maher comes across as a zealous unreligious person, ironically becoming that which he disagrees with.

Seriously though the man is a genius. I use to watch his show “Politically Incorrect” when I was a devout Catholic years ago and I would curse and scream because I was offended by what he would say and that he would dismiss points, from a Catholic perspective, about why I believed what I believed, just to come across as the smarter one.

And it should be told he does come across as pretty smug in Religulous but looking at it now it’s because the overtly religious are, well, nut jobs.

And I mean the OOOOOOOOOVERTLY religious, the fundamentlists, be it Muslim, Christian, Jewish – they all have pretty wacky beliefs that are so baseless it’s laughable. Talking snakes, chanting for death to infidels, or being risen from the dead to storm a temple – the amount of times I gasped while watching because you have grown men and women talking utter nonsense and keeping a straight face was so scary it was funny.

But the main point of the movie was that Bill Maher firmly believes that if humanity is to become enlightened, “reach for the stars” (figuratively and literally) if you will, and wants to transcend what it is now and become a positive force on it’s planet and in the universe, we have to do away with religion. And I agree.

Religion is divisive because it teaches divisive doctrines. Being called “God’s Chosen People” or being “Saved” immediately implies that there are some that are not God’s Chosen People or some that are not Saved and in his good graces. If humanity is to push forward and stop the horrors of the world it needs to eliminate the idea of “Us vs. Them”, something which is propagated by religion.

I understand the other notion would be to accept everyone’s faith – but what if Faith A vehemently tells you that Faith B is wrong and evil and should be stopped? What if one tenet of Faith B tells you to murder the non-Faith-B’ists? What happens when someone wants to take the good tenets from Faith A and B and create Faith C?

I can usually be quoted as saying “Hey do and believe what you want in private but in public keep that aspect of your life to yourself and I’ll do the same and we’ll get along just merrily”. But there is something fundamentally wrong with that statement when someone’s private beliefs are unjust – even when that belief is held by the majority. Allowing unjust beliefs to flourish only slows the progress of humanity. It’s a paradox really, I’m supposed to allow someone the right to believe whatever they want even if that belief or system of beliefs is detrimental to humanity. That doesn’t make sense.

The rights of women, the rights of the LGBT community, the rights of children, and the rights of minorities all exist because way back in the dark ages the majority felt it necessarily to a) hamper these rights and b) force a divide between various peoples. There shouldn’t have to be momentous occasions allowing black men and women the right to vote or for gays to get married because these rights are inherent. They exist even if 100% of the population is against them; and the reason anyone would be against some rights is religion.

I guess it’s a question of all or nothing. You either support everyone’s right to religion knowing that religion could hamper the progress of humankind or you support no one’s rights to religion. The latter, no one wants to even consider, because it may be needed if we’re all to survive one another; the former is the nice cop-out that keeps us in a rut.

Which side do you fall under?

Ask and Tell

2008-10-01T11:26:00.005-05:00

So...I don't get it. I'm never one to discuss military politics because, well, my scope of both of those subjects is fairly limited and influence by the media in which I tune into. But something that has never sat right with me is the bullshit excuse of why gays, lesbian, bisexual and transgenered men and women cannot serve openly in the US armed forces.

When you wikipedia Don't Ask, Don't Tell you'll learn that the Bill was passed under then-president Bill Clinton (!) to appeal to the right-wingers of the States. Before DADT, a GLBT person would have to be completely quiet about his/her orientation, any relationships or any stories pertaining to a same-sex union. Otherwise some douchebag that didn't get along with you, could walk on over to your superior officer, tell him/her what you heard and boom - dishonorable discharge. Meaning no pension, no monies (for your time served), nothing. Some (douchebags) will argue "Why does a gay person have to discuss their private life in a platoon in the first place?" - well from my understanding, from my cousin, who is currently in Afghanistan now, um, people talk. People also get bored and when they get bored, they do this nifty thing where they engage in conversation and try to find similiarities to build camaraderie and make the boring times pass quickly. So if you're a 'mo, it becomes quiet difficult to censor your stories or carefully refer to the his's as her's and the he's as she's, all the time. Hence it's just easier to be honest (different between honest and graphic - just like I don't like to know the inner workings of my lady friends lady parts as told by my straight guy friends, they don't like to hear the inner workings of how great I am at fellatio) and refer to a boyfriend as a boyfriend and not a girlfriend.

So what Slick Willy meant to do was say "Alright, douchebags, we have a lot of people that are fine soldiers and fine workers for the Armed Forces of the US of A and we need them, so I'm going to allow them in *uproar starts from douchebags* BUT they cannot talk about their privates lives, even in off time, to calm your ignorant nerves. " So it's not the best solution at all but it's definately a better solution than what was the current course of action.
Proponents of DADT claim that:

Homosexuality is incompatible with military service. The presence in the military environment of persons who engage in homosexual conduct or who, by their statements, demonstrate a propensity to engage in homosexual conduct, seriously impairs the accomplishment of the military mission. The presence of such members adversely affects the ability of the armed forces to maintain discipline, good order, and morale; to foster mutual trust and confidence among service members; to insure the integrity of the system of rank and command; to facilitate assignment and worldwide deployment of service members who frequently must live and work in close conditions affording minimal privacy; to recruit and retain members of the armed forces; to maintain the public acceptability of military service; and to prevent breaches of security.

Christ Jeebuz! Homosexuals don't even talk about homosexuals as much as these proponents do! Which brings me to my first sentence of this post...So...I don't get it. How does Larry, while having a beer at a bar with his squadron, saying something to the effect of "Went on a date last week, he was nice, but no spark really, I think we'll probably just end up as friends" suddenly cause the straight men and women of his platoon to go batshitcrazy and forget their discipline, forget their orders, forget their training? Seriously. It's gay-panic at it's worst.

Gay-panic - used by gay-bashers to place blame on the victim. I'm not kidding. It's a claim, used in court, that states the straight basher was so put off and scared by the gay-victim's advances that he lost his sanity temporarily and beat the victim. This is real. Now I know gay men (and woman and transgendered and bisexuals to be inclusive) are not as inhibited as our straight brothers and sisters out there, where as straight people are all coy and demure and slick when trying to bag their conquest, a gay man can make eye contact with another gay man, smile, if the smile is returned, can walk right up to him and say "I WANT TO FUCK! YOU IN?" and it's easy as that (thank you Jamie for the joke :) But sometimes straight guys are approached by gay guys and the gay guy can be pretty insistent and quite the douchebag. This is all that needs to be said, as said by my friend, Bren:

Gay douchebag: "So can I buy you a drink?"
Bren: "Aw, thanks but I'm one of those breeders Darek was talking about" (I was up on stage with the Drag Queen and most of my party were straighties and since I was drunk, I pointed this fact out)
Gay douchebag: *inches in closer* "So? Your point?"
Bren then laughed nervously and walked to Jen G and gave her a hug or put his arm around her or something I dunno, I was too drunk to remember the rest of the story.

But you see?! You see the professionalism, the etiquette, the fucking calm Bren had up until gay douchebag because a total douchebag? Bren doesn't suffer from gay-panic, hell he's even let a bunch of 20 year old gay-gays take his picture at Buddies (with them in it) because the birthday boy of that bunch thought he was cute. He then wished that guy a 'Happy Birthday' and began dancing with Jen (his Jen this time) a little provacatively to just get the message across that he was flattered but straight as can be and happy that way. Again, do you see the awesomeness that straight people can be when it comes to gay people? Do you see how Brendan didn't lose his shit, storm out of the bar and punch some filipino twink in the face on his way out because he was so scared of the gays?

To claim that because I'm gay, all 140 pounds of me, I have this inherent chaotic panic-inducing psychosis that could disrupt the mission, cause treason, endanger lives and let the bad guys win is offensive and just utterly ridiculous.

America, do your country proud, follow in the footsteps of Canada (yes your Liberal Hippy cousin of the North), Israel, Germany, Italy, the UK, Switzerland and Australia, and vote in a President that will look at the character and skills of those in the Armed Forces and not who they try to pick up at a bar.

(Pssst....I'm talking about Barack Obama)

I Protect Marriage

2008-09-24T12:57:00.008-05:00

I Protect Marriage

California is on the cusp of doing something really, really remarkable. Oh wait, it has already done something truly remarkable – it’s letting the gays get married. Awesome possum. A civil marriage can be done in as little as five minutes with an officiate and a few witnesses so that couples who have been together for 15, 20, 30 years can just “get it over with” because well, they’re approaching the age where their partner may need them to be their power of attorney and make difficult decisions for them if they are not in the right mind to do so. Think about that for a second, loving someone so much you’ll let them decide whether or not you should be kept on life support or if a radical new procedure should be tried on you in the hopes to save your life. Straight people get this right the second they are married (legally), gay people have to beg, plead, hope their partner’s family is accepting of them, and pray they are not in an anti-gay state or city so that a hospital will have some compassion on them and allow them to see their dying partner in the last minutes of their life. This is not fair.

So I thought I was done my ranting and raving about how it’s completely idiotic to deny marriage to two people because they are the same gender after my beautiful country said “yeah Darek, you’re right, my bad” and allowed me to get hitched. But with our own federal election coming up, talks that the conservative government may bring back the same-sex marriage debate (again!) and fears that we may get a majority conservative government – it’s time, once again to slap idiots in the face via my blog and show them they are wrong for thinking the way they do – and awaaaaaaay we go!

www.iprotectmarriage.com is the latest initiative by the religious-right pretending to simply be conservative minded people to get young people to vote yes on Prop 8 – the legislation that would ban same-sex marriage in California. The site is completely full of shit but I found great joy in their “decide for yourself” quiz which asks eight questions about whether or not gays should be allowed to get married. If your answer agrees with the nonsense they spew, you get a pop up of a young person telling you “good for you” and a scary “fact” to hit the point home that gays will eat your babies and dance in the river of blood that will flood your suburban streets when you allow a gardener and an interior designer the right to file a tax return together. If your answer has common sense then you are berated and asked stupid questions that don’t really relate to the issue at hand.

Here are the questions:

1. Should two people who love each other have the right to get married?

If you answer yes, ugly dude and girl with weird nose comes and asks if they have the right to marry their mothers or sisters or fathers because they love them. As soap operas have shown us for decades, there is a difference between being in love with someone and loving someone. Also gay-marriage isn’t about polygamy, incest, pedophilia, bestiality, necrophilia, it’s about gay-marriage, allowing two consenting adults to conduct their lives as they wish in a legal manner.
The funny thing is, if you answer no, you essentially get the same response from ugly dude and girl with weird nose, but with a different word here and there. Instead of “I love my mom, but does that mean I can marry her if I wish?” you get “Right. I love my mom, but that doesn’t mean I can marry her if I wish”
It’s also the sneaky tactic of the questioning – the question itself doesn’t address the issue at hand – can any two people get married if they wish? Of course not, what if one is dead and the other a child? What if they both have the same parents? These situations (which have nothing to do with homosexuality and gay rights) are illegal and wrong. Being gay and wanting the country you pay taxes to, to recognize that, isn’t wrong.

2. Is it fair that judges can overturn the majority vote of the people?

Short hand answers – if you say no, you can get a thumbs up from brown dude, if you say yes, he asks “what’s the point of voting then?”

But this question holds A LOT more weight then some would think. There is loads of difference between legal and unjust. Something that is “legal” (voted in by the majority in a democratic society) can still be unjust. Case in point, interracial marriages – people voted that legislation into law but they are still wrong for doing so; not misguided, not conservative, not racist (well ok, yes they were/are racist) they are wrong to have done that. Issues that are unjust will always be unjust regardless of their legality. An unjust issue is unjust because of its nature; a legal (or illegal) issue is legal (or illegal) because of the will of the people. People are flawed by design, by upbringing, by chance, and by many more factors.

The issue of gay-marriage is an issue of justice, not law. It’s is wholly unjust to tell a couple of adults they do not have the same rights as another couple of adults because the majority will back them up on the issue (especially when back-up is provided by hateful, religious rhetoric). Again for those set up to start about incest and pedophilia and bestiality, refer to question 1.

3. Do you think it’s fair to teach a first grader the alternative lifestyle?

Short answer – if you say yes, sorrowful Chinese lady comes with sorrowful Chinese voice and warns about the dangers of telling first graders there are gays amongst us; if you answer no, she tells you you’re right and then uses another scare-fact-tactic telling you of the horrors that some first graders ARE told that there are gays among us.

What sorrowful Chinese lady doesn’t realize (well actually I’m sure she does, she’s a sneaky cog in their religious-right’s fear-tactic machine) is that a first grader’s education about homosexuality will not involve an in-depth discussion including dental dam regarding my lesbian sisters or douching regarding my gay brothers. It will involve one or two story books about a couple of male penguins rescuing an egg and raising it together or about a King that prefers princes to princesses followed by a 5 minute talk by the teacher that “while most men like women and women like men, there are some men who like men and some women who like women – and there’s nothing wrong with that”.
But again it’s the fear and banking on that young people are stupid that this website is trying to strike it rich with. Prove them wrong young people of Cali, prove them wrong!

4. Do you think its discrimination for a church to refuse to marry a gay couple?

If you answer no, preacher brown man comes up and says “absolutely right, we’re just practicing our religious right to blah blah blah” and if you answer yes he essentially calls you a hypocrite and blah blah blah.
Gay people want LEGAL recognition of marriage. Not religious-recognized marriage. We never have. If a church won’t marry us, we most likely won’t be part of that church or push to get married in that church. It’s entirely different if the church itself brings up the issue because it’s doing so from questions being thrown its way en masse.
I always think of this argument like one of those awful sitcoms sketches where the gay character says he’s not interested in the straight character and then the straight character is kinda offended because he thinks he’s the shit so what’s wrong with him that a gay dude doesn’t wanna perform a Spanish lawnmower on him? Really churches, it’s not you, it’s us, you’re just not our type…*awkward silence*

5. Is it fair for schools to teach the consequences of the heterosexual way of life but not the alternative lifestyle?

I can’t really give you a short hand answer to picking yes or no because I can’t tell what the political-right answer is. But the contradictions present in this question are outstanding. So we shouldn’t be teaching kids about gay people but we should be teaching them about the STD’s gay people can catch? How will kids know what diseases/infections gay people can catch if they don’t know what gay people are?

Anyways slightly attractive guy pops up and informs everyone that men ages 16-25 have the greater risk of contracting HIV (false – also look at his eyes, he’s clearly reading from a cue card) and that 53% of patients that acquired HIV are gay or bisexual men. So in other words 47% of patients that contracted HIV are not gay or bisexual men. Can I then assume it’s pretty much a 50/50 chance of catching HIV regardless of your gender or orientation? What’s the point then?

HIV is primarily a male-disease, specifically men who engage in unsafe sex practices (this does not mean homosexual practices). Men who are on the “downlow” (typically black men who are too ashamed of their orientation, they put up the front of heterosexuality but yearn for dong and cheat on their women with men and contract something), closeted men, stupid gay/bisexual men and men who have been cheated on by their partner and caught something from them.

But why do these men do what they do? Maybe because society is telling them they are different and something is wrong with them and if they don’t change or at least hide who they are, then rights will be taken away from, child custody will be awarded to the state, and their families will shun them? Wouldn’t it then therefore make sense that children (yes first graders) should be educated that there is nothing wrong with being gay and something very wrong with cheating and engaging in unsafe sex practices (the sex talk can be had a later age, obviously)?

It’s the implied correctness of the question that is so goddamn sneaky it makes me sick! The “consequences” of the “alternative” lifestyle are essentially the same as the consequences of the heterosexual lifestyle – the answer to both is education and acceptance and not forcing religious doctrine down the throats of students in the guise of political discussion and/or science.

6. Do you think its “okay” to say that same-sex marriage is wrong?

If you say yes, Asian looking girl pops up really quickly and says “you’re awesome, neither do I; we’re all entitled to our own opinion”. If you say no, you would think that the exact same response would pop up, but instead you get Asian looking girl asking if it was “love” when a GLBT director of an AIDS organization referred to AIDS as a gay disease and that loving someone means to warn them.

I’m not exactly sure why she’s a) talking about love (the question asks if it’s “okay”) and b) warn me against what? I don’t think I have ever had one of my friends say, after I came out to them, “Well Darek, watch out, gays like to stalk along trees and fall on you when you walk underneath, always walk with an umbrella”.

HIV/AIDS is a disease that has afflicted many, many people and is particularly close to the gay community (especially in the states) because the Reagan administration took EIGHT YEARS before finally acknowledging that HIV/AIDS was something to worry about. Just like breast cancer is primarily a woman’s disease, just like prostate cancer is a man’s disease, HIV/AIDS is a gay person’s disease. We associate with the pain it’s caused and the pain caused to us because of certain peoples lack of response to an epidemic.

By the way Asian looking girl, you’re a cunt.

7. Some Prop 8 supporters preach about Jesus and God’s love isn’t it hypocritical to be against two people in love getting married?

If you say yes, Filipina pops up and says, very sorrowfully, “if you’re going to bring Jesus into this…” – OH NO HO’! I didn’t bring Jesus into anything, YOU asked ME. Anyways she continues on to say that Jesus told people to love God, which means to tell people to obey God (the Christian God of course, that silly Vishnu or Allah nonsense doesn’t mean a thing) and by bringing someone into your life, it’s your job (according to Jeebus) to help them obey God. She ends with saying Jesus says marriage was meant for one man and one woman and thats how we can obey God. But the thing is…he never said that. I’m going by the King James version, you know, the first version to be translated into English. Now I think the Bible is full of crap and due to it’s many, many re-translations, you can’t really trust what it says (but it’s cool that it tells people to just chill and love each other and God, I guess) but Jesus, according to the King James version (in the New Testament), never ONCE mentions a word about homosexuality.

He mentions a lot of sexual deviants, perverts, necrophiliacs, incest, bestiality and molesters but never one word about homosexuals. If was the puritans and their forefathers that added the word “homosexual” to this list because they assumed that’s what God meant (and I’m giving them the benefit of the doubt here, I personally think they just added the word in to be hateful cunt rags). I should know I spent weeks in my chapel (before coming out), holding back tears, hoping I wouldn’t find a negative word about homosexuals said by Jesus, when I was in high school and I didn’t. Sorry Christians, I’m going to have to trump your interpretation of the Bible with mine, since my upbringing’s older :p

If you say no, Filipina pops up and equates that since her parents may love her completely, they don’t approve of her completely and same thing with Jesus. But um, that’s a cop-out no? ESPECIALLY when the thing which is being sought for approval is something you were BORN WITH, something Jesus made you born with? Oh wait, Christians don’t believe that, so with that, we’re onto question 8…

8. Do you think the struggle for interracial marriages in the 50’s and 60’s are equal to the struggle of same-sex marriage today?

If you answer no, white-washed black girl, whom I’ll call, oh let’s use, Tiffany, says “great answer”. She’s wearing pink and glasses and her hair is straight, so hey, as a white dude, it’s hip that she agrees me, yaaaaaaaaaay acceptance by the black community!

If you answer yes, Tiffany and other black girl pop up and whine and sulk about how they were born black and other black girl says how she can’t be counseled out of her “blackness” (she’s really black everyone, she has a white tank top on and her hair is in a short ponytail). She also claims that gays go into therapy and achieve “results”. Then Tiffany comes up and says how it’s offensive to compare our identical struggles for acceptance because, well, they aren’t identical and I chose my lifestyle while she didn’t choose that ugly that top…I mean her ethnicity.

So here we go – guess what bitches, our struggles are they same, why? Because your grandfather would have been lynched or had bricks thrown at him or denied the right to sit in café (regardless if it were designated for “coloreds” or “whites”) if he loved a white woman. Guess what would happen to gay people, if they wanted to publically express their love, at the time of your grandfathers? And I don’t mean butt-sex in front of kindergarteners or snow balling in front of a church – I mean holding hands while window shopping or a kiss goodbye at the airport.

It is absolutely infuriating when straight conservative religious people tell me and thousands upon thousands of other gay people that I chose my orientation. I usually shoot back with “then give me the date you chose your heterosexual orientation” and the thing is, they can’t. Because they never chose this. Ergo, they were born that way, ergo I was born this way, ergo your faith is telling you a lie (You’re not born a gay, you’re born again) ergo you have to make the decision to rethink your faith. That’s the underlying issue, a cowardice in holding to an incorrect faith because of what it’ll mean or embracing the fact that hey "John likes Larry and Christina likes Mary and George likes Cheryl" and everyone of those combinations plus many more are fine and I don’t really need to stress about this issue because well my country is going bankrupt fighting an illegal war.

So American Californian youth, sit back and look, really, really look at the state of the world, at Massachusetts, at Vermont, at Canada, at the Netherlands, at Spain and see if their societies have been destroyed or if up is down or if God has destroyed them and think, really think, that perhaps what two consenting adults do in the privacy of their own homes is their business and none of yours and how utterly offensive it is for them to now have to ask (read: beg) you to let them go about their lives. Be part of a history that makes positive change in the society you will only be a part of for 80 years; it’s the only way to ensure your immortality.

Oh. My. Gawd...

2008-09-24T08:20:00.002-05:00

So I can't believe I was right!
Thanks Clay Aiken now all we have to do is wait for Ricky Martin to come around and I'm 2 for 2!

HONK!

2008-09-23T10:44:00.003-05:00

I really loathe bad drivers. And this is by no way an attack at new drivers. Worlds of difference between bad drivers and new drivers. New drivers are essentially not-the-best drivers by default; since you haven’t driven that much before you can’t possibly be expected to be the best behind the wheel the second you get your license (or as my mother would call it li-sness). Hence you drive to become a better driver; there’s an unwritten rule that you get out of the way of people on the road that are new drivers (driving with an instructor) because you’ve been there and you remember how nervous you were behind the wheel. We’ve all been new drivers at one point in our lives, we all have to learn to become adjusted to the ways of the road, the unwritten rules that drivers go by, and well practice really does make perfect – the more a new driver drives, the better that driver becomes at driving.

But I’m not talking about these brave warriors that are out to mold themselves in the ways of the road. I’m talking about bad drivers. Drivers that do not know how to drive and cannot place themselves in other driver’s shoes. This is key to learning how to drive; before one makes the judgment call to honk his/her horn or yell at someone, you have to see if that other driver is in a predicament. Oddly enough this happens really quickly because an experienced driver can scan the scene and see the other events that are occurring causing someone to not follow the laws and rules of the road.
Take for instance what happened to me this morning on my way to work, as illustrated below (click to enlarge image):

Now I was in the left turn lane (which I forgot to draw in) waiting to turn left to get to work. The man who I’ve called driver that made a mistake tried to make it past the intersection (green light, he had the right of way to make it through) and he had to have guessed incorrectly as to how much space he or the car in front of him had to pass the intersection safely and ended up in the middle of the intersection (big no-no, automatic fail on a driving exam). Fine, this happens all the time and DTMAM saw I was waiting for him to get out of my way and inched up as much as he could to give me as much space as I needed to try and make my left turn. Typically what happens at this intersection is that the oncoming traffic stops at the green lights (because they can’t safely pass the intersection due to the traffic being stopped at the red light of the oncoming intersection, which is what you’re suppose to do – in other words, if you’ve found yourself stopped in the middle of an intersection, you’re in the wrong).

Now I still can’t make my left turn because the right lane of oncoming traffic still has room to move and safely pass this congested intersection and are whipping down the road at around 70 km/h. So I’m stuck with DTMAM in the middle of the intersection, me wanting to make my left turn and cars still whipping by the next lane over.

Suddenly I hear a honk. I thought it was an accident but then I hear it again. It’s the person I’ve designated as idiot. Now even though Idiot may not be able to see everything that is going on, she continues to honk and then gives me “ugly-driver-what-are-you-doing-slash-whats-wrong-with-you?” face. I ignore idiot with her ugly face and wait until I can safely make the turn. I do so and when I check my rearview mirror as I’ve made the turn I see that Idiot Ugly Face had to slam on her stupid brakes to avoid getting hit by oncoming cars and got honked at herself. And one of those long HoooOOOOOOOOONK's.

This put a smile on my face and hopefully IUF learned her lesson. Making mistakes while driving is so common is doesn’t even have to be said but sometimes those mistakes result in horrible accidents (I saw three on my way to work this morning), so relax when driving, give the person in front of you the benefit of the doubt, you might learn something* and try not to stress out so much hockey-moms, your latte frappucinos that you must have after you drop off your unloved children at school will still be there a few minutes later.

*I’m well aware I sound pretentious and I fully admit to making mistakes whilst driving and I can even admit that maybe IUF was a new driver but new drivers are reluctant to honk their horns as most are still a little nervous to be on the road on their own, hence, IUF was a dumb-dumb.

Horrible Highways

2008-09-15T21:14:00.006-05:00

I hate driving on Highway 401. I hate it, hate it, hate it a thousand fold. To me it was always the different highway, the highway I avoided at all costs and am always thankful for any chance I get to not drive on it. I never really had a great reasoning behind it besides "It's just busier" until Jamie in all his great driving wisdom said "All highways have a personality and Highway 401's is the worst of the bunch" and he was absolutely right!

Highway 401 is the "Me first" highway. It's not so much "Me first and then we worry about you" it's just "Me first". Someone is entering on an on-ramp and they always speed up, stayin the on-ramp lane until the last second and merge in to pass as many cars as possible. No one lets you in, no one gives you extra space to make your lane change, if you wait that one second too long to do something on the road, it's too late - it's just a horrible experience each and everytime I go on. I remember once I offered to drive to Whirley Ball and I told Bren and Jamie that someone needs to be in the passenger seat to tell me EXACTLY which way to go and how to do it because otherwise I will freak. They didn't believe me until they heard me having a mini-panic attack on the way back home because it was snowing and none of the cars seemed to care! The car was filled with me breathing very heavily out of my nose because I had to keep a clear head to navigate through this murder maze of death that is Canada's Busiest Highway.

Highway 427 - still a "Me first" highway and horribly paved and full of mean Etobicoke bitches and assholes that think they are Toronto drivers and since they are not, they have to overcompensate and be even bigger assholes! But if you out-asshole them in your driving abilities, they chicken out and just honk. Good thing it will be repaved in a few years because it's not so bad.

Gardiner Expressway/Don Valley Parkway - another "Me first" highway but to a lesser degree. I think it's the lack of the Express Lanes that the 401 has but still full of Toronto drivers. The only good thing is that it's also full of suburbanites and we're generally a nicer bunch of drivers.

QEW - A "nice" highway because it's usually jammed with traffic and full of suburbanite drivers. It's only downfall is that this highway isn't very straight, it's curves are HUGE and when driving you always feel it and it is full of trucks which can be pretty terrifying.

Highway 400/403/404/410 - the lesser highways and therefore the very easiest to drive on. Three lanes in either direction, slow, normal and fast and plenty of time to make any changes you want and just nice and relaxing to drive on. Almost fun even!

The moral of this story? Suburbanites rock because we're polite - Urbanites can suck an egg and die for their rudeness and scaring me.

Oh Canadiana!

2008-09-10T10:27:00.003-05:00

Look what I found! Ah sweet nostalgia!

Back Off! Get Your Own Sandwich!

2008-09-09T10:25:00.000-05:00

So I’m sitting here, printing off a bunch of reports for work that are taking an enormous amount of time (color copies) and one of the pages is a picture of this:

The report that I’m printing relates to a project that is a proposal and study determining if an extension of Hwy 407 to the Municipality of Clarington (east of Oshawa) is feasible. It’s quite an undertaking as the project is about 60km of highway and when built there will now be two connections to Hwy 35/115 which aide people commuting to Peterborough, Cottage Country as well as the many cities in between Toronto and Clarington.

As a preparatory course of action, the Ministry of Transportation is going to start expropriating peoples land left, right, and centre in preparation for the future construction. Meaning the guvment is buying people out of their land not at unfair prices but at appraised prices in which the land’s use is determined; land in which houses can be build on will get you the highest value where as land bought just so a road can be built through it will get you market value. Most people are eager to get rid of their land seeing as a highway will be going through it or near enough that it will become a nuisance to live there but some are holding on to their land with every fiber of their being.

The problem with holding onto land bought in Canada is that it’s not really your land. You may have purchased the lot, started a business that thrived and passed it down the generations but all land purchases in Canada come with a “buyer beware” clause – the guvment has every right to take your land because it is there land. You pay taxes to the government so that they can have the monies they need to run the country and it’s encompassing provinces smoothly and efficiently (say we’re living in a dream world where this always happens for arguments sake).

So if a highway needs to be built to take on the build-up of cars and transports on the road (that need is determined through months of studies and the executions of many, many models that calculate the expected build up of populations), you needs to leave! If a hospital is sorely needed and needs to be placed in the centre of a budding Municipality, you needs to leave.

I think my biggest beef with people that tell the guvment to back off is that most of these people are white people. Truly Canadian of course (I’ve never bought that excuse that we are ALL immigrants, children of immigrants are usually acclimated to the country they are raised in not in the household they are raised in) but there’s something somewhat ironic about white people telling the guvment to back off their land when not 200 years ago white people were telling the earliest habitants of that land – “you needs to leave!”

Ask Me!

2008-09-08T21:42:00.003-05:00

Anyone that knows me will tell you I have an unhealthy obesession with advice columnists - whether they are your Dear Abby's of the world or your kinky Dan Savage's - I can't get enough of them. They have the perfect job, if you compile a history of giving grade-A advice you really can't go wrong.

Dear Abby has answered every type of question there is relating to sex-advice (well mild forms) to etiquette to just queries people have about everyday situations. Dan Savage takes the wilder forum and answers questions regarding if it's okay to drink pee or whether or not a beastiphiliac should go into therapy or just move to a very small town with a house that has a big backyard and really tall fences.

I usually agree most of the time with both of these fine, fine people in the advice they give to the thousands of people that write them because I think most problems fall under the mind your own fucking business umbrella except in situations involving family and very close friends. And even then, these two remarkable people know what's appropiate and what's not when trying to discuss sensitive topics involving the family.

Recently Mr. Savage gave some advice to a young a woman in her 20's catching her uncle at a bar with a woman who was not her aunt and hearing her uncle give some lame excuse as to why he was out with another woman. The 20 something year old asked Dan "Do I tell someone? What should I do?" and Mr. Savage gave the very generic answer of "Mind your own fucking business" which I completely disagree with.

But the thing is, I think I am in the minority of people who think this way - every advice columnist I've read that comes across this problem talks about people minding their own business if this situation arises and that sooner or later the truth will come out. But why wait? If I saw my uncle cheating on my aunt, I think it would take all of 5 seconds before I was on the phone with my cousin telling her how her father is a cheating sack of shit.

The reasoning behind most advice columnists is that a) the aunt may know already b) she may not believe you causing a rift in the family c) the uncle may be innocent.

I see problems with any of those reasonings; a) if she does, no harm no foul, she may want you to keep it under wraps, they may have an open relationship they don't want the family to know about, they could be seperating b) that's her problem but at least you've informed her of what's going on, she can do what she wants with that information and c) if he's innocent, he's innocent but in the end he knows he has a niece who will look out for the well being of her family.

The other big problem I have with this is the risk to the aunt's health this causes - she could be at risk of a slew of STD's and scarred for the rest of her life if she knew her family was keeping this from her.

Most advice columnists also follow a simple rule "if that were me, I would most certainly like to know/hear about it/be told" (regarding most situations) and in a situation like the cheating scenario I most definately would want to be told if my partner/husband/boyfriend was cheating on me. In fact I think I would be more hurt by the scenario if I knew my friends/family knew and didn't tell me, putting me at risk at all of the above.

I don't know if I would make a good advice columnist, I know I have a big yap but I like to think I also have a big heart that likes to help those in dire need of common sense or just a shoulder to cry on. So let's hear it, did I give some good advice here or should I stick to what I know, paper folding and creating alignments? I am hereby opening my blog to queries and questions (submit anonymously) for some kick ass advice that I hope helps someone out there :)

Movie Night! Yay!

2008-09-08T09:06:00.004-05:00

Fun times!

Boys Will Be...Girls?

2008-09-07T22:36:00.004-05:00

I heart my friends very much - especially those bunny-hug wearing Saskatchewanians that are MASTERS of Photoshop
:)

Stop and stare everyone!

Another Thing I Like

2008-09-04T17:28:00.005-05:00

Ok, so I know I said goodbye to Big Bacon Classic but I had a slip today - luckily it wasn't BBC, if I have just a taste of that tasty burger all is lost, instead I had Harvey's. But you see I had to do it. My mom called and asked me to pick something up after work - I was going to pick up pho but then all those warnings about Listeriosis got me paranoid and pho places are usually shotty (not that I mind eating from shotty places, I did go to U of T, we'd have eaten anything so long as it were free or cheap) but my mom is 56 and they say listeria usually harms the elderly and I'm not saying she's old but you know...

Anyways, the point is, I'm a hero because I saved my mom from potential harm. So I went to Harvey's , ordered two hamburgers (NO CHEESE!) and got sugar-free drinks; the only real harm in my meal was from the onion rings but considering what a hero I am, I figure I deserve it. Here's where another thing I like comes into play:

Whilst at Harvey's, I was served by the nicest cashier EVER! I don't mean super-duper bubbly or tried to make small talk with me or anything like that - I arrived, he said "Hey man, what can I get you?" I told him my order, a snafu with the Interac machine occurred, he apologized, told me to get my drinks and he'll prepare the food while the system reboots. He started making the food even though I didn't pay for it! This blew my mind because I was so put off cashiers from the Timmy's story.

Ahh, the Timmy's story. So I was with the then-bf at a movie theatre and we got something at the Timmy's there, our total came to $2.90 - we had $2.89 (!) and a $20 bill. We asked the cashier if she would mind taking the $2.89 so we wouldn't have to break the $20 resulting in needless change. Yes I know, the tills must match up at the end of the night/week whenever they are checked but I had enough faith in humanity that someone, somewhere, would throw in a measely penny just so I could keep my wallet from hitting George Castanza proportions for the rest of the night. Her response was "oh but the total is $2.90". So I handed the $20 bill and took all my craptastic change and grumbled away. I know, it's not the most horrific story and my European side is screaming (PAY YOUR BILL IN FULL!!) and my Canadian side is saying (IT WAS ONLY ONE PENNY!) so I grasp the conflict but as a man, nothing sucks more than a huge wallet. Side note: that's pretty much the only thing that sucks being a man, suck it women!

Another "makes you go hmmmmmm" story about cashiers I remember was at the Pita Pit on College in front of school. At this particular establishment, the cook and cashier had a system - when the order was placed, the cook would begin, almost immediately preparing the food to be cooked, so say you order a Chicken Souvlaki Pita, the cook would hear this and taken out the pre-cooked chicken. Here's the weird part, he would put the meat on his spatula, hold it above the searing hot grill and wait until you paid in full for the meal. He'd literally stand there, staring at the cashier until the cashier would turn around and nood and then the cook would go at it with super-human speed. I understand that students in university are dumb-dumbs (pretty much anyone younger than me is considered a dumb-dumb) and I'm sure they've must've had the problem of a student ordering something and not being able to pay for it while the food already started getting ready but why not just wait until the transaction is over before cooking? How much time could you possibly save? 1 minute?

Needless to say when I saw this fine young man (he was probably 21) was awesome and not just for preparing my burger, topping it off the way I like it, and letting me fill up my drinks all before paying he was also incredibly polite! There was an elderly gentleman who ordered before me and stood by waiting for his burgers while I went to go fill up my drink cups. When his burgers were cooked, the awesome cashier referred to him as "Sir" - "Alrite Sir, sorry about the wait, what would you like on the burgers?" followed by (after he was done topping off the burger) "Would you like me to throw some ketchup in the bag for you Sir?"

Think about it, how often do you use the words Sir or Ma'am when talking to someone elderly?

So awesome Harvey's cashier located at the Home Depot on Mavis Road - this is for you, you're awesome, polite, and professional. It shows you take pride in your work and give your Mom & Dad a hug for me because they did one hell of a job!

A Thing I Like

2008-09-03T10:12:00.002-05:00

I was really negative in my last post, so to counter-balance all that negativeness I put out in the world (which was totally deserved, fucking james blunt, nelly furtado's new voice, PETA, cell phone companies, celebrity names and sarah palin) here's a little something to make the world smile:

(Click on the image to enlarge it)

Things I Hate

2008-09-03T08:49:00.009-05:00

I know, I know. “I’m going to stop complaining” it’s something I’ve said and something I like to think I’m working on. But I need to vent a little, maybe it’s the complete and utter stupidity occurring down south or maybe it’s because I was inside all day yesterday and not creaming my pants at the new 90210 – some of those guys those, Jesus, I hope they are legal age, really, really hope they are legal – or maybe I can’t change who I am. But here is a list of things I kinda hate:

Any song sung by James Blunt. All my friends know that all it takes to irk me is to sing “You’re beautiful! You’re beautiful, it’s true” in that painful, annoying and high squeaky voice of his. Does anyone like him? Anyone? I know he’s not “in” right now or making headlines but I hate him nonetheless.

Following the trend of musicians that aren’t really “in” right now – Nelly Furtado’s new voice from her recent album with Timbaland. It’s so scratchy! It’s not raspy like Bonnie Tyler’s Total Eclipse of the Heart or Janis Joplin. It sounds untrained, sore and it’s rather painful to listen to. This hurts me to say because she’s Canadian, she’s a single mother (but at a normal age, not like some people) and hasn’t done anything hypocritical in her career. I dunno, drink some chamomile tea with honey or something?

Celebrity kids. I know I complain all the time about how much I don’t like children in general. But I suppose I’m complaining more about how it’s so painful to see a child boss his or her mother around in a store or tell his or her father they want a Double Big Mac at McDonalds, super sized with a Fruitopia and then EAT IT; but celebrity kids, I hate you. Does your celebrity child have a stupid name? I probably hate it.
Does your celebrity child own a credit card and isn’t yet in college or have a job of his or her own? I probably hate it.
Is your celebrity child famous for being famous? I probably hate it.
Does your celebrity child have an MTV show? I probably hate it.
Now I may get some flak that I’m jealous or only wishing I can live that kind of life but the truth of the matter is, I’m really not. Sure it would be fun for a month, say a summer anywhere warm where everything is taken care of, but then I would have to stop worrying about my everyday life and guess what I LIKE to worry about my everyday life. I like knowing I have RRSP’s and that my car needs gas and I’ll have to pay my insurance. Why? Because it builds character, matures me and helps me realize that if I want something I have to work for it – there’s no shame in working hard for your rewards. *Star flies over my head* The More You Know :)

PETA – stop killing 97% of the animals you “rescue” and stop lambasting people/clothing lines/normal celebrities (they do exist!) that don’t give you millions of dollars in promotions or donations. Just stop. No, there isn’t a “then we can be friends” add on to that statement. I don’t want to be your friend. I don’t like bullies, I don’t like stupidity and I certainly don’t like stupid bullies. So, just, stop. Go away. Die. Whatever you need to do - just stop.

Bell Mobility/TELUS Mobility – stop charging me for incoming text messages. Stop trying to force this line of thinking of as the norm that soon all cell phone companies will follow and stop with all the bullshit. I saw an ad recently for TELUS Mobility, promoting some deal and in it was listed “Unlimited incoming text messages” – THAT’S NOT A PROMOTION, THAT’S A NORMAL FACT IN CELL-PHONING! I hope and I pray that the Conservative Government of my great country stops you from doing this; that the Minister of Industry stops this from going ahead because I’m awesome, Canada is awesome, therefore its Cell Phone Providers should be awesome too – guess what Bell/TELUS? You are NOT awesome right now.

Sarah Palin – My God woman, go back to Alaska already! You’re anti-choice (to the max) and yet you spout your garbage about how proud you are of your daugther, choosing to have her baby at 17, meaning you are supporting her choice, meaning you are not anti-choice, meaning you’re a dumb bitch. You’re not only for abstinence-only education but against sex-education, the same important, severely needed education your daughter and soon to be hick son-in-law SORELY needed – again, this makes you a dumb bitch. You denied funding to programs like Passage House which (must get this all out without screaming) help teenage mothers acquire the skills the need to care for their children (ah. Ah. AH. AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!). You’re husband hates America (was a member of the Alaskan Independence Party as of 6 years ago), you believe in creationism and you eat babies. Okay, that last one I made up, but with the amount of hypocritical nonsense coming from this woman’s, her party’s and her supporter’s mouths you never know. In conclusion, you’re a dumb bitch. Please stop being a dumb bitch. Thank you.

Oh, if people want links that support the claims in my rants:

PETA douchebaggery can be found here (ignore the first story that pops up, I think it's a glitch on the site)
Sarah Palin douchebaggery can be found here (here you need to do a bit of scrolling, not every story is about the dumb bitch)

Hope you all have a pleasant morning because I most definitely feel A LOT better :)

...But Someone's Gotta Do It

2008-09-02T21:58:00.004-05:00

One of my favourite books is Christopher Moore's "A Dirty Job" - in it, the protagonist, Charlie Asher, finds himself a grim reaper after a traumatic experience. A week later he gets a book in the mail explaining to him that he is now an agent of death and as such he has certain responsibilities. Responsibilities that if he chooses to ignore will result in unforeseen horrors and blah blah blah which will lead to an awesome climax shrouded with copious amounts of hilarity.

Anyways, as a grim reaper (not the Grim Reaper) he must collect the souls of the dearly departed. The thing is, souls leave the body once their vessels (our sexy, sexy bodies) go kaput and enter into inanimate objects. Figurines, paintings, pens, CD's, always something very near and dear to the person who just passed away (even if that person didn't realize it when they were alive).

He knows the objects contain the person's soul because they glow red. His job isn't just to collect them but to watch over them until the time where the new reincarnation of that person arrives to reclaim their soul (really trippy philosophical part - sometimes the new vessel has already been born after the old vessel meaning the new vessel wanders around without a soul until the old vessel dies); he owns a thrift store, so he just keeps the souls there until the new reincarnation, by chance, wanders in and picks up it's soul. Once that person touches the glowing object (they can't see the glow) their soul returns to their body and the object stops glowing. Now I'm pretty sure that soul can go into different objects after the new body passes away but the object it goes into is just temporary storage until it finds it's new reincarnation.

This awesome book got me thinking - where would my soul go, once I die (is it weird I first thought should I die?)? I never knew the answer while I was reading the book but it just hit me recently when my Dad asked if I would like the old lamp fixture for my ceiling from their room since they were redecorating and going to throw it away. Before thinking I said "No, don't even think about touching my Sesame Street Lamp" followed by my Dad laughing away because I'll be 25 soon and still the ceiling lamp fixture in my room as been the same since I moved into thise house (when I was 3) and will most likely follow me wherever I go.

It's been the constant in this house - everything has changed, relationships with my family, my brothers moving out, the colour of the walls, the wooden flooring, the gardens outside, the driveway, our basement getting remodeled - everything that's in my house now, is different since the first time I took my first step into it 22 years ago - everything except my ceiling lamp.

It's weird but I've just realized it's one of the first things I see when I wake up and one of the last things I see before I go to bed. It has the best of Sesame Street's characters on it - Big Bird and Cookie Monster and they're roller skating whilst holding hands! Hell if I have children this is going to be one of those things I pass down to them and if anyone would want to end a friendship with me all they would have to do is smash it to a brillion pieces. I have no idea where my parents got it and I really don't care - all I know is that it's mine and will be here after I'm gone.

Riiiiight

2008-08-28T13:40:00.004-05:00

I usually don't report on celebrity news (then again Ricky Martin and Clay Aiken aren't really celebrities anymore) but I just want the world to know when straight men have children through in vitro fertilization, with women who are not their wives but "friends", their coming-out stories are, at max, 12 months away. Stay tuned you gossip hounds!

Time To Say Goodbye

2008-08-28T11:52:00.004-05:00

Saying goodbye is such hard thing to do. You say it when you want to end something, when you don’t want it to return, when you know you shouldn’t have it return to you. I was always fond of the saying “No, not a Goodbye but a See You Later” but this time it really is goodbye. For how long, I don’t know, hopefully for a while, if I have the willpower and courage, hopefully forever. But here it goes:

Goodbye Wendy’s Big Bacon Classic. You have no idea how hard this is for me to say, how much I truly love you, how much I am going to miss you. No don’t say it, for if you beg me to come back, I won’t have the willpower to say no. I really do LOVE you Big Bacon Classic and it’s because of this, that I have to let you go. You are such a tasty burger. Not a delicious burger. Not a great burger. These words are meaningless when said about you – you are tasty. You are the burger that I am always up for, that burger I could eat right after a Thanksgiving meal, that burger that makes me smile. That burger I wish I could buy in bulk, just rip open a bag of you, and pop one into my mouth. In Polish we have a word that best describes you – SMACZNY, pronounced Smah-Chne – just yummy. You will be sorely missed Big Bacon Classic.

From now on, I’m only going to be buying your healthier cousins – the salads, but know that while I eat my bowl of lettuce and cold pre-cubed chicken chunks, I will be thinking of you, always thinking of you.

Time and Ish

2008-08-26T12:36:00.002-05:00

I think I’m part of a breed of human that’s bound to go extinct within the next 50 years. I’m punctual. Now I’m not rigid or anal or insane about keeping time but I’m on time. You want me some place at 4:00pm, I will be there at 4:00pm, not 4:15pm, not 4:30pm, not 3:45pm, not 5:00pm.

If I’m running late, you will know about it, through a phone call. At most I will be 10 minutes late without any warning to an event that has a start time with the words “around” or “ish” in it:
Hi People!
Come celebrate my 26th birthday with a potluck at my place!
I was thinking around 7ish? Cool? Hope to see you there!
Why? Because the host doesn’t care when his or her party will start and quite frankly, neither do I. I’m asked to show up, not show up on time.

My reasons for running late also stem from the fact that I’m a rare type of human being. I’m late due to outside influences I cannot control. Such influences include:

Traffic – an accident can happen whenever resulting in traffic that can become a COMPLETE CRAWL FOR LIFE. The second I hit this kind of traffic, I am on the phone to the party I am suppose to meet, informing of the snafu I’ve found myself in and will try and get to the destination as quickly as possible. What boggles my mind is that calling someone to inform them I will be late and I have no idea how late I’ll be but just keeping them up-to-date has deemed me “anal”. I like to think it would deem me “thoughtful”. But tomato, to-mah -to. (Tomato is the correct pronunciation everyoneJ)
This also includes any car-related problems, accidents, fender benders, and dead batteries.

Prior engagement – it happens, you offshoot how much time/fun you’re going to have at a prior engagement and want to stay longer or have to stay longer. Sometimes the engagement just runs longer than you or your host anticipated and you’re literally stuck. Sometimes a phone call cannot be placed (it may be rude to get up and go make a phone call during the prior engagement) but the second it’s over, a quick phone call explaining the circumstances is usually what I’ve been known to do. Typically the prior engagement holds more weight than the latter engagement and most people are reasonable in understanding what’s going on, it’s usually the family-party followed by the meeting up with friends-party.

Other people – when people cannot make up their minds about the plans for the evening but seem to want to hold control of the plans being made for that evening, this causes a backlog, a traffic jam if you will, to all other parties included and will cause them to be late:

What do you want to do tonight?
I dunno, we were thinking Buddies or a movie or maybe rock climbing or free interpretive dance lessons, I’ll get back to you.
Well I’m not really feeling clubbing and I’m sure *insert a few names* aren’t feeling it much either, why not *insert movie name that everyone can enjoy* I think it’s playing at 9:30 (note, I KNOW it’s playing at 9:30, because I’ve looked up movie times prior to calling other people) .
Um, I dunno, we’ll see, I’ll call you in a bit

Ahh, “a bit” the most safest, wonderfulest, awesomest two words in the English language for people to use. It’s so generic, so un-defined, so relative, you can never be wrong when you utter these two words. A bit to me is, at most, 5 minutes, you’re not calling your other friends to discuss the fragile state of Uganda, or how Phelps seems to be a two-face; ugly in one photo, not-so-ugly in another – you’re calling (or should be) to say “Darek and *insert a few names* aren’t really feeling Buddies, what about *insert movie*?” THAT is the only conversation you should be having because I am waiting, at home, doing nothing, for your call. I know I am sounding like the world revolves around me but believe me THIS is what I do when we reach a traffic jam in ideas on what to do for the evening. I don’t want my friends waiting around, when they could be getting ready and organizing rides (if need be) – it’s just, well, rude.

I guess that’s where it stems from. I find people that are chronically late having one or both of the following going on in their head:

1. Crazy egos, and I mean bigger than mine. The world can, well, wait for them.
2. Fear of rejection – maybe they are not arriving on time because they’re scared their friends will not be there and they will have to wait. When you’re late, you’re in control so to speak, you know real events won’t happen without you and you don’t run the risk of showing up somewhere alone (even if only a few minutes).

I have to admit anytime I have dear friends running late the first thought ALWAYS in my head is “they forgot me”. It’s never once happened, lord help the first person that does forget me, but I have to admit when I’m sitting in the living room because I’ve surfed all the websites I do while waiting for someone to come pick me up and have now gone to watching TV in the living room looking for something I can’t get too invested in, that thought of my friends, picking up everyone but me, is the only thing going through my head, until my phone vibrates with the “we’re outside” phone call of 2 seconds. Thank Jeebus for by-the-second billing.

There's Right & Wrong and Right & Left

2008-03-24T10:16:00.002-05:00

I promised myself I wouldn’t give this man anymore attention than deserved. He’s like Paris Hilton or any bad jingle that gets stuck in your head. Ignore it and hopefully they will just vanish, forgotten instantly like a dream sometimes. But for some reason, I cannot stop reading his weekly column in the Sun, I just can’t. Like many liberals, I fall into nodding approvingly when another liberal writer writes something I agree with. But that’s where it ends. No discussion, no one playing devil’s advocate at the risk of offending someone, somewhere about something said.

So maybe that’s why, every Monday, during my break at work, I read his Saturday column. I see in him, the person I use to be. Catholic, devout, seeing life on the straight and narrow too scared to deviate even in the face of glaring contradictions to a faith that has been re-written countless times. And lately, after late night discussions with other like-minded liberal friends, I’ve been finding myself agreeing with some of his written work. No, I don’t want polygamy to even be considered as recognizable marriage in Canada; he doesn’t either but more because it’s a non-Christian value rather than a total abuse on the legal system that provides for those couples that are having a rough time making ends meat. But hey you know what they say about the enemy of my enemy.

Same-sex marriage has been legal in Canada for a few years now and so far the skies aren’t blackened, husbands aren’t suddenly switching teams leaving their wives, children aren’t coming out of the closet in record numbers dwindling the chance of our survival for the future. But that doesn’t matter; it’s not marriage because children can’t be made. It’s not right because there may be too many dangling bits or not enough dangling bits in the household. He doesn’t grasp that maybe this law allowed a father to see that there’s nothing wrong with his son, or prevented a young woman from entering into a loveless marriage because it’s expected of her to do so, in her small town.

But hey, it’s a difference of opinion. He and I, in my head at least, go back and forth, singing the “I was right, you were wrong; I’m going to sing the ‘I was right’ song” with no solution in the end. Abortion is wrong. Tell that to a 10 year old raped, impregnated and will forever hold the scars of her violation. Euthanasia is wrong. Tell that to a child, watching his parent die, slowly, painfully, without dignity, lying on a bed, having a nurse change their diaper. Homosexuality is wrong. Tell that to Matthew Shepard.

I guess as the nice, sweet-minded liberal that doesn’t want to offend anyone, I may have cringed at some of the stuff he’s written but I took it in stride. “It’s his opinion”, “He’s entitled to say whatever he wants, so long as he doesn’t break the law”, and “Who am I to tell him otherwise” – were all wonderful catch phrases that prevented any real conversation of his erroneous and offensive speech because hey, he’s not gone as far as to say his way is the only way, simply a way. Until now.

Read the following:
http://www.torontosun.com/News/Columnists/Coren_Michael/2008/03/22/5073661-sun.php

Now I could talk about how Jesus is simply a Sun-god myth, rewritten over and over, even worshipped by pagans under different names. Attis, Mythra, Dionysus and his Egyptian Twin Horus (the story of Jesus and the story of Horus are pretty much identical, from being born on Decemeber 25th, to a virgin, to sharing the name “Lamb of God”, to beginning a ministry at 30, dying on a cross by crucifixion, to entering the land of the dead and staying there for 3 days, to being resurrected on the 3rd day) are all demigod or god like beings sent by the Universal Father to bring the world salvation. I could be an ass and state just that. But he’ll scoff. Call me an atheist (as if it’s an insult). Perhaps, if I’m lucky, rebuke everything and write something about it and in the end he’ll truly believe (here’s the scary part) that because I’ve taken all of 10 minutes to write this, it’s simply more proof that he’s right in his belief and more importantly (read: frightening) that I’m wrong.

Stupidity is something I cannot condone. Be it a man that rides his motorcycle without a helmet because he can’t take off his turban and then tries to sue the government, after caught breaking the law, because his rights to stupidity (read: religious freedom) were in question with the Highway Traffic Control Act or be it a man that cannot even, in the smallest instance, try to understand that maybe there’s more to his religion, his country and it’s traditional background than the written word he writes. And the written Word he reads.

Go on believing you are right and I am wrong Mr. Coren – it finally gives me something more to do, than approvingly nod and hope I’m not offending anyone.

Happy Easter to all!

Oh Lordy...

2008-02-15T14:22:00.002-06:00

http://www.thestar.com/News/Ontario/article/303897

Ugggggggggggggh. I don’t know where to begin. To summarize the article for those to lazy to read it in it’s entirety. Man drives motorcycle on the highway. Man is pulled over for not wearing a helmet and fined according to the laws of this province in the amount of $110. Man protests saying he can’t wear a helmet because he would have to take off his turban. Man goes to the Ontario Human Rights Commission saying his human rights were violated and he didn’t know he has to wear a helmet in Ontario because he didn’t have to in British Columbia, his former home. Man wins the ruling and doesn’t have to pay the fine.

Excuse me, what? Where do I begin? Maybe with how incredibly stupid the Man’s position is? Maybe with how incredibly stupid the Ontario Human Rights Commission is for even allowing to hear what this Man has to say? Maybe with utterly absurd the Man’s lawyer is? Here are some of the things the Man’s lawyer had to say about the ruling:

“Telling [the Man] to choose between his religion or participating in the normal life of Ontario is discrimination”

No, it’s called following the law dipshit. All citizens of this country and their respective provinces are expected to follow the respective laws. If the Man wants to wear his turban in everyday life, I will not stop him, hell, I will fight for his right to do just that, so long as he does not break any laws in doing so. Going to the store? Wear a turban. At your place of work? Wear a turban. Suddenly want to become a police officer? Wear a turban. Why? Because if you take away the turban from this examples, what’s changed? Nothing. Not a thing.

Not wearing a helmet whilst driving your motorcycle on a highway or any road is
a) dangerous b) stupid and c) illegal.

More of what the dipshit lawyer had to say:

"Roads and riding a motorcycle are something that is available to everybody in Ontario provided they wear a helmet. But that condition makes it impossible for [the Man] and everybody of the Sikh religion. That amounts to discrimination."

No that’s called a conflict. A personal conflict. A personal conflict about one’s personal religion. Here is the Man’s choice – wear a turban and run the risking of dying or getting a ticket or take off my turban and wear a helmet in accordance with the laws of one’s province (which by the way is the citizen’s right to determine, ignorance of the law is not an excuse to not follow the law!) and pay restitution to your religion in accordance to your religious laws, in the privacy of your own home or place of worship. The Man made his choice; he wore a turban instead of a helmet, got caught, and must give restitution for his crime albeit a misdemeanor.

Here’s something from the Man:

“In an affidavit entered in court, [the Man] said he had a "sincere" belief that he was obligated under the tenets of his faith to wear a turban at all times when outside his home.
‘We want an exemption for our religion,’ he said outside court.”

Here is what I would say to that:

*clears throat* “No.”

“But your honor, my client is being discrimat-“

“No. He’s not.”

“He has a right to practice his faith-“

“Agreed, but in doing so, he broke the law, a law designed to protect his life, the answer is No.”

My point? If you are in this country, you follow the laws of this country. Religion is a private matter. A completely private matter. The Man made his choice; he chose to follow his religion and took on the risk of being caught of breaking the law to follow his religion. He was caught. Your beef isn’t with the country and its “discriminatory” laws; it’s with your religion and it’s laws altering and keeping you from living the life you want to live.

ANTM: America's Next Top Meh

2007-12-13T18:17:00.000-06:00

So how utterly dissappointed was I that Tootie I mean Saleisha won ANTM Cycle 9? In fact this past cycle and the one before it, were the worst EVER in ANTM history. Why? Well let's take a look at the winners from ANTM cycle 9:

Ugh, Saleisha. She may look cute and adorable in this photo...oh wait, she looks cute and adorable in every photo! There's no high-fashion here. There's nothing I can make fun of! Even when she's trying out her black-itude she's cute as a pixy!

Ugggggggggggggggggggggggggh! Jaslene or as she says her name "Jhas-Lin". She's the winner from ANTM 8 and this taco's burrito is just too spicy!! Too thin, too cleft-chinned, too guacomole! I felt sorry for her because a highlight of her career will be part of a runway show from some designer in China that couldn't get an actual audience, so he had to hire people to watch his clothing line.

Plus she has deaf-voice. "Eathy, breathy, boo-ti-fol cober gurl!"

I'm going to go thru all of Saleisha's boring ass adorable pictures and show you how STUPID modeling agencies are for wanting this as their representative. (My theory is that Tyra picks maybe 500 girls, bring them to the agency, the CEO or president or whatever says "I want this one" points to a girl and Tyra picks 12 other girls to make a very entertaining show.)

Photoshoot 1:

Yeah, ok, Saleisha looks pretty hot here. Crossed legged, kinda giving the goddess heather to her left the "hey girl" look. But why? Is it her fierce modelling ways? Nope. Two words - long hair.

Photoshoot 2:

She's upside down. Look at that. That's all I really have to say about this picture because a)I can see the harness and therefore it's nothing special and b) she looks like she's holding on to the rope.

Photoshoot 3:

She looks sick. Not sick as in fly or hot or "daaaaaamn" - like unhealthy, itchy and gross. She's suppose to be a tulip. She looks like a cross between an Ewok and a rash.

HERE is a good picture from this shoot:

Meet the smartest person ever on ANTM - Victoria. She's suppose to be a cactus and has the distinction of showing how stupid it is that Jay Manuel and Tyra take themselves seriously by uttering one of the best lines ever: "You're not being Baby's Breathe enough!" I love her. And her picture protrays what she is - she looks uncomfortably, prickly and the twist in her neck reminds me of the grooves you find in cacti. This was the photo that she got eliminated for.

Photoshoot 4:

Can anyone tell me why her va-gooch looks so big and well wide? All I think about is Mean Girls and "it's not my fault I have a wide-set vagina and a heavy flow!" and now because I've said THAT all I can think of is "My anus is bleeding!".

She's a "fashion-gargoyle" - do you suppose the people that come up with these shoots realize no one cares what the girls do, so long as they look hot, so they just smoke up all day and watch disney cartoons? Cuz I do...

Photoshoot 5:

Girl's a tire, ya'll. Yep a fucking tire. Now I can't blame the pixy for Tyra's stupidness and I have to admit she looks hot. But you could put virtually any background behind her and you would still notice the cute pixy in the tight skirt. There's nothing here relating her to her, albeit. stupid ass photoshoot.

She's still looks like Tootie!

Photoshoot 6:

Remember when you were young and when you had to go pee you'd grab your crotch, thinking this would hold in the pee?

I wonder why I'm suddenly reminded of this....

Photoshoot 7:
It's Moe from the 3 Stooges everyone! She doesn't look cute here but more like something is just off about her face. Like she was caught laughing? Or sneezing? I dunno, too much pixy dust will do that to you.

Also - a vest and a tank top? Really?...Really?

Photoshoot 8:

So apparently the theme for this photoshoot was being a "Chinese-Princess". She's black. Nuff said.

But wait! Before I'm called a racist - a new hilarious colleague of mine made the great point of asking "What in the fuck is a Chinese Princess anyway?! They had their feet bound and were sold once they started menstrating - nothing regal about that!" Excellent point! But if I were to think of a Chinese Princess, I would think someone covered up, demure, shy but sexy as hell, I would think of:

Heather. Oh look at that. She's covered up (for the most part). She's very shyly sticking out her leg and in a very seductive stance. And I can totally see in my mind her walking down these stairs as the entire court just gasps at her beauty. Which is the image one would want when thinking of a Chinese Princess!

This is the photo she got eliminated for.

Photoshoot 9:

I think the theme for this photoshoot was to be a chief warrior trying to scale the Great Wall of China. I see a girl, bouncing, and she's gonna smash into the wall. I also see a girl that has the cartoon remedy for a tooth-ache around her face. And she looks stumpy.

The thing that bothered me about this photo is that the judges LOOOOOOVED it. Some saying it was the best in the history of ANTM - REALLY?!

Best in the history of ANTM? This?! But not say,

this one:

Kahlen as the Sin of Wrath.

Or this one:

Britney as some sexy-ass candy!

Or this one:

Victoria as part of her anti-smoking campaign (look at the reflection in the mirror).

With Tyra telling me THAT photo of Tootie was the best ever - I felt like I was in George Orwell's 1984 and soon Big Brother aka Tyra was going to tell me that 2+2 is sometimes 5 if she sees fit for it to be 5!!

Photoshoot 10:

Again she's adorable. And you know what? That's perfectly fine. She's selling (or trying to) fruit flavoured lip gloss to little girls. You want someone cute for that. And it's completely fine that she's commerical. But when you try to make a commercial model a high fashion model - you get a cute girl with a toof-ache trying to conquer the Mongols. There is no such thing as a Top Model - and I thank you Saleisha for pointing this out!

RIP Miss Piggy

2007-09-10T00:01:00.000-05:00

RIP Miss Piggy

July 2005-August 2007

You are going to be missed

And Back!

2007-06-21T21:21:00.000-05:00

So it's been 3 months since I've put something up here and I figure I should try something controversial. Skepticism. I know, I know - you're all gasping and shocked that I would try something this controversial, but hey, that's how I do.

I've been given the cute little nickname by my friends of "Actually" - because I always point out flaws in stories/facts people use/urban legends people believe. I can't help it, I really can't. If something is inaccurate, I'd want someone to correct me (despite the stubborn bitch I am) so I don't sound unintelligent in front of others.

I think it started waaaay back in high school when my brother saw me reading a bunch of "facts" that are sent through chain letters on the interweb. You must've gotten them:

"A duck's quack doesn't echo and no one knows why"

"Kentucky Fried Chicken became KFC because it uses mutated/incest chickens that legally aren't chickens anymore"

"Humans only use 10% of their brains"

And so on and so forth. My brother saw these and asked the simple question of "Why don't you look up useFUL facts?" And so it began. I became interested in what was truly believed by credited professionals and not the crap floating around on the internet. And if something really interests me, then it's in my head. Permanently. (A ducks quack does echo, it's just the way the quack sounds that covers up it's own echo/Kentucky Fried Chicken became KFC so that people wouldn't be turned off the product by the word "Fried"/Humans use 100% of their brains, just not 100% of the time)

So I would correct people that started with these urban legends and such. Most people took it swimmingly "Oh cool, I knew something was fishy about that story" was the general response. And then I began to question stories about ghosts/supernatural experiences and such. Until I made the grand affirmation: I don't believe in ghosts.

I'm not an atheist (I don't understand how an atheist can believe in ghosts, maybe someone can help me understand that). I do believe in God and the existence of the soul. But I don't believe the things that occur on Earth, matter in the grand scheme of things. I always found the belief in ghosts so very "centric" - something happened to someone, so therefore something needs to remain of that someone. One person out of 6 billion is practically nothing (mathematically speaking).

So that's why I don't believe in ghost stories. They're too "perfect" every other possibility is null and void leading the listener to only believe ONE and only ONE truth - that a ghost exists. I quietly hide my smirks whenever someone speaks of Ouiji Boards and shield them from my rolling eyes; call me a skeptic but I just can't believe that the makers of Monopoly have created a communication device with the dead.

I remember once my friend was telling me of a story about how he and a group of friends were doing the Ouiji Board at someone's house and asked the ghost what the number on the house was and it pointed to the number of the house. So I stated "well you guys knew the number on the house, when you pulled up there", my friend replied "most of us just followed one or two people, and it was dark, so no one saw the number" to which I rebutted "all it takes is one person to just nudge it [the curser] in the direction you want it to go to" to which my friend said "Noooooo, no one was moving the curser" to which I replied "But the owner of the house knows his own number" and at that point I could tell my friend was getting a little miffed, so I let it go. But there's always something to counteract the logical reasoning behind a ghost story - it was dark, no one knew the number, it moved on it's own, it was a new house so the owner wasn't accustomed to seeing his new house number - ALWAYS something to lead you to the only conclusion that 1) it was the supernatural and 2) fear it.

I think psychics are the smartest people in the world - EVERYONE is scared of death and the uncertainty of the future and what will happen to those they love. You will ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS have people coming to you wanting to make sure someone is ok. I would love to just go up to a psychic and say "Alright, go". Not give them my name, nor my age, or sign, not anything that they can make a generic reference to (let's face it, most people in the same age bracket are experiencing at least SOME of the same things).

I most certainly don't believe in Astrology. Your birthdate is a fluke. 9 months is the generic range. Someone women give birth early, others give birth late; it's genetics that determine when your mom is ready to pop you out, not the alignment of the stars. After you're born, then it's all exact according to your sign OR defined by some range. Jamie gave me a card reading once and said I would live anywhere from 1-2 years, 10-20 years or 100-200 years from the time of the reading. I'm not saying it wasn't fun or nifty to have my best friend give me a reading, I'm just saying for something that is already determined, it should be read like a book no? I shouldn't have a psychic tell me they are getting "someone that starts with a D" (if you were a ghost would you tell someone that can see you "tell my son, my name begins with a D"?)

I do believe in Alien races - if Earth is one of trillions upon trillions of planets that evolved life, I'm fairly certain it occurred again, somewhere else. Have they visited us? I highly doubt it; I look at the Earth as more of a Brampton of the Universe, the things worth visiting are few and far between so why travel so far for cheaper merchandise and a terribly planned piece of land?

I guess I'll always been that one guy that just bursts people's bubble; I've come to accept that nothing really magical happens here, so it's no wonder stories are created to spice things up. Then again I'll probably be the first to die once a ghost serial killer starts terrorizing my friends.

My Beliefs

2007-03-19T00:03:00.000-05:00

So a new blog already for Darek? This means that it's crunch time at school and he's slacking - well more I'm semi-sleep deprived and just finished writing 5 chapters of my thesis in 3 days!

I recently took a quiz to determine what faith I most align myself with and according to this quiz I, with a rating of 100%, am a Secular Humanist.

Let's see what are some of the fundamentals of Secular Humanism and if that really portrays my belief structure:

•Belief in Deity: Not considered important. Most Humanists are atheists or agnostics

- Darek believes in God. Darek believes worshipping God is not what God wants because God doesn't want anything

•Incarnations: Same as above.

-I guess you can say Darek believes in reincarnation but more on that issue later

•Origin of Universe and Life:The scientific method is most respected as the means for revealing the mysteries of the origins of the universe and life.

-Of the physical universe and life, yes. I still believe in a spiritual aspect.

•After Death: An afterlife or spiritual existence after death is not recognized.

-Not in terms of heaven and hell - just existing after we die and either coming back or just staying where we came from.

•Why Evil? No concept of “evil.” Reasons for wrongdoing are explored through scientific methods, e.g. through study of sociology, psychology, criminology.

-Evil is subjective so no true definition of it exists <- that's all Darek belief ya'll

•Salvation: No concept of afterlife or spiritual liberation or salvation. Realizing ones personal potential and working for the betterment of humanity through ethical consciousness and social works are considered paramount, but from a naturalistic rather than supernatural standpoint.

-Salvation doesn't exist - there's nothing to be saved from.

•Undeserved Suffering: No spiritual reasons but rather a matter of human vulnerability to misfortune, illness, and victimization.

-Again because evil is subjective, suffering under a subjective evil is subjective as well.

•Contemporary Issues: The American Humanist Association endorses elective abortion. Other contemporary views include working for equality for homosexuals, gender equality, a secular approach to divorce and remarriage, working to end poverty, promoting peace and nonviolence, and environmental protection.

-Yep, yep, yep on all counts.

So not too much in common with secular humanism except for that last tidbit. I guess my belief structure comes down to the notion that God cannot be personified. Using words like God, Goddess, He, Her, Him, Jesus, Vishu - names in general just make it that much harder to trying to understand what God is.

For me, God is the very essence of existence. We are all from this before we are born, we choose a path in life we wish to follow (being part of God requires that you know all outcomes of life and all knowledge of everything - logically the only thing you cannot know is the existence of not knowing everything) follow that life (whether it's to become a single mother, a scientist, a flea, a president, a war criminal, a murderer, a pedophile, a teacher, an engineer, a paraplegic, a cow, a mad cow, a trekkie, or a model) until it is over and then we reunite to what it was that we left.

I have no clue why I am writing this or who for but it's the best way I can think of real answers to the real questions I've asked myself. I've never been one to take a side 100% (I may be stubborn as hell, but I'm usually proven wrong, learn something and move on). Yes I was a strict Roman Catholic at one point in my life, but I never completely agreed with the Church. Many times I just wanted to be like Douglas Adams and make a defiant statement that "NO, God does not exist" - but saying that just never felt right to me. I don't think I'm suppose to be an atheist with the life I'm living now.

Here's the link for the test: http://www.selectsmart.com/PRO/beliefnet/index1.html take it and tell me where you belief structure most aligns with. I'm curious to see whose what.

Oh Waiter...

2007-03-12T21:03:00.000-05:00

I am a tipper. That doesn't mean I am a great tipper. I tip accordingly and with what I feel is respectful for the service I've received. This usually means I tip anywhere from 10-20%, sometimes because the service is deplorable and sometimes because I don't have a lot of cash on me.

What I don't understand is when people treat waiters with disrespect. I really don't think people understand that for the entire time of their meal (at a restaurant or fast food joint) a patron will only see their meal for 50% of the time. So if you're at a restaurant for 1.5 hours - you're only enjoying and seeing your food for less than 45 minutes (unless your Jen C, in which case you're eating for a few hours).

So it just boggles my mind when someone gives a waiter attitude - it's not their fault that something is not on the menu (go some place that is) or if a change in a side order comes with a $1.99 charge (that's the chain's/restaurant's policy) or if a substitute cannot be made (some restaurants don't carry certain types of wine) - so it makes no sense when someone cusses off a waiter, writes a snide remark on a credit card receipt or a flat out "no!" when their meal is about to be placed onto a table and is shoved away by said patron (yes I have heard of this occurring people). The things that can be done to your food when you're not looking at it and you would not have any idea of it being done are numerous.

So to ensure that YOU don't act like an asshole (unintentionally) and that your food arrives as quickly and delicious as possible here some nifty tips and rules of thumb to go by:

Tipping:

1. Your meal arrives but it's all wrong, here you can ask to have it sent back (politely) and are not obligated to tip terrifically (here you can get away from the 10-15% range).

2. Your meal arrives and the side order is wrong (me personally, I bite the bullet and eat, because well, I'm hungry) but if you were really, really craving that salad/soup/fries then enjoy your entree and send back the side. Again, if the service is perfection except for this little snafu, I think a tip of about 15% is still required.

3. You are seated and within 5 minutes a server has introduced his/herself and gotten the drink order down. Comes back with the drinks, asks if the partrons are ready to order (takes down order if they are) or comes back in 10 minutes and then takes down order, in 20 minutes the meals have arrived, drinks are refreshened and server makes sure the meals are correct. Server comes back in 10 more minutes, refreshes drinks, asks if everything is alrite and is not seen again until the plates are cleared and the bill is brought. +15% is required and expected.

Attitude:

1. Server does the squat. This isn't gameplay, you're not my best friend and you're pretending to be friendly. So just expect some people to be a little put off by that. However, if case THREE occurs (from Tipping) again, tip accordingly.

2. Server asks inappropiate questions - "Do I look fat in this uniform?" "My boyfriend just broke up with me" - are things patrons don't need to know about nor are they expected to answer. Questions like this may result in lower tips...

3. Server comes, takes drink order, comes back, gives the patrons a few more minutes, 20 minutes pass by, then comes back, takes order, order comes back wrong, makes no apologies, doesn't freshen drinks (big pet peeve is having to ask another waiter to get refills) and only returns when the bill is dropped down - server gets and is expected to receive a tip of less than 10%.

Meals:

1. Meal arrives and it's perfect - tip at least 15%

2. Meal arrives with one little minor mistake - tip in the 15% range (-+2%)

3. Meal arrives completely NOT what you ordered (you wanted vegetarian pasta and you get pork wrapped in beef) and the service was slow and rude. Expect a tip of next to nothing - personally I would round up to the nearest dollar. If the behaviour was something that was exceptionally rude - I would even talk to the manager.

Well I think that covers it, so I hope I have enriched your lives and given some reliable tips to a better meal.

Pork wrapped in beef!

Take That You Hosers!

2007-03-04T11:54:00.001-06:00

I just found this clip on youtube and I'm utterly disgusted:

And I'm not disgusted because some white-bred bitch with blond hair puts herself up on a pedestal and uses a derogatory term for an entire minority group at something that would be considered, at the very least, a "professional" conference.

What I'm angry and disgusted with is the applause she gets in the end. Ann Coulter is a dumb bitch. I really don't think anyone can dispute this fact. With this little conference she has gone from ultra right-winger to conservative fanatic; she's right up there with Pat Robertson now and will soon begin loosing respect across the board.

She is now a certified bigot. Even the most die-hard conservatives I've met all have one thing in common - you don't trump on human rights. Go back 50 years, replace "faggot" with "nigger" and you'd have the exact same response. A bunch of white people thinking they are better than another minority group and feeling they can laugh it up at their expense.

But things change, no one would be able to get away with a statement like that if it focused on a visible minority group. I may be angry and disgusted by the applause she received because the audience is just fucked up as her, but the one thing I won't be is scared. Fear is what conservatives want, it's what put people in the back of the bus and it's what prevents 10 or 11 year old boys from telling their parents, casually, over dinner, that they really, really like the boy next door.

Which brings me to my next point - same-sex marriage. The most recent article about it that I've found at
http://www.thecarpetbaggerreport.com/archives/9844.html and the jist of it is that the Washington Supreme Court voted against allowing same-sex marriage because according to them, marriage is for procreational purposes and defending traditional marriage ensures families will be made. Now a new law is coming up for debate that says married couples MUST have a child within 3 years of marriage or their marriages will be annulled.

I'm surprised that there isn't outrage against this bill. And I think I may have figured out why...

Try listing as many reasons, for a straight couple, to be against this bill:

"When and if me and my spouse decide to have children is none of the government's business!"

"The government has no right to interfere with the way my spouse and I wish to run our lives!"

"We want to be married, we don't want to have children"

Interesting how these reasons can be said by man or women, gay or straight couple, no? If straight conservative couples deplore this bill, they are inadvertently supporting the exact same rights of same-sex couples. Now I am scared. It'll be interesting to see how this all ends - will straight people allow a bill to pass that will control their lives just so they don't have to open their minds a tinsy weensy bit and understand the troubles faced by gay couples? Or will people smarten up and see that when the government comes into your bedroom, it ain't looking for a threesome?

I Don't Get It

2007-01-31T16:08:00.000-06:00

Holy Moly I haven't put up a post in such a long time. But I have an hour to kill before my urbanization class and decided this is better than listening to music or reading my book.

Recently I went to see a play staring the Devine Miss Jennifer 'Bella' White in "7 Deadly Monsters". Miss White was a phenom but I walked out of the play with

<- this look on my face.

I didn't get it...I got small bits and pieces. I laughed at the funny parts and enjoyed the subtle humor. But in the end, I didn't get a real understanding of what was going on. Jamie got it. He was able to explain to me. Him and Bella joked about how where Jamie understood that "Monster" meant the emotions we hate but can't live without I was thinking about how I could build something to save the people from the monsters.

While walking around York U, Jamie was skipping down Nostalgia Lane remembering his times in Drama class where he hilariously changed a military macho man scene into two fags gabby about the high school dreamboat. Fucking brillance! I could tell that Jamie was feeling not so much blue but more that he wished he had taken one or two more drama classes.

My response to him wishing he had done more while in school - "So take a drama course at a community college" Jamie gave the response we all do when told we should do more school (especially when it's not needed) "Yeah I could" which mean he wouldn't and then I concluded with "And that's that. This closes the chapter in Jamie's life according to the black and white book of Darek."

I've always found this is the case in these kinds of situations all of my life - when there's a choice between logic/pragmaticism and artistic expression/understanding, I choose logic . Where some people excel in English or Literature - I don't. I got math, I got chemistry, I got physics. I can write and read. I can identify imagery in a book - hell even respect it if it's incredibly well written. But put me in a room where the term "Monster" doesn't mean "Monster" and it's all over.

In OAC English, one of the 6 books we had to read in the term was "Stone Angel" by Margaret Lawerence. One of the worst books I have ever read in my life. Where Aldous Huxley's Brave New World was something I simply didn't enjoy and forced myself to read in 3 days to "get it out of the way" - Stone Angel was a complete and total snore.

I will always remember one defining scene in my life in class where my teacher Mr. Bonnah wanted us to discuss one scene in the book. The scene was when the main character, Hagar, an elderly lady upset at the world, farts in her chair, mentions she's farted and goes off on this diatribe about how shitty her life is.

So all the more artistic-inclined people in my little group discussed how she farted was a symbol because "society" had turned it's back on her and the farting act "symbolizes" that Hagar is a symbol of how the world doesn't care for it's elderly.

I said "She's led a long life, had children, has grandchildren - she's earn the right to fart in public and not give two shits what the world thinks" - my group didn't agree, we went with the "artistic" expression in the main class discussion and my teacher nodded in approval. I'm sure they were right - I just hate knowing that for some reason their interpretation is more "right" than mine.

I may not be the best engineering student or have that much respect for the profession; Hell I'm writing a novel myself and love to read. But I like the right/wrong answer approach. I hate that people think I'm going to be a snob when they tell me what their major is after learning I'm in Civil Engineering. I may not get how someone can fail "The History of Basket Weaving" but hell if studying The Psychology of Russian Literature and it's Progression into the Ukranian Psyche floats your boat, float on!

Just don't assume because I look for a solution to a problem as opposed to trying to understand why a solution is needed or if the problem is really a problem and the real problem is people thinking something is a problem in the first place that I can't be artistic, appreciate a good piece of music and snap with all the hipster cool hipsters at a gothic poetry reading.

Well There's Your Answer Fish-Bulb

2007-01-10T20:29:00.000-06:00

So I get a lot of slack for the fact that I look like I'm 12. Also for the fact that my metabolism is the greatest/worst thing on the planet, trapping me forever in the body of a 16 year old girl; a 16 year old girl that can eat fast food on average twice a week without any exercise!!

But aside from my body, I have a face that can contort into some pretty weird shapes as seen here <-- And because of the fact that I'm a chameleon, I've had my dear friends inform me that I look like a variety of cartoon characters, so much so, that I dressed up as one for halloween. I know I'm just giving fodder to Brendan and Jamie for more jokes that will leave me in tears in the dead of night, wishing that people would just LIKE ME!!!! I mean, oh you guys, so crazy funny!

First off caillou, which I only resemble when I have my shaved head. I think it was Sam that pointed this out, at a picnic, where I arrived wearing a yellow tee-shirt and blue shorts.

I laughed with all my other friends at how funny Sam was for her observation.

But on the inside I was shattered.

I usually only look like Doug in the early summer season, when the tan as faded long away and I've shaved my head for the summer.

So let's see, nifty red running shoes, tiny little dog that is basically an animal version of himself and whiter than snow...

Hi Brendan!!

And speaking of Brendan, he was the one that made this connection.

I'm Hermie...a fucking dentist elf...

But enough for me to dress like him for Halloween...

Damn hat took nearly 4 hours to make and damn mother finished it off in 2 minutes... *continues grumbling*

And last but not least, after catching an oldie but a goodie of the Simpsons, I noticed very much, that WHEN I win the lottery, I will be Richie Rich.

I mean, he even has the part in his hair...

And dimples...

What a Day

2006-12-31T01:23:00.000-06:00

I'm going to tell you about how I spent December 30th, starting at 12 AM. Why? I have no clue, but I've never wanted to write in my lil bloggy more than right now and it's hard to resist the urge.

So where was I at 12AM? I was at Gabi's shooter party in the E-dot, getting shot at by grandma's, because we all know Etobicoke and Mississauga are soooooooo different, right Jen?

Anyways, had a blast with Gabi, Heather, Andrea, Melinda, Felicia, Rian, Joy, Jen C (who you callin' bitch, bitch?!) and and and...damn it, I thought I had this time - oh wells, better luck next time, right ladies :)

So after my screw driver and few shots at Gabi's, I took it slow cause I was driving and by 3 we were ready to go, Jen was "presentable" and offering me sex to bring her to a McDonalds while Brendan told me he approved of Travis and feels he's "good for me" and "special". Oh drunk talk, sweet sweet drunk talk. Side note - I LOVE drunk Brendan, he needs to come out more.

"You don't say it enough" he says to me, in a whisper. And no, Jamie does not think you're gay. FUCK!

So, waiting in the drive through line at McDonalds was fun, in front of me was the van full of uggie club girls, that didn't move, even after they ordered, because they were waiting for their friend to come back from the gas station, peeing. Like she's not gonna be able to find you...

And behind me, a car full of "bad ass" flip guys (Conrad??) shouting and hollering at the car full of girls behind them.

After being told that Mickies didnt have beef or fish and only had junior chicken sandwiches - correction ONE junior chicken sandwich - we settled on that and were on our way home.

Didn't fall asleep til about 4:33 AM, that was the last time I remember seeing before falling asleep. Woke up at 10:00 AM to pee and then again at 11:30 AM - I was done sleeping apparently. Not feeling the greatest and trying to find the words to tell Travis that I really don't want to go clubbing but conflicted because I wanted to see my man; I decided I would clean the bathroom and wait for his call.

I decide to go clubbing, seeing Travis is more important than knowing the crap ass time I'll probably have a straight club (yeah breasts! I know man, did you see her ass? Mmmmmm love the smell of vadge!) Then my dear aunt Marisha comes over! I don't see her that often (she lives in Poland and is the only relative that calls me Dariusz) and she brings her daughter, my cousin, Basia (Ba-sha or Barbara for you whiteys and bleached peoples) and Basia's son, Lukasz, pictured below:

My new nephew everyone! I didn't know about this one! Now I really think my dear grandmother is a little worried about the Sobik family name. I'm most likely not having babies, Daniel I don't see being a father and if he is, he's going down the path of being one of those father that hires nannies and names his children Pashmina and Madison. I mean he just got a blackberry everyone...

Out of my four nephews (on my dad's side) Adrien, Oskar, Alex and Matthew, only little Matthew has the Sobik name.

It's weird, my dad's side of the family is just good at producing male children - I have 3 female cousins, 0 sisters, but have 2 brothers and 4 male cousins plus myself. And now the second generation is going strong at 4 males to 1 female (little Julianna)

So little Lukasz really really really likes Miss Piggy, brave little guy opened up her cage and went right for her, picked her up and petted her. Squeezed her a little too hard but got the hang of being gentle none the less. Well seeing as this was the first time I was meeting Little Lukasz, I had to cancel on Travis; damn bittersweetness.

So after the rarely seen part of my family up and left, I decided it was time to watch some tv, read some American Gods, and download some Whitney Houston. Just then, my mom comes in, a little tipsy, a rarity for this woman and I download her some Bette Midler (her favourite singer next to Shania Twain) and Shania Twain. I make her listen to Dolly Parton and some Nancy Sinatra. Once again, at 1 in the mourning, me and my mom were listening to music while she was a little tipsy.

I took a shower but before that the best thing to start off the New Year happened! For the past year I've had the biggest zit on my forehead. It's weird, I tried popping it before, and I think in doing so, I cut myself, which caused new skin to grow OVER the zit, making it utterly unpoppable. UNTIL TONIGHT! For some reason, something caught my eye as I was looking at myself in the mirror just before my shower. The unpoppable looking pasty and as I grabbed some toliet paper and wrapped my fingers, I popped with all my might - SUCCESS! It's gone!

Well this only meant that this Year will be the best yet! As I was finishing up my shower, I noticed a spider in the shower, I think it's the same one that I've seen these past couple of days. Instead of pulling a Jamie and killing it with a rage that burns hotter than that of thousand suns, I just smiled at my little guardian and towelled off.

What a day!

Favourite (parts of) Songs!

2006-12-13T16:19:00.000-06:00

At a risk of copying Jamie (you just had to put TWO posts about music up, didn't you? I thought, I'll just wait for your next post, you can't accuse me of copying you then...and then you go and copy yourself, just tacky!), I wanted to share with the world a little gift, that might bring some good ole tears of joy to your eyeballs.

I realized that my music tastes don't really define any one particular genre, if it sounds good, I listen to it. Travis' best friend Jim, asked me, during his night long interrogation of me, what kind of music I enjoyed - I told him "mostly alternative, but I like rock and dance too". And it got me thinking - I likes particular parts of songs, I find it particularly hard to find an entire song I enjoy.

So here is a list of songs I adore and specifically time framed parts that I suggest you all download and listen to and cry and stare into the distance and whisper to yourselves "wow Darek is the very definition of brillance" and then hold your hand up, then close it and draw it close to your chest while closing your eyes and nodding up and down slowly...

Colorblind by Counting Crows:

Surprise Surprise - a little bias because it's my favourite song BUT listen to the very middle of the song (while listening to the first half of course) at exactly 1:41. It's a little tricky to catch the point I love but it's right at the end of 1:41 and right at the beginning of 1:42. It's just a slight pause but it's done right in the middle of the song - so it takes your breath away when you think the song is over but it just begins again.

O Holy Night by Celine Dion:

If you dont shed tears at exactly 3 minutes and 15 seconds into the song when Celine sings "Christ is the Lord" you have no soul, period. Those four words last from 3:15 -3:25, the word "Lord" takes her three seconds to sing from 3:22-2:25 and it's the best part of the song, hands down.

Mad World by Gary Jules:

Yes it's the theme song from Donnie Darko - which is a good movie and all "hipster cool" - but it is such a mellow and sad song. With lyrics like "I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad the dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had" and "Children waiting for the day they feel good, happy birthday happy birthday" so very sad; but beautiful none the less. But listen to the song once and then listen to it again and only this way you can see why I love the part at exactly 1:27 into the song. You think the song is just about to end (knowing you've heard it before) and when it doesn't it's a mixture of happiness (because the song is not over) and a mixture of sadness (because the song is not over).

Stairway to Heaven by Dolly Parton:

I've only heard the define Miss P's variation of this song and quite frankly that's enough - it's beautiful. Again, I may be a little bias because Dolly is one of the few entertainers that deserves her gay icon status, she supports same-sex marriage, gay rights, the whole nine yards and yet she's a devout christian; a perfect example of the word "christian" in my opinion. The song is long at 6 minutes and 31 seconds, but every second is worth it - listen in at exactly 5:06 and the wonder of this part of the song isn't over until 5:27; listen carefully at 5:22-5:27 to "Wanna be a rock and not a roll" and if you don't get what I mean, then I truly pity you. The first time I heard that part it literally took my breathe away - I stopped writing my lab for geomechanics and just sat and listened to the rest of her beautiful rendition of this historic song.

Into Your Hideout by Pilate:

Brendan introduced me to this song and I thank God he did. This song makes me want to drive faster when I hear it on the radio; it makes me want to run faster when I'm jogging; it makes me want to cry harder when I'm crying while listening to it. It just brings out everything you need out that you've pushed in and provides you with a solice you get only when you were a child and received reconciliation at church. Listen carefully at 2:30 - again it's one of those things where it's at the end of 2:30 and the beginning of 2:31 and it just brings you back into the song; brings you back to whatever it is you need to face.

It's Still Too Late by Evermore:

Heard this song at Jamie's and loved it instantly; it's very Pilate-y but not so charged up, to me this is just a nice song to listen to. The main singer's vocals are wicked, the way he says "Hessitate" right at the beginning of the song (end of 0:29 beginning of 0:30) just puts a clever little smile on my face. The all time best part of this song is at 3:13-3:14 - I have no clue what he's saying here but I all I know is I find that clever little smile on my face after hearing it.

Get Together by Madonna:

This song didn't get that much radio time or club time but I think it's her best hit off her newest CD. And oddly enough it's only the beginning and end parts of this song I love the best - the very first words outta her mouth are "Down, down, down in your heart, I find, find, find the secret, turn turn turn your head around, baby we can do it, we can do it all right" and the end "If it's better at the start, then it's sweeter in the end" - I always hear the word "better" as "bitter" and sing it that way when I hear it.

Hope you're all looking off into the distance now and understanding the wonder that is *whispers* Darek...

And the Competition Comes to a Close (sorta)...

2006-12-04T22:22:00.000-06:00

So a couple months ago, me and my dear friend Robyn got into a little contract about America's Next Top Model Cycle 7, we each picked 6 girls and the one remaining was given to our dear friend Carolyn...

Well the finale is almost upon us, so I thought I'd go back and pick out those few pictures (because these photo shoots have been truly heinous and dull) that stood out and were actually superb. Enjoy!

Ladies and gentlemen I give you this cycle's "Girl Who Got Mad-Shafted". Megan was fucking PERFECTION, except for one flaw, she's 23. But this picture was so damn good. The over-exaggeration of divadom (is there such a thing?) is perfect here, the body language, the look on her face, the stupid little mut of a dog - all very perfect.
Megan, maybe it was better this way, I mean you avoided the Tyra speech of:
"Megan, in this industry your looks are everything and even though air-brushing will ALWAYS be around and even though models that are 40+ are still doing work and looking like they're in their 20's, that only comes with experience!"

I know, I know, I'm agreeing with the judges - but this is a fabulous photo! It's very "editorial" (still dont really know what that means, but can you tell that? nope!) and has almost an artistic side to it. I mean it does address the issue of bulimia nervosa and it's actually shocking.
.
.
.
.
Kay, I'm gonna be a HUGE prick here but...don't bulimics usually throw up into a toliet?
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, that's the "actually" speaking, not Darek!

This picture is just funny. It's so typical "Dumb Blond" it's ridiculous! But I love it! Here legs go on forever, end bent and hidden behind a hug book, the big hair, the doe-y eyes and look of pseudo-concentration but just looking really pretty - I FUCKING LOVE YOU CARIDEE!!!!! - I'm sorry, I'm sorry, that was the passion talking...
But a phenomenonal start to say the least!

Then... Alot of stuff didn't happen, really, all the photo shoots were pretty dull and boring, until Tyra came to save the day... and I feel sick for actually saying that...

We'll start with my least favourites - it's not so much scary as it is "You know that feeling when you wake up in a bus station with a condom in your ear?!"

One eye looks sorta normal and the other looks like she got cut in a fight over who gets to own here at the Women's Correctional Facility...

Not bad for a Sara Rue look-a-like but still nothing great. I mean now she's sporting Lebanese sideburns and her neck has minor fat-rolls - THAT'S why she's scary.

Eugena looks more confused than scary. Here's something that'll make this picture that much more scary, thanks to Travis:

Everyone, look in a little closer at the picture, now imagine Eugena saying this, in a whispy, almost molestery voice:

"Hi, my name is Eugena, I'm hear to WAAAASSSHHHH yo' vagina"

Fucking terrifying no?!?!?!

It's not so much scary but what I see when I see this pic is one of two possible outcomes - Anchal's either done something or is about to do something. It's that raised eyebrow, I'm sucker for them, it's my weakness I know, this picture looks more devious than scary...

Also it looks like she has one ear, what the fuck?! THAT'S scary!

Now we all know how much I hate trannies - MAKE UP YOUR MINDS! - but I learned to love Jaeda, once she got her hair cut, she actually looked like a model.

And this picture is just ripe with versatility

why you may ask

if Jaeda can look this good while looking so bad and still look like this
...
..
.

You found yourself America's Next Top Model - DONT GROW YOUR HAIR OUT!

Damn you Mel-Ho, this is actually a pretty good picture! Not so much bus-stop-condam-in-ear and more so, scary crawler from "The Descent"

And we all know how that movie actually scared me!

Now the stupid judges didn't like this one, but we all know they're morons - I really think she did a great job at "being scary but not losing her model" She's still pretty and this photo could sell.

Hello America's Next Top Model - I LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE THIS PICTURE SOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH.

The way this picture feels so uncomfortable, so raw, so harsh!

Her mouth looks like it's just opening up for something to eat - like your soul!

I heart CariDee!!!!

So whose left in the final three??

Well let's see!

There's perfection, also known as CariDee also known as MY FIRST CHOICE PICK!!

Kicking yourself in the ass now, aren't you Robyn?!

Drag Queen my ass Nigel "I'm a pussy that can't take a GREAT joke" Barker, I hope when CariDee wins she slaps you in the ass and grinds up and down on you where leather chaps!

Oh man, when CariDee wins that'll be two winners in a row for Darek - the closest I've come to winning things in a long long time!

I MEAN COME ON! LOOK AT THIS PERFECTION! She's been in the bottom two for the last two weeks and why? To throw us off.

That's the smartest they can be. The ONLY thing that's stopping me from collecting on me bet now is if the judges just pick Eugena (she's the only one left that's 18) for the age factor. But 20 years old is not too bad of a number.

P.S. This was also a faboulous pic of Amanda, I was surprised!

WHOSE THIS?! Eugena AKA my second pick?! Oh Robyn, this must utterly blow for you!

You have to admit though - best picture out of all the bull fighting pictures, but not hard to say that, with CariDee's eyes closed, Melrose looking like the mother of the female lead from The Corpse Bride, and the twins and their awkward (too awkward) poses.

But all in all, brava girl! Now let's just some ProActiv on you and you're set!

And whose last in the final three? Melrose. And damnit, why is she such a good model? Thank god you're 23 - you're the Jade of the group and it's wonderful!

But wait...where are Robyn's picks?

Oh...

...

They're not here anymore; they're all gone.

I'm telling you Robyn - age is everything!!!

18-20 MAX, I don't think there has been a winner older than 20 in any of the seasons and we all know the first season doesn't count!

I know I sound smug but I'm on such a high right now, my exam went pretty good, I finally talked to Travis after so long of not talking to him, and I'm getting over my cold/flu.

Can't wait for that free meal Robyn :)

Letters From Darek, To ???

2006-11-22T14:55:00.000-06:00

This is what happens when you're alone for a week with no one to really talk to, your boyfriend off shucking corn god knows where and loser friends that don't want to come over for some scrabble fun...
Dear Annoying People in the Morning Rush Hour:
Please stop being such douche bags. It's STAND RIGHT, WALK LEFT, you STAND LEFT again and I will trample you down and ride your corpse up the escalator where you'll been skinned and I will wear said skin in an "Itchy & Scratchy" fashion.
Please stop bringing LUGGAGE to the office, if your backpack has wheels, you are bringing too much shit to work - learn how to economize; you don't look impressive, you look like a tool.
Please stop sighing when delays are made on the train - yes it's annoying, you sighing and saying "oh come on" every 5 minutes make everyone restless and makes you the ruler of douchedom.
Please stop talking on your phone for the entire trip to Union Station - IT CANNOT BE THAT IMPORTANT if you're going to see the caller "when I arrive" which will be momentarily.
Sincerely, Darek S.

Dear Skim Milk:

Why are you so disgusting? Why can't you be more like your delicious 2% brothers? Why do you taste and look like dishwater? Why can't you coat my throat as I slurp you down with some cookies, who still dont cover up your watery, thin and disgusting taste? I hate you.
Milk should not be thin, it should be thick and refreshing and almost filling. I should be able to have a glass of you and hold off eating for an hour to finish work - instead I find that water is more filling that you. And it tastes better. I hate you because you're low in iodine and dont aggregivate my skin as much. You're disgusting and ugly.
Sincerely, Darek S.

Dear Book That I Need To Find So I Can Read And Not Get Bored On My Daily Commute:

Where are you? I've looked afar for you. The Metro can't compare to plot and climax and character development. Alone at night, I cry, thinking I'll never find you and I'll forever think I'm smart for completing a Sudoku and knowing "Oleo" means butter substitute.
You know where I am, find me Book, FIND ME! Be flashy, have a catchy cover and kickass title - you deserve only the best!
Missing You,

Darek S.

Dear Travis:

Where are you? You're cheesecake is getting all cold and eaten...

Sincerely,

Darek S.

Dear B-man:

Youuuuuuuuu're alllllllllllright

Keep it fresh, homie

Sincerely,

Darek S.

Dear Pleasantville:

Why are you STILL so expensive? I mean, you were released in 1998 - that was 8 years ago. You aren't the shit anymore and when you were, you barely were!
Please get slightly damaged at some douchbag's apartment and get returned, repaired and then sold for 3 bucks.

Sincerely,

Darek S.

The Bare Facts Y'all!

2006-11-12T21:39:00.000-06:00

So on my recent fake-trips to church, after reading a little in the chapel, I decided to pick up some pamphlets from church and give them a skim.

So much information readily available at my finger tips!

So flipping open this one, I found lotsa information that I felt was my duty as deeply moral christian to spread the word.

One heading inside was:

"C is for commitment not Condom"
"Marriage makes sex a fulfilling, loving experience. But if you have sex outside of marriage, it's like unwrapping a present before it's Christmas. It's passing, disappointing, empty."
THAT'S the best they could do? Sex is like a Christmas present? Isn't the church always saying how Christmas isn't about the presents in the first place? But about the birth of Jesus? So are they saying that having sex in a marriage is like giving birth to Jesus? Wasn't he born in a stable with animals?

I guess that's the lesson kiddies - wait until marriage, because that way sex will feel like giving birth and afterwards you can stink like a cow! Hooooooooooray?

Another heading in this truly informative pamphlet:

"Eyes on the Prize"
"The Bible says the 'man and woman were both naked and felt no shame.' That is the beauty of sex God-style. Without marriage, sex produces lots of heartache and lots of shame. Don't settle for less."

God-style Y'all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Can you imagine?
"Ohhh Baby, you got me so hot right now"
"Yeah, I want you to do it to me"
"Oh baby, I'll do it to you - GOD-STYLE!!!! - Yeaaaaaaaaaah, put on that bra, zip up my pants - yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah"

And the final heading I thought was hilarious:

"The Bottom Line"
"Love does not equal sex." God made both and He knows that they work best when they are together in marriage. He doesn't want to see you get hurt. So think about your future, start over if you need to, but love your future mate enough to wait."

Love does not equal sex. HAHA Jamie and the church agree on something! (zing! love ya jamie :)
On to the next pamphlet...

So no pictures for this one, but a quiz!
Get out your safety pencils and circle of paper everyone!

"Why did I give in to sex?"

1. Why do I have sex?
a. feels good
b. he or she expects it
c. to prove my love
d. I think I have to

Um, where's the "I like orgasming and making my partner feel just as good" option? Or better yet "I just like having a dick in every orafice possibly, no, ESPECIALLY my ears"

2. If a pregnancy or STD was discovered, would my relationship survive?
a. probably not
b. for sure no way
c. I hope so

Uhhh, where's the "yes" option. Despite a world of Jerry Springer Shows and Maury Povich "I need to test 234878764 guys to see whose my baby's daddy" - I'm gonna be optimistic and say most of the couples know what will happen if an unwanted pregnancy occurs.

3. If I stopped having sex, would my partner dump me?
a. no, but there would be pressure
b. yes, definitely
c. I would be too scared to ask

Alrite, maybe a point was actually made here. BUT that's normal. People walk into relationships knowing the boundaries that will and will not be crossed. If sex is expected, there's nothing wrong with finding it elsewhere (so long as the previous relationship is over). Wanting sex isn't a bad thing! Especially if it's GOD-STYLE ya'll!!!!!!!!!!!!

4. Am I satisfied emotionally with my sexual partner?
a. our friendship isn't what it was before sex
b. friendship? it's all sex
c. I just wonder if there's more

Could you imagine being the kid that responds a simple "Yes" to this question?
Priest Flattery: "Ask yourself child, are you emotionally satisfied with your sexual partner?"
Me: "Yep. Sparks are flying, finishing sentences, thinking the same thing at the same time - cute little surprises here and there, it's all good"
Priest Flattery: "Oh...wanna touch me down there?" (ZING!)

And last but not least babies, I found one of these pamphlets in my room, during a massive cleaning and here's a beaut of a picture!

In case you can't read the script beside this strapping young stallion:

"I thought I could never be forgiven for the terrible things I've done. But when I turned to Jesus I found that he wants to forgive me."

I can just imagine the next line of thought out of his head:

"Yep, don't want cock anymore. Thank you Jesus. Don't need to watch the football games on mute, fantasizing about all those tight asses and how I would love to dive into a group of them after a really sweaty game and have them do a train on me til I go numb...NOPE don't want that anymore. I have to go now...NO...I told you, I accessed those sites by mistake, I was looking for Gayle Pornue - the French Novelist. It's lunch time, time to go to the chapel and pray a decade and then off to home where i can masturbate to gay porn...I mean watch Reboot. Don't judge me!"

Choice

2006-11-02T21:19:00.000-06:00

I recently saw an episode of South Park a week or two ago and it was a catalyst that set off this entire blog, I hope some dialogue forms from this...

So the episode in question was the one about the town's flag and how Chef was incredibly offended by it - it showed a bunch of white stick figures hanging a black stick figure. Clearly the flag is a racist representation and symbol about the small white-breed hick town and it's racist past. But what got to me was how goddamn indecisive the people of the town were and how very realistic that is amongst the liberals/democrats of North America.

Throughout the episode, you had news casters constantly asking the populace questions like:

Should the flag be changed despite the tradition it holds?

And then came people's responses:

"I DO believe the flag is racist; but I do hold honor towards traditoinal values"

"I am a traditionalist at heart; but the flag is so very clearly racist, so I really don't know what to do"

Then come the KKK and how they support the option to keep the flag as it was - strictly for white power's sake. *always chanting 'white power, white power' in the background*

The non-racist, traditionalist people of south park don't want to be affiliated with the KKK and then comes the next news caster's question:

Should the KKK have their right to say their beliefs due to freedom of speech?

And then came people's responses:

"I am not a racist; but I do believe in freedom of speech"

"I completely believe in the freedome of speech; but I don't at all agree with what the KKK support"

At this point, Chef shoves the white guy outta the way saying "Get outta my way, you undecisive prick" or something to that accord.

And from that comes another story:

A few months ago, I was having dinner with a friend, whom I'll name Perry. We began talking about the Rev. Phelps and his Church of God congregation, going to the funerals of dead gays (dead from AIDS) and soldiers (dead from fighting in Iraq) and protesting the funeral saying that the gay person died because God hates gays and that the soldier died because God punished him/her for going to war (and killing is a sin).

Perry made a statement similiar to:

"I don't agree with his beliefs, but I agree he has a right to say those things; more importantly, no one has the right to tell him to stop"

Well, I'm sorry, for Chef, this white boy is making a stand. Rev. Phelps is wrong and shouldn't be allowed to broadcast his opinion to the world.

From this conversation, it went from Freedom of Speech, to Exodus - the ex-gay group, that advocates, if one chooses, they can join the group and lead a heterosexual lifestyle.

Perry, defended the right for the group to exist, speaking for those homosexuals that have a much harder life than me or Perry and couldn't simply live the "gay life".

I countered with "The option for a gay person to lead a straight life shouldn't be an option for that person - here choice is the enemy. Just because something is a choice, doesn't make it right for someone to choose it, even if they want it. We need to dig deeper and figure out why they want a straight lifestyle so bad and educate them to respect themselves."

I don't mean to sound preachy but it's how I feel. Perry went on to speak of a friend of a friend that was gay, but chose instead to get married, have a wife and couple of kids, and once the kids were in college, him and his wife (who knew of her husband) divorced. Perry countered with, "If he chose to live a straight lifestyle, his wife knowing full well about her husband, and them agreeing that the marriage was better than being shunned by his family - whose to say what they did was wrong? It was their choice"

Well sorry Perry, it's wrong. This person denied himself as no one else could. For the sake of his family, he lived a lie. Even if that lie is better than the truth, that makes him a coward; that especially makes him a coward. His children were rasied by a coward, will have to live with the knowledge their father is a coward and will learn that their grandparents never really loved their children, if their father was too scared to come out to them and live his life they way he wished. Instead, he belived one of the many viable options out there was to live as a straight person.

To me, this isn't choice. This is fear. There was no choice in the matter - either be straight and loved by your family or be gay and be hated and shunned by them. I'm not angry at the man's choice; I'm angry that this was his choice. That his culture, my society, his family all have this idea that being gay is something to be fixed; and what's more depressing is that this choice to not be gay is something to be fought for on par with my right to marry a man, or for a woman to choose when she wants to have a child.

This is me, a white boy, making a stand, that NO it's not a viable choice for me or any other gay person. It is not a right I will fight for the gay community and it is nothing to be proud about. There is no choice here - be gay or be dead - and I've made mine.

Friendy's - Sappy BF Styles

2006-11-01T12:24:00.000-06:00

So this has been a long time coming:

It’s…
…why I want to watch X-Men 3 with you, just so I can see you get all worked about it
…when you said you’d protect me from the scary things in the dark
…Toronto, set ablaze by the sun
…how you make me laugh, even though your jokes are so corny
…DEEEEEEEESIRE
…how ‘Into Your Hideout’ will mean something completely different to me now
…the Long Kiss Goodnight and how he TOOK LESSONS!
…changing your msn to ‘our’ inside joke
…how I smell like cigarette smoke afterwards and don’t care
…how you make tea just right
…how I ate more pizza than I should’ve, just to impress you
…you telling me you were impressed
…you texting me when I was sitting right beside you
…that smirk you have on your face when you think you’ve said something clever

…visiting downtown Oakville, TO, and Burlington
…why I’m so ahead in my work, so I can spend more time with you
…the butterflies I feel before I meet you
…the knots in my stomach at our hug goodnight
…how my texting abilities are better than yours
…how I know you’re slightly offended by that last one
…how you can be on my mind all weekend and I’m getting some of the best sleep ever
…how Mondays can’t come soon enough
…all about the apple cider
…why Dingle Park is the best park in the world
…how you remembered Johnny Cash

…the reason I’m remembering everything too, I don’t want to forget a single detail
…how I am unfolding
…why that’s because of you
…how you want to use me for my body and that’s perfectly fine
…jumping higher than you on the swings
…not admitting how scared I got being so high up in the air
…why I gush about you to all my friends
…how I figured out that Wilson went to school with you

…you sleeping on the floor beside, making sure I was ok, when I got “sick”
...how your timing sucks
...how glad I am your timing sucks
...why I stopped myself short in the car, while you bought your scarf (surprise!)
...how you said it's hard to surprise you
...how I can surprise you
...how you wanted this little post so bad
...the random act you did that finally made me put this together

...how I hoped I surprised you again...

Yaaaaaaay, Health Problems!

2006-10-24T20:53:00.000-05:00

I got my Sleep Study Report today. For those that don't know, I am, the WORST sleeper. I hear these stories of people being able to nap after 13 hours of sleep or just going to bed once their head hits the pillow and I want to cry. I can't do that. I am the worst person to sleep beside; I talk in my sleep, I move around alot, and I have to sleep on my back.

I went in for a sleep study and got my results today, they are hilarious!

Enjoy!

I went to bed at around 10:30 (meaning lights out and me resting on the bed).

I fell asleep in 12.5 minutes and slept for 6 hours and 12 minutes (I was awoken at 6am - meaning the max amount of sleep I could've had was 7.5 hours minus the 12.5 minutes).

11.9% of my sleep was REM sleep - that's DEEP sleep, like you dream in this sleep, you are out to the world in this sleep - it's good sleep. Normal readings are 28% - meaning 28% of the sleep cycle should be REM sleep; me 11.9%

Now all sleep has 4 stages plus the REM sleep, here's how I fared in that department:

Stage 1 - normal - 4.44%; me 7.7%

Stage 2 - normal - 45.54%; me 50.7%

Stage 3 - normal - 6.21%; me 4.6%

Stage 4 - normal - 14.88%; me 25.1%

See how disproportioned I am?

I had 14 obstructive apneas (meaning I snored slightly) and the longest session of this light snoring was 27.8 seconds - meaning something was partially obstructing my breathing.

I had 16 obstructive hypopneas (meaning I stopped breathing entirely - NO AIR COMING IN!) and the longest session was - get this - 42.1 seconds! I can't even hold my breath underwater that long!!!!

My blood oxygen dropped to 90% (should be at 100%).

Here's the part I just loved - I had 53 spontaneous arousals (just waking up for a few seconds and going back to sleep, this is common, you never really "wake up", you're just moving your head for example)

I had 23 respitory arousals - I woke up 23 times because I stopped breathing 23 times in the night.

I had 4 periodic limb arousals - I jerked my legs 4 times in the night, which caused me 'wake-up' for a few seconds.

On average, I had an arousal index of 12.9, the normal you ask? LESS THAN 5!!!!!!

In total, the number of times I awoke and was "awake" for 15 seconds (or more) before falling instantly to sleep was 28 times.

This means that I wake up 4.5 times an hour or every 13 minutes approximately.

SO DON'T BLAME ME IF I'M A GRUMPY BITCH IN THE MORNING!!!!!

Amen

2006-10-22T12:46:00.000-05:00

So today I felt inspired - I read Jamie's most recent posting, it was touching and was very nostalgic from me, because I would always put down people that thought like he does. And then poof - I completely agree with him. I was a stubborn fucker in high school:

No Abortion!

No Death Penaulty!

No Euthanasia!

I could bring myself to say No to homosexuality, always quickly saying "Love the Sinner, Hate the Sin" - deep down I knew I was talking about myself - and I was never keen on the whole self-hating thing.

But my high school career was one of constant defence for the Holy Roman Catholic Church. I knew doctrine, I knew how to answer the tough questions - Like in the Simpsons Halloween special, where Lisa creates life and is shrunk down and meets her creation, one of the first questions from people is "If you're soo good and if you're so great, why do bad things happen to good people?" - I know how to answer that question, Catholically speaking.

But then the tough questions came:

If God can do everything, can He nuke a burrito so hot, that not even Himself can touch it?

If the Church and God, go hand in hand (Catholic Dogma that allows for the belief that the Pope is infallible when it comes to Dogmatic Law), how can you explain the current Pope condemning the Inquistion (sanctioned by a former Pope) - they can't both be right; and yet dogmatically they are.

I couldn't answer these questions, because they required relativism; something I realized will be the Church's downfall. The Church is so scared of change, so frightened by the prospect that one day a woman will put on a collar, that gays will be exchanging vows on one of it's altars, that condoms will be given out at catholic high schools - that's it's slowly killing itself.

It's run by the own fear it's generated. Any, and I mean any, sway from the straight and narrow will cause it's ultimate demise. I really don't believe the church is run by stubborn, stupid, old men that remember a "better time" and are trying to get back to that place. The church is run by smart, sophisticated men that know they are doomed. They're dug themselves too far into a hole - if they admit or allow the slightest change for the purpose of changing - they are admitting to the world that they're faith isn't devinely created but man-made and therefore faulty.

I remember once, watching a program on the Discovery Channel about the Roman Catholic Church (this was during Canada's hosting of World Youth Day) and one of the guests on this show said that he truly believed that Catholicism would be around 500 years from now, it would be incredibly different, but would still be "Roman Catholicism".

I disagree. Roman Catholicism won't be around in 500 years, too many people enjoy sex, too many people have friends/children that are gay, too many people are realizing more and more that they don't need confession to feel "right" anymore.

And this person has realized that Roman Catholicism died a long, long time ago while searching for a particular Bible passage in his high school chapel and suddenly not caring when he didn't find it.

Ode To My Mama

2006-10-08T13:19:00.000-05:00

My mother is one weird bird. She's gone through a lot. She's lost two brothers, her sister is sick, she's lost both her parents and she has a gay son. For some, the last thing doesn't seem to fit in the list of turmoils my mother has had to face, but to a Catholic Woman (and anyone with a Catholic upbringing), it makes perfect sense.

But, my mom is showing signs of acceptance, slowly by surely, she is. She's meeting more of my friends, she asked Travis to stay for dinner (that's right, he broke bread with my parents AND made them laugh) and she's stopped telling me to "Be Good" when she goes away for the weekend. It's now "Have Fun". Her subtle way of telling me she's read my letter; maybe even she's starting to believe what I wrote in that letter?

But today I got something about my mom - she's just like me. My Aunt Marisha, the first thing she said to me when she saw me was, "Oh yeah, you're a Klimek" - Klimek being my mom's maiden name. This followed by an uproar from my Dad, saying "You're a Sobik and she doesn't know what she's talking about" and my mom coyly smiling in the background.

I got my Dad addicted to Sudoku, who in turn, showed my Mom how to do it and now she can't get enough. The 24 and Metro are being brought home, the sudoku puzzles from the Toronto Sun are meticously cut from the paper, so they can have easier access to the madness and you'll understand why I just told you this.

So here's the conversation I just had with my wonderful Mama:

*Eating soup, while doing a sudoku puzzle from the 24*

Mama: I don't get this advertisement for cosmetic surgery *bottom of the page where the puzzle is*

Me: What don't you get?

Mama: Well, Lipsuction I get, if you're fat, you're fat. And Breasts, well, yeah Breasts and same with Tummy Tuck. But...VAGINA SURGERY?! What the hell does a woman need done to her vagina, Darchu?

And this point, I think soup squirted out my nose and I had noodles stuck in the back of my throat.

Happy Thanksgiving Everybody!!

Most Obvious Thing You'll Learn Today...

2006-10-06T12:40:00.000-05:00

You Are a Fun Flirt

You just can't help yourself... you flirt with everyone you know.Guys, girls, crushes, and friends. They're all victims to your charm.You're into silly innuendos, sexy jokes, and playful touches.You are a huge flirt, yet you never make anyone (too) uncomfortable!

What Kind of Flirt Are You?

If You Were Born in 2893...

Your Name Would Be: Laif Vovv

And You Would Be: The Future's Last Hope

If You Were Born in 2893

SURPRISE!

2006-10-01T21:30:00.000-05:00

I've never really been surprised in my life. Never had a surprise birthday party (on account that I'm always ASKING for them), 9/11 didn't leave me in complete shock when I learned of it in Calculus class, and learning about my kidney and the freak congential disorder I was born with was more of a "Oh, damn" than a "WHAAAAAAAAAAT?". I just don't get surprised that easily until recently...

Recently, I've been getting compliments outta the wazoo because of my blog. Now, this isn't me praising me about how terrific I think my writing is, in fact, I think my writing is pretty rushed and half-assed. But I've gotten more surprises outta my little purple monkey dishwater than in the past 22 years of life, soon to be 23.

Jennie Nickerson, Tash, Mima and hell even Josh have told me, completely out of the blue, about what a fun/happy/meaningful time they have gotten out of reading my blog. Josh even described one post as "the best writing I've ever read". I was touched!

So, unlike me in so many ways, this is a complete THANK YOU to all the people that have left me comments, praised me for my writing when even I didn't think too much about it and to all the readers that just get a little smirk or giggle about my rants/comments/thoughts and various other forms of expression. You all rock the hizzie, I'm slightly buzzed and going to bed soon!!

The Contract

2006-09-19T18:22:00.000-05:00

So after hearing how much fun Jamie has with his co-worker Sasha about their betting game with America’s/Canada’s Next Top Model to figure out the winner, I decided to have one with my dear friend Robyn aka Perfection.

So, we each chose 6 girls, where if the 1st or 2nd girl wins on either list, then the loser has to treat the winner to a classy restaurant. If the 3rd or 4th girl on the list wins then dinner will be had at a regular sit down place located anywhere downtown. IF the 5th or 6th girl on the list wins, then dinner has to be made by the loser for the winner.

After writing up the contract we had the difficult decision of figuring what to do if the one girl neither of us picks, wins. So, we asked our dear friend Carolyn (batman from the previous post) to be our witness for this contract and be the holder of said contract. If the one girl that neither of us liked wins, Robyn and I will make Carolyn dinner.
Below are Robyn’s, Carolyn’s (by default) and Yours Truly picks. We picked 6 each and then if we chose the same girl, we would rock paper scissor to keep her, the loser picks another girl – I lost two out of three of these rounds, so my selection isn’t the greatest…

Robyn’s Choices:

1. Megan aka Kim from season 6
Damn girl, I wanted this one! Not like she’ll win, she’s 23, and therefore expired. But still, she looks like Kim, quite possibly the only lesbian I liked. She's got that masculine and feminine dealy down pact...but she's 23. I have to say, Robyn was rather gutsy picking Megan as her first choice to win.

2. AJ
Another one I lost :( I see nothing but potential and she’s 18, so she’s perfect age-wise. She has striking features, and posed for her picture, that’s always a good sign. Yes, she did the hand on hip action and that awkward head tilting that actually looks awkward but look at her! Just sweet, sexy class!

3. Brooke aka Boring
I didn’t want this one, in fact I say she’ll be the first one to go (I know Jamie is shaking his head - sorry Jamie, you see potential, I see a blond Sara Rue) but I don’t see anything that makes me want to stop and look at her. But what do I know? Oh wait, I picked ANDREA from CNTM as the winner from her terrible picture with brown hair!!!
Anyone else see it?

4. Jaeda aka the tranny
Yeah…I dunno WHAT Robyn was thinking. I see Mr. J in drag. I expect to see her weenis popping out if she turned to face us head on...but maybe I'm just not able to look beneath her tranny-dom and see supermodel.
And you're all looking to see if you can see her weenis aren't you??

5. Amanda
Robyn got to pick the good twin. When you see the evil twin, you’ll know what I mean. She’s thin, she’s 18, she has long hair, and isn’t afraid to use when she poses – she can multi-task y'all. Most of the other girls, are doing the boring hand over head or hand on hip dealy…
She may be doing hand on hip, BUT she's contorting her back - MULTI-TASKING!

6. Monique
Token black girl in Robyn’s list. Pfft what a racist! I think she has too much head tilt, careful Monique, or Ty-Ty's gonna pull a Nic on you. And she juts out her boobs, but she has a nice body, again, that long and lean thing. She probably has some Phantom of the Opera scarring on her face...*eyes Monique suspiciously*

My Choices:

1. Anchal or as Tyra is gonna say her name An*slightest of slightest pauses*Chal
Alrite! I admit I went with the first time minority that they used! I went with what most people would call “Exotic Beauty” and was enticed by her long hair. BUT, I saw the little blurb she had in the intro video for the season and she said if they’re gonna cut her hair, she doesn’t care – she’s here to win. Soo…she does WANT this, she does have a “healthy” figure in the modeling world (she strides that fine line between voluptuous and plus size), which is the figure most supermodels have, except for that crackhead kate moss. All she needs now is that Anglo-Indian accent and she's good as gold!

2. CariDee aka the winner
So why didn’t I put CairDee as the first choice then, well, I’M NOT A RACIST, YOU RACISTS! But seeing from what I did to her photo you can see what I saw and why I picked her. For me, she has it. I think her pictures show a great variety and she’s pretty to watch, she stops your eye and reminds me of Tricia Helfer. Therefore she is perfection.

3. Megg aka Alana from CNTM
This one I WON from rock paper scissor. She’s thin. That’s all she’s pretty much going for her. She's not too too fetching, but she's not too too plain. AAAALLLLAANNNNNNNNA!

4. Christian
My token black girl. Yes she has the hand on the leg and hand in the air. But there’s something that catches my eye when I look at her. Maybe I think she reminds of someone prettier, but she’s still nice and entertaining to look at. Also, I was forced to pick her after I lost a girl to Robyn.
But if she can work that ugly ass, one green-boobed shirt, then she's alrite in my book!

5. Michelle
The evil twin. Everyone scroll up to Amanda and now look at Michelle. You see it don’t you? There’s something off about her, but it’s too much, again, I was forced to pick her. But, long hair, tall and lean, thin – a complete bore and in other words a perfect model. P.S. She's going to be the "bad" girl...

6. Eugena
Wait a minute?! I have two black girls, I forgot – YOU’RE ALL SO RACIST!!! But she has that smirk, she looks sly, flat stomach, she has spunk, and looks good with short hair. And something about her eyes. AND LOOK, an outey belly button, like me (now, grrrrrrrrr) that's why she's last on the list...

And Carolyn’s Default Choice:

Melrose *shudders*
Does anyone see a mix of those creepy clay dolls from “The Corpse Bride” and Alexis Arquette here? This girl is so vile, she looks like the Wicked Witch of the West with no green make up. Just having her picture in my hard drive makes me feel all dirty.

A Week in the Life of Darek

2006-09-16T01:15:00.000-05:00

This was a week long project, I hope you all enjoy!

Jamie has no sense of direction
Arizona Green Tea with Ginseng and Honey is delicious
It wasn’t a Russian Roman Catholic church but a Macedonian one
Everything is closed in Streetsville on Sunday

Waking up early to go to school on your day off sucks balls
Construction workers and site supervisors aren’t so bad
I get to watch over the ROM closely for the next 6 weeks
Robyn did this to me:
and it felt great!
Robyn and I have our contract up, the next posting will explain that
Robyn thinks I have impeccable fashion style
Robyn helped me realize the tattoo I want to get

Monday, on Lakeshore, in Oakville, was freeeeeeeezing

Inukshuks are beautiful

Travis has a toupee

Zoey is adorable

Carolyn is Batman

8 am classes suck -that's how early I was at the GO statoin :(
8 am classes are quite informative (I actually enjoyed what I learned - babies are bundled up in the winter like astronauts because their volume produces the same amout of heat that they are able to lose due to their smaller surface area; this was taught in building science, so in other words, larger buildings are better at keeping themselves warm in the winter than smaller ones and better at keeping cool than smaller ones :)
Finishing your project proposal and handing it in 4 days early is a great way to start off the new year :)

5 hour breaks suck
Friends that keep you company while you’re in a funk at how lonely you are during your break rock
Text messages make smile
I’m so ridiculously happy Karen is in my Urbanization class

Dave is a geisha

Train was late again today
Travis rocks – look what he did for me – it’s my tattoo
Assignment #1 for Transportation was finished today
Listening to the old tapes I made is very nostalgic (I had Foo Fighters and the instrumental to Titanic’s “My Heart Will Go On” AND that “Don’t call me Babe” song)

Jenn likes school so much – she smiles while she sleeps in class

Pho is so utterly delicious and filling it's atrocious

Sami's back, we call eachother fucking idiots about 20 times a day - God I missed him

Yung is back and look what she wrote about me :)
Brendan has great taste in music – Apple Candy by Ben Lee is on repeat right now
I was wrong! There was no movie mistake in “Everyone’s Hero” – the City of Toronto was created in 1834
Marie is a TERRIFIC waitress
...
..
.

I’m still a little scared of Bob from Twin Peaks – being all alone at home…

Hehe, Dingle.

Thanks Miss Piggy :)

2006-09-07T20:03:00.000-05:00

So today was the first day of school. I woke up early and didnt have to, I tried to go back to bed and couldn't and had to walk to Union Station twice today. I had boring class right away, took me a whole 10 minutes before I checked my cell phone for the time.

I got small pick me ups during the day; Jenn accompanied me to Union for the first trip. Then we ate delicious sushi and I learned what Futo Maki was and fell in love with it. Sweet and savoury.

The next pick me up came from Travis, when he sent me "When life gives your lemons, you clone those lemons and make super lemons" seems kinda fitting to help me outta my funk. Then I learned about cement...for two hours.

Soon it became apparent to me that I had another year of school left and that I would soon have to look for a job and plan a nifty vacation when I graduate. Stuff I didn't want to think about at all. Jenn is planning on studying somewhere in Europe for two years after she graduates. Sami wants to find a better job then his last co-op placement when he graduates.

I want to learn about everything - yes I know I sound like a Dawson's Creek character. But I just want to soak up knowledge like sponge does water and then have it flow out of me, landing everywhere and hopefully educating some.

After getting home, Ashorina didn't want to hang at square one (we're drifting apart and I don't like that), a joke said to Travis backfired terribly and I realized I would have to go to bed at 10:30ish tonight so as not to be exhausted for class at 8am tomorrow.

I then took out Miss Piggy; I let her crawl around my stomach (I was wearing a shirt, you perverts) and then noticed something. She stopped moving when Evermore's 'It's Too Late' starting playing and got a lot clamer when Pilate's 'Into Your Hideout' started to play. But Miss Piggy's hearing is not the best, so how could she hear it?

Here's the nifty bit. I was playing the music from my computer, the speakers emit the sound, the wood the desk is made of wood and carried the vibrations and the vibrations travelled up my leg which was resting against my desk and I'm assuming Miss Piggy was able to literally "feel" the music. She stopped moving, her heart wasn't racing, I could pet her anywhere without her fraking out (get your mind outta the gutters pervs) and for a while I forgot about my problems.

So because of my sweet adorable hamster, I learned that I'm a smart kid and I shouldn't be so scared over something so natural as growing up. Thanks Miss Piggy, you have great taste in music :)

Darek: Then and Now

2006-08-31T21:04:00.000-05:00

Darek 7 years ago:
Grade 11 - 16 years old
2 kidneys
Short-ish hair - gelled way too much
Bad skin - wore a lot of clothing to cover it up
Very Catholic - suffering is good*said between clenched teeth* up early for church and daily prayer make you a discplined and healthy person *said between clenched teeth*
Pro-Life - "The mother has made her choice, she has to live with it now" - my philosophy back then
Anti-Death Penaulty - "The person on death row wasn't judged by God as he should be, but by man, who is flawed" - something I said during law class
Anti-Euthanasia - "No person on the planet as the right, a right solely belonging to God, to end a life"- again, something said during grade 11 law
Part of the Student Chaplency - started a prayer group still going on during school right now
Prayer - I use to pray a part of the rosary every day, during my lunch break
Terribly Closeted - "There's nothing wrong with gay people - but Love the Sinner, Hate the Sin"
Salesian - finally popular-esque
Future Goal - Becoming a priest, specifically a Jesuit, so I could travel the world, educating people; the Jesuits were the smartest of the priests.

Darek - Today

1 kidney

Short hair - and that's how it's staying for now

Good skin - it feels good to wear a short sleeve shirt without being shy

Very Untitled - there's God and he's grand, but I ain't getting up early for you anymore

Pro-Choice - If someone is going to have the audacity to tell me how to live my life, I can't be the same kind of prick to someone else - my philosophy now

Anti-Death Penaulty - I can't believe I'm going to say this, but this is something I picked up from my dad - If someone does a barbaric crime, like molest a child, kill a human being, or rape a woman then death is the easy way out for them. Hard labour, 2 meals a day, up at 6 every day for the rest of their lives is what will make them truly regret what they've done - Amen Tata.

Euthanasia - My cousin's friend just died of liver cancer, she suffered immeasureably the last few months of her life. Her daughter couldn't touch her and her family began to shun her. Can anyone out there tell a dying woman she has no right to end her own suffering?

Part of the Queer Engineering Group - I haven't done much, but would like to do more. This year is going to be different. Either with the group or finally writing for the engineering paper.

Prayer - I haven't prayed in years; I miss the basic rituals in life that seperated me from the animals.

Out and Proud - Being gay is the greatest thing about me. Without it, I'd be voting conservative, sleeping with an Agnieska or Magda or Ania before church and going to Fregata on friday nights after my shift at the Gap. An open mind is better than the security of a closed one.

Myself - surrounded by terrific friends. nerdy as fuck though :D

Future Goal - no clue. Nothing engineering-like.

ROBYN IS THE BEST!!!!!!!!!!

2006-08-31T15:14:00.000-05:00

(Post-surgery Post will be up soon-ish)
So my friend ROBYN IS THE BESTEST FRIEND IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD! She is the winner of the Friendy’s this time and you’ll see why she’s so much better than ANY of the bitches reading this post right now. Honestly you’ll feel bad about yourselves and the way you’ve been my friend after reading and seeing all the wonderful things she’s done. She just stopped by, from Niagara Falls, to say hello and see how I was feeling and is now on her way back to Niagara Falls – she just stopped by for a half hour. That’s right BITCHES feel bad, feel really really bad about yourselves right now!

So this time, instead of a long list of reasons why I love this girl to pieces, I'm gonna show you what makes her so unique. Robyn has this terrific habit of making little cards for her friends when they've gone through a dramatic time (for engineers that means exams that went shittily) or when she thinks they're blue.

Here is every card she's ever made for me:

On the inside of the card it says:
You'll be able to walk normal again
You'll be able to stop men from wearing pink
You'll be able to have any man you want (if you don't already...I wouldn't be surprised)
You'll be able to stand up to those "evil, tempting, beautiful" women that you have a hard time saying "NO" to, even though you don't really want to
You'll rule the world
You'll win the lottery and take me on a trip
You'll break that bad habit of snorting coke off a hooker's stomach
You'll be the most beautiful person ever....wait...you already are! :) awww muffin
You'll stop having kidney problems
You'll marry Donald Trump....ewwwwwwww
You'll finish reading this card and you'll LOVE it
I hope you feel better because you deserve better! :) *HEART* Roybn
-she wrote this for me after a good old fashioned bitch fest about a boy, stupid andrew *mumbling profanities*

Here’s the second card she’s made me:
On the inside of the card it says:

“Puppys, rainbows, nice weather, being out with your favourite person, Robyn, eating favourite food, hot guy, puppies, horses, vanilla smelling things, Robyn, Birkemoe, Bamboo, the movie Ever After, boyfriend, best friends…”

How did you get so tought?!? You win the award for toughest cookie ever! And the most gorgeous…tee hee.

I hope you feel better and your little guy doesn’t hurt too much. You’re a trooper!

(I wish I could take your potential pain)

With Love, Robyn

And on the back of the second card, because she knows how much I love crosswords:
-this was after my gut wrenching procedure with a stent and no anathesia, read ' So Long Stenty, We Hardly Knew Thee!' for all the drama.

Here’s the third card:
Here’s what’s written (and drawn) on the inside:

Hey Darek,

I couldn’t think of anything to put on the cover, but then I caught you stroking the pole in front of you. I know it is a pleasing site, that wonderfully cast concrete column (even with the bug holes) but at least keep it private. I mean c’mon, you were practically drooling, with your mouth open like Jayla during one shoot.

So what do you think about the show now? Who’s going to win? This is of course, after I severely HURT Nicole…haha. I can see her getting better, but she’s not my style. EWWWWW

Lots of heart shape
Robyn

-after some boredom in the beautiful Bahen Centre, getting a much needed tutorial before a final - MAYBE THIS IS WHY I FAIL?!

Here’s the fourth:
Hey Darek!

Well at lease your kidney will be going to things more usefullike:

Kidney Pie
Dog Food
Haggus
Hot Dogs
Kidney-shaped pool design
ALL Chinese food
Handbags for celebrities
Etc etc etc

So, do not be sad. Your kidney had a greater purpose than you could have ever known. Now, you can be happy! You are such a good provider. J

Robyn
-after learning that I would have to get my Kidney removed, she's so beautiful it's ridiculous!

The fifth card but hopefully not last :(

Starts off with “YAM….mmmmmm” (Yeah that confused me too)

Did you know that Peter Lassonde was a C- average student at U of T and now he is one of the most successful businessmen in Canada? He was the largest supply of diamonds, gold, nickel, copper, etc. He rules the world! And so can you. J I would worship you if you became King…for sure.
Hey Darek, my beauty.

I hope you have a wonderful day today. I know yesterday was a little tough, but I want you to know what things will be ok. Life has a funny way of working out. Besides, I think you are very smart and you should never think otherwise. Obviously my opinion means everything, so believe me! (I should be in the Bible…I’m that good) You’ll do great on Municipal; time to turn over a new leaf. Don’t let anything in the past bug you!

-Robyn

With a penguin on the back, because we all know Penguins are the ancient Chinese symbol of Nice-ness :)

We call what this girl as done, OVERTIME ladies and gents - she truly is the Queen of queens :)

-this was after I completely bombed my Municpal Engineering Midterm - 15.5/30!! But she was right, I ended up with a 70 in that class :)

So to you and you fabulous rump Robyn, I salute you!

I mean look at that thing, you can bounce quarters off of it and shit!

Bye Bye Motherfucking Kidney!

2006-08-23T21:35:00.000-05:00

So tomorrow is the big motherfucking day! I'm finally getting rid of the kidney that doesn't let me sleep on my sides and causes me so much fucking discomfort if I sit/stand/walk for too long. But this post is about tomorrow - it's about how great today was!

So it started in the morning - I didn't wake up exhausted - I didn't wake up peppy and full of energy like the freaks of nature known as Christine and Jamie - but I wasn't exhausted and therefore not a grumpy bitch. I could even hold a conversation with my Dad!

At work, I didn't do too much box-cutting, mostly putting together orders, assembling stuff, and then I was surprised with the greatest surprise (at that point of the day) ever! My co-workers bought me pizza!!! FOUR OF THEM! It was so delicious - new favourite pizza is chicken and bruscetta - mmmmmmmm, I'm looking at you Jen; I know that sounds most appealing to you :)

So after the little pizza party, I learned that my boss Hanna is a lot cooler than I thought before - she speaks fluent German, her daughter is living in Switzerland, married to a Swiss guy and Hanna has an apartment back in Switzerland, which she plans on moving back to, when she retires.

I then got a little sad, everyone at work was sad to see me leave. Three people told me they would pray for me and Rena (the Alpha Female) along with Illiyn (the woman I thought was really mean at first but turned out to be so-so nice (notice the hyphen)) and then a surprise hug from Janita and Hanna. Sooooooo much hugging! ALL FOR ME!

So I get home, shower and change and then me and Bren go see Snakes on a Plane; it is, by far, the best movie of the summer. Motherfucking terrific!!!!!

But before Snakes on a Plane, I was pleasantly surprised by my best friend's gift to me -

This is one of those gifts that just goes to show you how great a friend can be at what should be his best friend's scariest moment in life - I burst out laughing when I saw the diagram and read what he wrote on the shirt. It completely made my day, I could have had my surgery then and there and would have it with a smile on my face. Thanks Brendan - one of the greatest gifts I've ever received.

What's written on the shirt you may ask?
...
..
.

Do you all see what I mean now? Who rocks the motherfucking hizzie? B-man does, that's who motherfucken does!

So after Snakes on a Plane, which again, greatest movie of the summer, Bren treated me to Denny's, we finally finished our talk that was interrupted at Crystal's farewell party and laughed it up, wondering why Avril doesn't do TYS (Things You Said) anymore and how it's left our lives a little empty. Austrailia is now something I would like to do next year and Denny's gives you CRAZY itis.

After Denny's it was time for Second Cup, where we ended the night talking about Transformers the Movie and how much we absolutely LOVED Beasties and Beast Machines; I learned he loved Dinobot and he learned I love Black Arachnia.

Thank you to all who have given me best wishes and prayers during this time, my surgery is at 11:45am tomorrow at St. Michael's Hospital.

To conclude I leave you with some of the greatest quotes said by Samuel L. Jackson - the NEW Chuck Norris. That's right, Chuck Norris is out and Samuel L. Jackson is in:

"I'm tired of these motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking plane!" - Snakes on a Plane

"That's a Duck, not a Dick" - The Long Kiss Goodnight

"English Motherfucker?! Do you speak it?!?" - Pulp Fiction

"Geena Davis: Were you always this stupid, or did you take lessons?

Samuel L. Jackson: I took lessons!" - The Long Kiss Goodnight (that one was for you travis)

And the best quote said by Samuel L. Jackson:

"If you're gonna mouth off sir, I remind that if you go to jail and you will go to jail, you will be assfucked for the next three years and if by some miracle you are not charged and don't go to jail, I will personally hire someone to assfuck you for the next three years, so if you're an assfuckin' fan, I suggest you go and mouthoff to me" - The Long Kiss Goodnight

To all my dear friends who have prayed for me, kept me in your thoughts and worried for me, I love you all from the bottom of my heart; thank you for being there, I'll see you guys in a few days, hopefully sooner :)

Rafting!

2006-08-20T01:43:00.000-05:00

So this is KEEEERRRRAZY late but I'm still amazed by how many great photos I took on this little excursion to Calumet Quebec for a 3 day rafting trip.

Enjoy!

I don't know what Jen was eating, but it was either really really really good OR really really bad...

And it caught the attention of Jonas and Claudia apparently...

Oh Mima was caught masturbating...

Here's the lovely Janey looking as lovely as ever, thanks for helping put all this together - it was an amazing experience!

Look Claudia, you're not the only one with talent with the camera! JEALOUS?!

Hey look, that celebrity is masturbating! Too bad we can't tell who that sexy fine bitch is due to his incognito glasses!!!

Sigh...why can't you people just leave Jamie alone, while he's posing for you? All he wants is to live his life in peace, while posing for you and he can't do that, if you're gonna take pictures of him every 5 minutes, while he's posing for you!

Not only was Bella masturbating, but she didn't get caught until she reached the Big-O; truly organic experience my fine ass Bella!

Photoshoot time! The challenge is to be a mirror image of the other person - I was clearly distracted by Mima's breasts, just like every breathing thing on the planet; hell I'm sure flowers fucking turn to her when she walks by!

Tyra: "I like how you guys are showing your versatility but are still yourselves. But Mima I think you depend too much on your breasts and not enough on your ragadociousity. Darek, I'm going to be blunt, I don't know how you made this far - you're immature at the photoshoots, you don't take Ms. J seriously as a professoinial, when Jay Manuel told you to be more "Oomph-y" you just stared at him dumbfounded, you didn't even understand what he meant and you're male, a clear violation in this contest - but Darek, there's something about you I can't seem to let go - Thanks Mima."

Brendan! You heard what Paddy the Bus Driver said: "Donnabuyadrinkwithanymilkoracreaminit *grunt* *mumblemumble* *whuzzle whazzle* orelseIneedstagetsanewseatferdabusdere - dunnamakemetappathesign"

I don't think he can be anymore clear in his explicit instructions!

To alcohol! The cause of and solution to all of life's problems! Here here B-man, this trip wouldn't have been the same without ya!

*Note to self* When doing my Janet Jackson "Every Time" Video Impersonation with Anthonia - make sure to use flash!

And that's how the powerful but short relationship between Bella and Jamie started; a lap dance, some alcohol, the woods - did it move a little Jamie?

Sam's the meat in this filipino sandwich; yeah yeah Jo, I know you're Malaysian but if it looks like a duck, sounds like a duck...

Jay showing the world he has a pierced tongue - fucking slut! And I think Jamie is trying to figure out why in fact it did move...

Bella doing her best "Canada's Next Top Model" Sisi impersonation - don't believe me?

Need I say more?

Jamie ain't the only fag that got some girl action this year; I think this is how they kiss in Goa.

Here's Bren and Jen showing us what their relationship will be like 50 years from now. Jen, the dutiful filipina wife, ignoring her white husband has he tries to shine a little bit of affection on her.

Go Tent Awesome!!!! Jamie trying to smother me in my sleep, rubbing my feet in Sam's face and Jo the innocent by-stander caught up in all that maddness! Can't wait to bunk with you guys again!!

Awwwwwwwww - you and your stupid diet; I've realized we've never gotten drunk together! Almost 20 goddamn years of friendship and we haven't drunk ourselves stupid together!

And lastly Mort - don't worry buddy, that case of psoriosis will clear up eventually and you'll make it big one day and get out of Snelgrove!

Lance Bass - You're an Asshole!

2006-08-07T20:04:00.000-05:00

So I may be late in my blog about the "shock" that Lance Bass is a big flamin' mo; but I'm not praising this asshole, and you will all see why very shortly...

Like now...

In reading an interview online at mtv.com Lance here said the following:

"The thing is, I'm not ashamed — that's the one thing I want to say...
I'm more liberated and happy than I've been my whole life."

Excellent, good for you! It's an amazing feeling being able to be who you are and basically tell the world to fuck off if they can't handle it.